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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask about your fantasies?

64 replies

indigodreams · 20/11/2010 09:57

I told my friend about a fantasy I had that involved a famous actor. She was shocked and said she never thinks like this! I have these all the time...surely I can't be the only hot blooded woman in the world, am I really so weird?

OP posts:
classydiva · 20/11/2010 09:58

No you aren't weird at all. I never fantasise about an actor though, but it isn't uncommon.

We are all individuals and our fantasies would probably all be different.

HeavenForfend · 20/11/2010 09:58

You are completely normal.

(Depending on which famous actor it was Wink.)

twopeople · 20/11/2010 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NetworkGuy · 20/11/2010 10:12

LOL at HF.

I think that while (most) fantasies are perfectly healthy, there are several taboos about them. (A) some might go way off from what is considered 'normal' behaviour by many people (almost any fetish, for example, may surprise/shock a partner or friend), (B) some might include prosecutable offences or just be such 'bad taste' (in the view of the bystander, even if not quite in a fetish category), and (C) a partner might get very jealous, so sharing some fantasies may be impossible or cause a break down of trust (as they may be suspicious the one with the fantasy may act it out).

Nancy Friday examined fantasies of both men and women, and some of the fantasies experienced (I hesitate at saying enjoyed, though clearly some masochistic ideas gave their owners some form of pleasure!) by women were far more violent or bizarre. If you read through you may feel sickened at what some include in their fantasies, and perhaps understand why the more extreme are difficult to share.

Yours sounds like it just goes a little further than a teenage crush on a famous actor / pop star, taking it to another level, in your head at least...

Really quite 'tame' (no offence intended) compared with being tied up, caned, working in a brothel, etc, etc which some of Nancy Friday's correspondents wrote about.

Your friend may be unwilling to admit to having any fantasies, either because of the problem of jealousy from her partner, or simply had never considered anything like it and is genuinely surprised.

Hope you 'name changed' before saying you have these fantasies 'all the time'

:)

NetworkGuy · 20/11/2010 10:21

Sorry, (A) and (B) look so similar, but imagine

(A) you consider situation of being a dominatrix, giving a (wo)man 100 stokes with a cane, then putting a studded collar on them and 'walking' them down to your dungeon, locking them in a metal cage such that they cannot stand, leaving the room (lights out) for an hour, while they feel cold (no clothes) and sorry for themself.

(B) snorting cocaine, participating in a 'gang bang' with 10 men and then performing watersports (or worse) with them...

The first, while legal, is 'kinky'. The second has elements of illegality (drugs) and 'bad taste' in a number of ways...

Neither might be of interest to many readers, but while the former might be seen as a power thing, the second situation is both degrading and sick (in my view).

PS, no, I would not wish to be the subject for the dominatrix to cane, nor would I wish to participate in any aspect of the other scenario... They were just examples.

indigodreams · 20/11/2010 10:28

Oooh, reading these examples has made me realise I'm OK! Mine are not like these Wink

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 20/11/2010 10:35

I have fantisies about a few actors, some i am aware that i like them, physically, and one time i had a dream about an actor and woke up from having an ahem! and had never had a fantasy about them before.
Suprised me totally.
I think thats quite normal though, definately normal to have a fantasy.

Psammead · 20/11/2010 11:07

It's normal unless it's Mr. Tumble like some sickos ladies on here.

I think women tend to have more vivid fantasies than men.

Witchcat · 20/11/2010 11:14

You are very normal.

So who was the actor? Smile

[need a being checky smiley]

MittzyWithTinselOnHerBittzys · 20/11/2010 11:35
Grin

My fanatsies rarely involve actors, but do include people that I know within the fantasy. It does involve group situations, male and female, and I can be turned on by female actresses. More so than male TBH. I am not sure what that says as when it comes to actually engaging in the act I have always been very hetro-sexual.

I think it is very normal and a little sad for your friend if it actually shocks her.

MittzyWithTinselOnHerBittzys · 20/11/2010 11:36

Oh and Natalie Dorma is my Fab Girly crush Smile

G'waaaaannnnn.... tell us Wink

AngryPixie · 20/11/2010 11:51

I generally have to have met someone, but I do occasionally enjoy really inappropriate thoughts about people I do know, then I always feel somewhat embarrassed when I see them again Blush

cakewench · 20/11/2010 11:52

PMSL @ Mr Tumble!! Thank bob, I must've missed that thread.

NetworkGuy · 20/11/2010 13:58

indigo - hope the examples given were not too shocking, but trust you get the drift - the people who responded to N Friday were (I think) mostly Americans and Canadians, and her first book came out years ago.

Hmmm, just went to find dates and could not find the books, so online I found "Men in Love" dates from 1980, while "My Secret Garden" came out in 1973.

Nancy Friday will be 80 in a couple of years but her most recent book came out in 2009 "Beyond My Control: Forbidden Fantasies in an Uncensored Age" and while some fantasies may remain the same, recent ones might go further as the internet will have influenced what people have seen, if not participated in.

The paperback editions have been out in various years since 2001. I assume the paperbacks have been updated since the original 70s manuscripts were written.

Amazon has several books from her on female fantasies, and someone else has brought out a 'bumper book' of women's fantasies, so you might get a copy for educational purposes !

NetworkGuy · 20/11/2010 14:02

Just went back to look and her latest only got 1 star (from one voter, admittedly) while several others hit 4 or more with at least 8 voters.

A few of them are from 3 pounds to 4.50, so some light reading if Christmas TV gets boring !

indigodreams · 20/11/2010 14:35

"Bumper book of fantasies" Sounds fun... I'm sure I could fill a book with mine!

I also feel a bit sad for my friend if she never has the odd saucy daydream, what on earth does she do when she in the queue in Sainbury's? (or is that just me?)

OP posts:
MittzyWithTinselOnHerBittzys · 20/11/2010 14:40

Definitely not just you Indigo Smile

NetworkGuy · 20/11/2010 17:56

I'll have to keep a lookout for ladies who seem to be "miles away" while in the queue...

Unfortunately, if I give them a "knowing smile", they could either blush crimson, or hit out at me (eg with handbag), or be completely baffled as they were considering the chores / meals / holiday / work and then think "weirdo" !

PS It was something like Massive book (publisher Massive). If you search for Bumper book of Fantasies you might never find it. There was a mention on the Amazon page regarding all the books by Nancy F. I assume some of the items included have been sourced from various NF books.

You may fill a book with yours, but I suspect the variety in any one of NFs books would be enough to force a few blushes!

NetworkGuy · 20/11/2010 18:01

Mittzy - perhaps the friend has something shocking in her fantasies and realised quickly that she could not reciprocate by saying, oh yes, in my fantasies three women come into the room and ... so acted shocked as if happily married ladies don't have fantasies, do they ?

Psammead · 20/11/2010 18:03

So, who was the actor? Mine is Hugh Jackman, but only as Wolverine.

Your turn!

jacksmomma · 20/11/2010 19:09

I love fantasising , I'm married and fantasising is a way of exploring things that are otherwise forbidden to me , mine normally involve hard looking men the type I wouldn't be able to approach in rl Jason statham is a good example. ; ) I think it's perfectly healthy and lots of fun

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 20/11/2010 21:27

David Tennant is my fantasy! Grin

nonanny · 20/11/2010 21:34

In which accent do you prefer him?

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 20/11/2010 21:49

Ooh im not bothered really. Like them both but its not his accent im after Wink

victoriascrumptious · 20/11/2010 21:53

I can't believe someone mentioned Mr Tumble. Mr Tumble/Justin is the ideal marrying type-no need to dirty him with sordid sexual fantasies