To wonder if I should hassle my ex to give me more money?

[TrickyTeenagersMum]

My ex gives me £300 a month to support our son, who is primary school age. He (my ex) is well off in a job that - I'm guessing - pays around the £45k mark. Ds is his only child and he is single.
Do you think that's a reasonable amount for him to pay - what do other dads in this position give? We've never been to court, CSA or anything. I work and am remarried. I'd be really interested to see what you all think.

Think he should be paying 20%.

So on 45,000 he probably has 2,700 take home - so £530 a month-ish?

Why don't you just go through the CSA - why bother 'hassling' him?

I think you should consider yourself lucky to get that much tbh. If you want to get the CSA involved then do by all means, but they are a hassle to deal with, even if the ex is compliant.

If you asked him outright what do you think he would say?

It doesn't really matter what other dad's pay? You'll find many pay nothing, many pay a lot less as they probably earn a lot less than £45,000 a year.

Does he pay for extras, outside of maintenance? How often does he have your son overnight?

Going through the CSA, with a yearly income of £45,000, he would pay 15% of his NET weekly income to you in child support ... that would be approx £95 a week. But it would then be reduced for the nights he has your son overnight, if any.

I wouldn't "hassle" him to pay you extra. That seems unnecessary. If you think he is paying less than he should, ask him to look at the CSA calculator on their website and suggest an increase. If you're not happy with that, go to the CSA.

Thats quite generous maintenance.

What you have got to be wary about is whether he lowered it when you remarried/moved in with your new partner - which he could've done. You may be better off just leaving things be.

My sons dad has given me £40 a week for 8 years .

The Parent With Care moving in with a partner or marrying has no affect on child support (on the new CSA system anyway). It would only have an affect on spousal maintenance (if any).

CSA says it's 15% of net salary for a single child. So going by Laurie's estimate of him taking home £2,700, his contribution should be more like £400.

You are being greedy. He gives you more than enough to raise one child on.

But it depends on if he has the child overnight at all. He would receive a reduction if he has the child at least one night a week.

Also, if he is self employed or gets a lot of "allowances" through his work, it might be best to leave it as it is as he could end up paying a lot less through the CSA if he decides to "fiddle the figures".

See, detective potato, I wanted to say that. My ex pays a mere 30 quid a week. But he is a layabout frankly.
If the ex earns that, then he has a legal, and let's face it, moral, obligation to pay what he can to support the child. And blimey, 300 quid a month would mean I could give my kid a lot that I can't afford. No, I can't see that it's needed, especially if the op works and has remarried. But the ex's obligation is no less because of that, and by all accounts, he can afford it. It's the 'hassle' part that sits badly with me.

Wow thanks guys, that was quick. Wi-i-i-ide variety of advice though - maybe I'd be better leaving things as they are? We have always tried to do everything amicably and informally, without getting "them" involved. I just wondered, is all, as we haven't raised the amount for years.
He has ds about six weeks a year, I'd say, and doesn't pay for anything else at all.
The reason I'm not asking him straight out is because I genuinely don't want to be unreasonable, though nor do I want to be a mug.
£40 makes me feel a bit shocked, poor you.

I would let sleeping dogs lie (so to speak) I think you are very fortunate to receive that amount of maintenance. I am also quite fortunate in that my ex pays £50 p/w but he will also pay towards other things like, new school uniform, trainers for P.E. ect - I wouldnt rock the boat. I certainly wouldn't involve the CSA.

6 weeks a year would equate to about 36, so he wouldn't get a reduction until 52 nights a year. On £45,000 a year, with no reduction, you're looking at approx £400 a month. It's up to you to decide whether it is worth asking for the extra and disrupting the status quo.

Does he pay the £300 a month without fail and no disruptions?

If he didn't agree and you went to the CSA, you would also have to prepare yourself for some time with no payments at all whilst the assessment is being sorted ... plus the other possible problems I mentioned above depending on his employment.

Ok I take back the "hassle", can we replace it with the more neutral "ask"!
I'm not disputing that £300 isn't enough to raise a kid on, I'm just trying to find out what, if anything, I could/should be entitled to, seeing as we plucked the £300 figure out of thin air about 8 years ago and haven't changed it since. I honestly had absolutely no idea how fair/normal an amount it is compared to other situations.
£30 and £40 a week sounds very little, so now I can see I have been fortunate.

My eldest son's father has paid me £21 a month for 14 years. Doesn't contribute much to his upbringing really, does it?! He's a tosser! The CSA have always been involved in our case and are clearly useless.

I think £300 is a reasonable amount, but if he is earning decent money then it seems only fair that your son should benefit from that. I think I would personally discuss it with your ex first and see what he says. If he buys a lot of things for your son/spends lots of money on him when he has him and contributes to things like school trips etc then I think I'd be inclined to let it go or ask for a minor adjustment for the sake of keeping a good relationship with my son's father.

Yes, Choc hob nob, he pays without fail every month. I think you all might be right, perhaps I should leave well alone. Or maybe just suggest a £50 rise to allow for 8 years of inflation.
Thank you all, is v helpful - I appreciate it.

"You are being greedy. He gives you more than enough to raise one child on."

£300.00 per month = roughly £10.00 per day, I wouldn't say this was "more than enough to raise a child on"

I don't think the OP is "greedy" either; she just wants her ex to provide for her child.

Why not have a discussion with him once the VAT goes up in January?

He "should" pay 15% of his net weekly income. But people come to different decisions depending on the individuals.

You're fortunate he isn't on benefits, he would pay you £5 a week ... if he was a student, he would pay nothing.

sounds like a correct amount would normally equate to something like £85 a week. so sounds about right.

go to the csa website and you can enter details to find out how much should be paid.

I am shocked

thats fuck all! so you pay rent, food, clothes, bills and are the primary caregiver?

On his salary, no other committments I'd be wanting about £500

either way, you are NOT being greedy

Good grief, midori, that sucks. poor you. I suppose all I am thinking is, ds has a wealthy-ish dad, and though £300 is a good amount, there are all sorts of things we could do with more money that ds would benefit from. He is musical and I pay for lessons for that which cost £1000 pa, so there's a whole quarter's worth of money gone already IYSWIM.
I do understand this is not about me scratching around hand-to-mouth to make sure my kid doesn't starve, which is a whole different thread, isn't it.

Porca, thank you, I was beginning to feel a bit like Ivana Trump or something there. Yes, I pay for the roof over ds head, all his clothes, food, entertainment, school trips, swimming lessons, after school and holiday childcare, etc etc etc.
Oh and his pony of course. Now shoot me!

according to the csa he should be paying £300 a month. Please dont forget he is entitled to his mortgage/rent payments to be deducted from his annual salary. As well as some money for food/bills.

and of course if you are earning that also comes into the equation too.

This is coming from someone who hasn't had a single penny from my ex since we split 9 years ago...

I would say that it depends on what kind of a guy he is, £300 to me seems good at the moment, perhaps you should think about the best times to ask for more money as just because he pays £300 now, thing will become more expensive as your child grows. In my experience, in the last year of primary school, there is usually an expensive residential trip, the first year of high school you have more expensive uniform to buy and a lot more trips.

Think also about if asking for more right now might rock the boat and could make getting the £300 more difficult.

Perhaps you could try to get it in a different way, like asking for extra things, like get him to come with you or take your child shopping at the start of the school year for uniform and shoes, contribute extra when school trips come up or go shopping in the summer for summer clothes, that way he might not notice so much that you are asking for more money.

Silly argument to say "you're being greedy cos I get less". Surely what's important is how much the father contributes to his child - it doesn't matter that other fathers get away with paying less.

You would expect a wealthy father to pay more towards his children than someone who is less wealthy, rather than having more disposable income to spend on himself.