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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a Daily Mail moment - can anyone help?

71 replies

Gotabookaboutit · 14/04/2011 09:45

OK I am generally in favour of immigration, am from Leicester and love the rich cultural mix- but have recently found myself getting more and more Daily Mail over radicals who live here on benefits, but who see fit to ''slag off'' the western way of life but seem very happy to reap the ''benefits'' both of free speech and social financial support. Even the dreaded ''if its so bad in this country - what the hell are they doing here?'' has gone through my head.

I put my hands up to being very anti religion.

AIBU and need to just see it as media hype over a very small number of highly publicised individuals or do others get the goat as well?

OP posts:
crystalglasses · 14/04/2011 09:48

Yes, I feel a bit \o/ when people complain about this country and how much better it is 'back home'. I try to take it with a pinch of salt because I believe they wouldn't be here if they didn't like it.

Fab123 · 14/04/2011 09:54

Maybe you could politely ask them to tell you more about "their" country next time. It may be that we've got the wrong end of the stick through the media, or it might remind them what they have got away from...?

chandellina · 14/04/2011 09:58

YANBU to be angry with a small set of people who hypocritically feed off a society they profess to despise.
I think people should assimilate with the culture they live in.

Original poster
Gotabookaboutit · 14/04/2011 10:03

Fab - I have a couple of Muslim friends and although we agree to disagree about religion, they see the UK as 'their' country and are friends the same way I am friends with my Polish/Slovak/British/Irish etc friends. The two 'political' imagrenats I know personally are very grateful to be here and both work.

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 14/04/2011 10:03

Well, there is a minority of people who like to bite the hand that feeds them and I will never understand it. It's not compulsory to live here, as far as I know.

However, and what the media rarely report on, is the many, many immigrant families who love the UK and have settled here well. It doesn't sell newspapers nor does it stir up the necessary reactionary response to report on some immigrants who actually like and accept life here.

LittleOneMum · 14/04/2011 10:05

It is just a small minority of people who do this, just remember that. Most people (especially people who are granted asylum here) are deeply grateful to be in this country and away from the horrors of their home state.

TheBolter · 14/04/2011 10:08

By chandellina: YANBU to be angry with a small set of people who hypocritically feed off a society they profess to despise.
I think people should assimilate with the culture they live in.

I totally agree.

I think it's sad if people feel 'forced' to live in a country that they don't like due to trouble in their native country. But if they aren't 'forced' then it does rather beg the question: why live here?

crystalglasses · 14/04/2011 10:09

I feel irrationally pleased whenever 'foreigners' say how much they like living in this country.

Fab123 · 14/04/2011 10:11

Ah yes, the religion thing...again. I like to play devils advocate with people like this and get to the route of why and how they ended up in the UK. Perhaps you could ask why their ancestors decided to come over? Or whether they would consider moving back? I'd pose it as a "oh yes, the weather here is terrible, you are so lucky to have somewhere milder to go back to..." or something similarly wishy-washy to get the ball rolling. I honestly think if they had thought about going back in depth they might not be so quick to flame the support given here. Mind you, at least it sounds as though they are integrating a bit which is what is apparently the main problem in today's headlines!

TheBolter · 14/04/2011 10:11

marmalade - it's a shame there aren't more 'good news' stories from the media on such cases. I live in a predominantly white middle class village and it's very easy to get DM over the immigration question when there isn't enough first-hand experience of actual immigrants in my life.

The OP is however speaking from fist-hand experience and clearly isn't trying to 'find' a problem, rather the opposite.

TheBolter · 14/04/2011 10:12

ha - fist-hand... 'scuse me.

TheBolter · 14/04/2011 10:14

Mind you I slag off this country and I'm from here and have no intention of leaving it! Perhaps we are a little too quick to jump on immigrants' discontent, as in a 'how very dare they' knee jerk reaction. We get it wrong in a lot of ways and they are perfectly entitled to state that!

theresapotatoundermysink · 14/04/2011 10:19

YANBU as long as you realise that the percentage of immigrants who have this attitude is very low.

DarthNiqabi · 14/04/2011 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Gotabookaboutit · 14/04/2011 10:28

Bolter - have no problem with people pointing out our failings in a general- Its the ''all your women are Whores and we have a right to bomb/kill you'' talk that sort of upsets me - and although that's a generalisation, it is the gist of what I have seen on Youtube and in a book shop near us

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 14/04/2011 10:28

TheBolter I live in the West Midlands, which on the whole is very multi-cultural (even though the area in which I live is very white/middle-class) and it's seen as a bit of a non-issue here.

However, I remember this lovely item on the local news about an elderly Muslim guy from Pakistan who lived in Birmingham and how much he loved England and he had decked his house out for the Rugby World Cup. Any other time I would have thought it was a bit patronising but it was at the time that there was a lot of anti-Islamic sentiment about at the time and I think it was just a nice reminder that it isn't the raison d'etre of the majority of Muslims to blow us up. Hmm

woollyideas · 14/04/2011 10:31

YANBU OP. Just take a couple of paracetemol and go for a lie down. Try to remember that the vast majority of immigrant families have made a positive choice to be here and are doing their best to assimilate and will contribute far more to our society than they will ever take out.

My (sadly now deceased) Zimbabwean friend, who was 'godfather' to my DD (we had a humanist naming, so not the correct terminology but you know what I mean...) never stopped saying what a privilege it was to live here and constantly reminded me that I didn't know how lucky I was to have been born in the UK!

woollyideas · 14/04/2011 10:32

Also, when I lived abroad for several years I occasionally used to slag off my adopted country too - usually when their maddening bureaucracy was driving me mad - but isn't that normal?

Original poster
Gotabookaboutit · 14/04/2011 10:36

Wolly I think your right - Its the religious thing that really annoyes me, as I hate hypocracy and it is such as small number not worth worrying about. Also I think as well as a family we are going to lose a lot in these cuts (disabled child), its just a galling thing for me that our taxes are being spent on undeserving gits.

OP posts:
Firawla · 14/04/2011 10:37

ime a lot of the people who speak very negatively about this country are young people who are actually born here and have a more idealised view about back home or islamic countries however they are born and brought up here so they don't have anything to compare it with realistically?
i have friends like this but when they start coming to think of where would they actually move to they soon realise there is not such an easy answer to that question as all countries have their own problems, but its just a kind of niavety that leads them to spouting all this about the uk is so immoral and they will go and settle in a perfect islamic environment
although i do know some older people who have chosen uk to come and live, and yet still they always moan about it. however i know they actually don't want to go back to their original country so they cant hate it that much, so i just ignore
op if its just a few specific people on youtube or in one book shop i would just ignore them.

Xiaoxiong · 14/04/2011 10:38

I find this very interesting - as one of the dreaded immigrants from other places, but having lived in either a British crown colony or the UK all my life, I find the British like to pretend that they are extremely negative about their own culture and society. What I mean is, British people have a sort of ritual moaning that everyone enjoys very much, and you see it on MN all the time - the "is it just me or does xxx annoy everyone else as well" or "the nhs/schools/benefits/roads are being destroyed" or the "nostalgia isn't what it used to be" outlook. Often the only time you are allowed to strike up a conversation with a stranger in public in the UK is for a moan about very specific things: the weather, public transport, a long queue, someone behaving badly etc, usually with backed up with a sort of world-weary fatalistic "it's just typical" and "mustn't grumble" attitude. The gentle communal moan is one of the things I find most endearing about British culture.

British people are very good at moaning and negativity but what can confuse the outsider is that they don't really believe it - just try joining in and saying seriously something you also dislike about the UK, believing yourself to be engaging in a nice communal moan like everyone else, and immediately the sharp edges come out: "well, it's much better than in xxx country where yyy happens", "why did you come here if you didn't like it", etc.

I often wonder if negative comments from immigrants quoted in newspapers are in fact a misguided attempt at cultural assimilation. Someone thinking, "well the British seem to moan so much about their own country, so I'll do it too", not realising that they are breaking all the social rules of faux negativity!

Original poster
Gotabookaboutit · 14/04/2011 10:39

Wolly - complaints are normal - I have lived abroad 2 and love a good moan about French officialdom but I do not wish to bomb them ( well then again Blush - there was one )

OP posts:
marmaladetwatkins · 14/04/2011 10:42

But how many immigrants living in this country compared to how many bombings carried out by immigrants? They don't all wish to bomb us.

I remember the dark days when the IRA used to enjoy bombing the shit out of us. Weird how not many people worry about northern Irish folk. Is it only worrying when the threat comes with a brown face?

TheBolter · 14/04/2011 10:43

Tylperion - yeah but it's like that in other areas of life!

Such as when I criticise my parents to dh. I am allowed to but god forbid he should join in with the criticism! Grin

theoldbrigade · 14/04/2011 10:43

A total can of worms I feel !!

As a nation we have happily accepted immigrants for centuries. I am old enough to remember the 60's when those from the Commonwealth were allowed British passports to basically come and do the jobs which those living here were not prepared to do.

Obviously as a small island certain limits are required but without tolerance and extending a hand to asylum seekers or those in true distress we undermine the very basis of our democracy and ethos.