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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FGS I don't want to go!!

34 replies

queribus · 28/04/2011 18:11

DH is sulking and I'm the bad guy beacause I don't want to go to a friend's house this weekend.

We did arrange to go a few months ago. In the meantime, said single friend has got a new girlfriend and has cancelled on us on a couple of oocasions. Don't mind - new girlfriend and all that.

Anyway, we've just got back from two week holiday and straight back to work this week. I still haven't caught up with washing, housework and I pretty knackered to be honest.

Friend lives a couple of hours drive away (I do all the driving) and I'll spend quite a bit of time on my own with DS (2) and DD (6) whilst DH and friend go cycling - they're usually out for 4-5 hours at a time.

Also, his house is huge and being renovated so there are lots of tools, equipment and quite frankly dangerous stuff lying around. So I spend lots of time trying to stop DCs from touching stuff. Oh, and the house is on four floors so I have to try and stop them DS from falling down stairs, especially inyo the cellar.

Sooo, I've said I would prefer to spend the weekend at home, the four of us, doing some day trips and just relaxing. DH has taken his bat home saying we had an arrangement and should stick to it and that I'm being unfair.

So AIBU or should I suck it up and go?

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 28/04/2011 18:15

It's not fair for you to have to go and spend the day on your own in someone else house so that they can go out all day! Shock

Your dh and his friend are not bothered about spending the time with you and the children, sounds like dh just wants an easy lift over there. There is no way I'd do this, especially if it meant dragging two small dc along.

Tell your dh to get on public transport.

Xales · 28/04/2011 18:16

doesn't sound like a good weekend away to me.

You get to do a minimum of 4 hours driving given bank holiday traffic.

He buggers off out with his friend for that long at a time and you are left with 2 children in a building site.

THEN you have to come home and (correct me if I am wrong) you are the one who has to catch up on all the washing etc while he does what exactly?

LucretiaInShadows · 28/04/2011 18:17

It doesn't sound like much fun, but you have promised to go, and would be letting the friend down if you didn't. I think you're a bit stuck with it this time.

Maybe next time DH could go on his own?

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 28/04/2011 18:19

Sounds like he wants his taxi Grin

Why don't you just say he should go on his own?

He can do his share of the housework etc before he goes and if you are going to be left with the children anyway, it may as well be in your own home.

moondog · 28/04/2011 18:19

It's not on at all.
I have refused a dinner invite at a restaurant tonight.
Middle aged couple and us.
It would mean dh having a good time drinking and chatting and me dealing with two bored kids.

No thanks.
In my dh's defence, he can see my point completely.
Shame yours can't.

Original poster
queribus · 28/04/2011 18:20

I've suggested he go on his own. But we only have one car, so either I'm at home with limited access to public transport or he has a very long journey into London and out again with his bike - no ideal this weekend!

Don't get me wrong, we have a good time when we've gone in the past, but it's just this weekend it would be nice to do something as a family.

And I don't fancy driving round the M25 either.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfTheNight · 28/04/2011 18:20

so why not say you'll go - on condition HE drives?

Original poster
queribus · 28/04/2011 18:22

And I've suggested friend comes to us so they can still go cycling, but at least I've got plenty to do at home and know where to go out and about.

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 28/04/2011 18:22

Why do you do all the driving if he is capable?

Original poster
queribus · 28/04/2011 18:23

Hecate - believe me, I do the driving because I fear for my life as a passenger. My DH (usually) has many fine qualities but his driving is bloody awful, not fast or anything, just crap.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 28/04/2011 18:26

It sounds a nightmare.

How is it OK for his mate to cancel on you more than once, but not OK for you to say you don't want to go - for very good reasons by the sounds of it.

If he can drive, I'd tell him if he wants to go that much he can go on his own, or take a bus as bubble says.

Did you have a nice holiday? Envy

Original poster
queribus · 28/04/2011 18:31

DH is always like this, terribly concerned about not hurting anyone's feelings or upsetting arrangements (usually posistive things, I grant you), but he sometimes forgets about my feelings.

Holiday was lovely, thanks! I swear we've brough someone else's washing back with us as well, though.

OP posts:
TooManyPufflesInMyIgloo · 28/04/2011 18:34

You have promised to go, he is right.

So DH needs to finish the washing & housework and stuff at your house before you go. Sounds like it is his share that is left undone? And he'll need to do the packing for all 4 of you too, obviously, can't go if you're not packed. Tell him you'll be ready to go as soon as he's finished all that.

When you get there, he is responsible for the kids for the weekend. That is fair, given you've done all the driving. You might want to talk through what that will involve, if you think he might not completely appreciate it all.

And as you're going away for the weekend as a family, any trips out will have to involve all of you. So no point taking his bike, really.

If your dh doesn't like that, then perhaps he might like to suggest an alternative that would be fair and acceptable to you (like canceling, maybe, or having the friend come to you Smile).

Original poster
queribus · 28/04/2011 18:37

LOL at not taking the bike! I really don't think that's an option.

Seriously, I don't usually mind, but just not this weekend. Oh well, at least it'll be quiet if he sulks all weekend Wink

OP posts:
Heifer · 28/04/2011 18:39

Tell him to go on his own, or his friend comes to you...

squeakytoy · 28/04/2011 18:39

Let him take the car and go. You say you have loads to do at home, so you wont need to be using public transport much.

heliumballoons · 28/04/2011 18:40

toomany Grin PMSL but you have summed it up perfectly.

Inertia · 28/04/2011 18:41

Exactly what toomanypuffles said.

Don't enable your husband's selfishness !

TooManyPufflesInMyIgloo · 28/04/2011 18:41

I really do think it is outrageous that you go away for the weekend and he buggers off for 5 hours or more.

Do you get to go off for 5 hours while he looks after the kids in the difficult unsafe house? Would he think that was fair? Maybe the new girlfriend would like a shopping trip with you ...

Inertia · 28/04/2011 18:43

Take the children's bikes too ...

misshospitalcorners · 28/04/2011 18:56

Tell him you're not joined at the hip - he can go on his own! That's what I used to say to DH when we first lived together. I hated having to be the designated driver and the one who had to catch up with housework after any visit.

You've just been on holiday, and everyone knows after every holiday (with kids) you need another one Grin
If it was me, I'd be irritated that I was fitting in with his friends schedule.

Take a break, tell DH to make is own way there. It's a long trip for just for a bike ride.

clam · 28/04/2011 18:57

Oh for God's sake, what on earth is going on here? This is outrageously unfair, and he thinks it's OK because, presumably, you've gone along with it in the past. So put a stop to it. If he wants to go cycling with his friend that much then a train trip across London with a bike shouldn't put him off.
Clearly "letting the friend down" is not an issue as he's thought nothing of cancelling on you in the past.
If you go ahead with this nutty idea, then I'm afraid you'll only have yourself to blame when he's suggesting the same sort of things for the next 10 years.

Original poster
queribus · 28/04/2011 18:59

Could take children's bikes, but they wouldn't be going for a gentle pootle in the country. Unfortunately, this is full-on lyrcra-clad road cycling for 100km+.

Thought it was sorted, but seems to have developed into full-blown 'disagreement'. DH reckons he'll spend the weekend in the office Hmm

One DC in bed, another to go, then it's wine o'clock.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/04/2011 19:00

What TooMany said. Why isn't he burdened with washing and housework? Why does he find it acceptable to swan off and go play whilst stranding you with the kids?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 28/04/2011 19:03

Tell him you'll go only on the condition that he doesn't leave you alone with two DC at all. Plus what Toomany said.