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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its ok to use the disabled toilet?

104 replies

darcymum · 15/07/2010 17:04

I am able bodied but it does annoy me that disabled toilets are often locked while a long line snakes outside the other toilets. Why can't we use it? what do they think we are going to do?

I was at gay pride once with really long lines outside all the toilets, including disabled and when a disabled person arrived (even without visible disabilities) they just went straight to the front of the line, no problem. In fact quicker than having to find a staff member to open it for them.

I'm sure I'll be flamed for my ignorance but go ahead, I might learn something.

OP posts:
meltedmarsbars · 15/07/2010 22:22

They're still no use to use, whether they're locked or not.

No changing bed or hoist in most of them.

So we just don't go out.

misslostmarbles · 15/07/2010 22:29

are we now at the stage of rating whose disability is worse? if you have continence problems most people prepare for accidents by keeping changes with them or wearing a pad and anyone reasonable would use whatever loo is available. most disabilities are hidden and so please stop judging people for using your facilities and town planners please give us all some more space.

troublewithtalk · 15/07/2010 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumbar · 15/07/2010 22:37

Staying davids girl I'm sorry to meet in these circs but thats just if for me. When I get that punch feeling in my stomach that says bowels moving I retch and often need to vomit before opening my bowels. I do think that disabled loos are ok for people in these circs. I was being serious about having medical needs loos etc.

SanctiMoanyArse · 15/07/2010 22:52

TTT not everyone can

I mentioned my brother in law further down; due to medical mismanagement he has a colostomy bag, and because he ahs so much traumatic skin damage aorund that it often leaks, he had to leave a family wedding last month for that reason and ended up being rushed to hospital for more surgery.

there are degrees of everything. At its worst he was using the loo 200 times a day.

Nobody is equating CP with IBS etc (I have 2 chidlren who get middle adn H rate DLA myself ) but i'd certainly understand a delay for someone who had a condition that can cause incontinence at it's worst when I would not appreciate a delay for someone who didn't see why they should wait.

DH had IBS for ages, serious enough to need GP prescription drugs but is lucky enough that it is diet controlled, he didn;t need disabled looa ccess but many otehrs do- he was simply lucky.

There are plenty of temporary reasons why someone may need a disbaled loo; my only one usage IIRC was when I had hyperemesis, hardly CP either but still pretty nasty (I ended up in hospital on a drip). When I had SPD I was lucky that I was absed at a Uni where there were plenty of toilets with decent access but if not I would have needed disabled ones to use the bars to hauil myself up after using the facillity.

And that's why i guess I like what I learned IKEA do; the wider access toilets.

Oh and you know- CP isn't universally a serious disability; ds3's best friend has CP and has no toiletting isues at all, he is affected in very different ways. Far better to look at individuals and their needs (extra help with toiletting / hearing loops / communication support / etc) than to try to adhere to some blanket labels.

2shoes · 15/07/2010 22:55

but CP can be severe as well as Riven and I can testify, but you are right, these toilets should be in uses for people who have conditions that mean they need them, even if they arn't "disabled"
but not as I said before for people who just can't be arsed to wait a few moments.

SanctiMoanyArse · 15/07/2010 23:02

Of course it can 2shoes and I would never say it could not; like many other disorders it varies.

And I agree withe verything you have posted on here 2shoes, I was cheering at your bolded post LOL

desanimaux · 15/07/2010 23:04

But the number of people who honestly need them is surely far less than the huge queue behind?

SanctiMoanyArse · 15/07/2010 23:08

Huh?

Well yes that's part of the point (as wella s accessibility etc): quick access when needed.

desanimaux · 15/07/2010 23:13

DST
If you've seen it all before, why don't you fuck off and find another outlet?

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 15/07/2010 23:19

Who's DST?

MmeLindt · 15/07/2010 23:42

I agree with 2shoes.

If a person with any kind of additional needs, whether permanent or temporary, and without comparing whose affliction is worse, then they should not feel bad about using a disabled toilet.

The people who cannot be arsed to queue for 5 minutes should be ashamed. That is what this thread is about. Not those with IBS or morning sickness.

And I have on occasion asked if DD can jump the queue when she was very little and really desperate to go - I would rather do that than use a disabled toilet.

poppyknot · 16/07/2010 00:21

As an aside, during a stop on some M6 (Hilton Park(?) Services, I had to find a loo quickly. The sign said it was upstairs. I was beginning to panic as I had left my stick at the table with D|H and DDs who were having a snack.
Found a sign for the lift.
Lift was not working.
Found disabled loos. This was locked and I had to ask for a key.
Had to struggle all the way back round to find someone to ask.
Eventually got key and to loo.

On the way back to my table a nice lady with a walking stick came up to me and asked me if I had got the key alright (I had passed her on my first fruitless journey round to the lift).
She told me about radar keys and how you can get them. This small act of sympathy (and information) made my day. I had not been told about the Key before........

My MS frustrates as it is and badly placed loos (for anyone - I mean a service station where you have to take a lift to get to the loo!) just make me fume. I became a planner of public facilities in my dreams - where would be the best place to put the loos - and how nice can they be...........

maryz · 16/07/2010 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buzzybb · 16/07/2010 01:12

On the other side our local shopping centre has able bodied toilets and disabled toilets together in the one space and out side there are 4 parent and children bathrooms, two separate baby changing rooms and then a baby feeding room. DP took the children today and the dc being toilet trained had an accident because he could not get to the family bathroom as two were being used by people with special needs and two by lazy people who would not walk 2 feet down the corridor. He did give a carer and a disabled person his view. Why should they use the family space when there were facilities specifically for their requirements [and clearly signed],
Eldest is a girl to old to go into the mens but to young to leave out side alone and dd is in a buggy so could not be left outside a cubicle without her screaming the place down.
Also the staff will direct people to the disabled toilet when a queue has formed

colditz · 16/07/2010 01:13

the problem with being able bodied is that you may not always be able minded.

For a while I used to have to use the disabled loo because Ds1, whilst fit and healthy, would simply wander off if left outside a cubicle. And I don't mean go and play with the taps. I mean he wouold have just fucked off.

I got some filthy looks - not even from physically disabled people - but I'm still not prepared to make him walk around with marker pen on his head saying "Autistic Spectrum Disorder - Must be Completely Supervised" - and I didn't even know he was Autistic then, I just knew he didn't listen to a bloody word I said.

I couldn't take him in the cubicle with me because there is not enough ROOM for a toddler, a five year old and a porky adult in a standard cubicle. Plus, i used to use the pushchair to block the door insode the disabled cubicle, so he didn't undo the door and sod off whilst I sat there shitting through the eye of a needle (IBS)

Buzzybb · 16/07/2010 01:16

Mayz I also have used the gents [vomit] when in dire need so as not to use the disabled toilet [pregnant and poor bladder control, desperate need]

Buzzybb · 16/07/2010 01:20

Colditz My view is disabled/ illness then family and pregnant should have a def right to use them esp when they are the unlocked variety but everyone else who can should wait for a regular cubicle

MmeLindt · 16/07/2010 06:53

MaryZ
This is exactly the point that I have been making. If only half of the 14 people in the queue ahead of you decide to use the disabled toilet to save waiting, then that is 7 people for an average of, say, 3 minutes. The loo is then constantly blocked for at least 20 minutes.

Simply because these people cannot be bothered waiting.

Yes, there is a moment in between one person emerging from the loo and the next entering, but the chances of a person who desperately needs the loo not being able to immediately use it is much higher.

And I include situations like Colditz's in that group.

Additional Needs - means anyone who for whatever reason cannot safely or comfortably use the normal toilets.

melikalikimaka · 16/07/2010 07:08

I think its ok actually, you cannot always see the disability a person has. I always use it if is available cos a lot of the time it is underused. My excuse, one kidney, is that ok?

SanctiMoanyArse · 16/07/2010 07:08

Buzzy

How did your dh know these people didn;t have special needs? They are not always (often?) visible. My ds1 hs no visible SN at all.

You can;t possibly tell whether somene using a differentiated loo has special needs. How would you know if it were healthy looking 36 year old BIL needing to empty his bag in a sapace with a sink? Pr someone with an spectrum disorder?

This is a topice entirely about personal responsibility: if I see you using the loo ahead of my boys then I assume you have an invisible need; the proce we pay in return for that level of trust is not to abuse it

roundthebend4 · 16/07/2010 07:44

Ds looks perectly normal and is bar has crohns when needs to go he needs to go now he really can not wait sadly he has had to start taking a change if clothes out with him no fun at 13 so he has his own radar key and I trust him not to abuse it and sadly gents often only have one stall .

I go along with the if your using presume you geniuley need it. Not just can't be bothered to wait

Buzzybb · 16/07/2010 10:14

No SantiMoanyArse his row was that there were 3 empty disabled toilets and they choose to use the family toilet which is separate and has family facilities he would not use the disabled even when with the children, and it meant that the toddler had an accident. Those with special needs obvious or not also have a responsibility to use facilities as they are meant/provided. This is a topic that will always be emotive and will never solve the problem unfortunately.

Buzzybb · 16/07/2010 10:27

Actually what this thread highlights is that everybody has a responsibility to be respectful of others and their needs [visible or not] and not presume but that needs to be across the board. And it seems we are far from agreeing which shows it is emotive and not rational

porcamiseria · 16/07/2010 10:31

i came out of a disbaled loo last week (I am heavily pregnant thats my shitty excuse) and just as I left a lady in a wheelchair came up. SHAME!!!!!