To wonder if I should hassle my ex to give me more money?

[TrickyTeenagersMum]

My ex gives me £300 a month to support our son, who is primary school age. He (my ex) is well off in a job that - I'm guessing - pays around the £45k mark. Ds is his only child and he is single.
Do you think that's a reasonable amount for him to pay - what do other dads in this position give? We've never been to court, CSA or anything. I work and am remarried. I'd be really interested to see what you all think.

[ChocHobNob]

I think you are well within your rights to suggest looking at the amount again considering it has stayed the same for 8 years. Perhaps send him a polite letter explaining you are seeking a reassessment of the amount he pays. You have had a look at the CSA website to see how much a non resident parent "should" pay and would encourage him to do the same, put his details into their online calculator and come back with a sensible suggestion based on the results.

You say he is on around £45,000. How accurate is that though? Could it be less? If it is, you should be prepared for the amount to be reduced if the calculator comes out with less (however likely that may be).

[StanHouseMuir]

The amount seems reasonable to me. Paying for your DS is not his responsibility alone and I would assume that you would also contribute a similar amount. Therefore, is £600 per month enough to feed and clothe a child along with a contribution towards the bills/mortgage etc? Having 3 children myself, I would say yes.

[TrickyTeenagersMum]

Thank you all, I have had a visit to the CSA site calculator which I had never even heard of and on this sort of income it's looking like £300 is about right. So yes, I shall stay with it as it is, I like the suggestion of asking my ex to pay for the school trip (which is indeed imminent) and perhaps some clothes etc. Thanks a lot for all your help!

[timehealsall]

I'm a divorced Dad and I'd definitely recommend the CSA - we had some teething problems with them, but it's worth the hassle and both our solicitors suggested it was the best way to go.

I guess when you get a 3rd party involved to adjudicate the amount it helps because there isn't much room for argument from either party beyond that - this is the correct amount as ruled by government agency.

Also I still buy clothes / toys, etc for DS myself for when he's with me which often end up in his other residence so you could encourage that a bit to help out. No idea if that already happens or what your ex is like, but I really enjoy shopping for toys with him, gives me a chance to regress to! If your on good terms as someone else suggested perhaps you could invite him on a joint shopping expedition - I bet he wouldn't be able to resist buying a groovy toy your DC falls for!

[ChocHobNob]

Having read many, many horror stories of the CSA's involvement, if things are going OK at the moment OP, I would leave it as that. I would not contact them unless your ex started causing hassle with payments.

[shimmerysilverglitter]

No she is NOT being greedy, it that is what he earns then he should be paying more.

Even the law recognises that!

I cannot believe some of you are saying that.

Just because some have horrible exes who don't pay it doesn't mean that those who do should just settle for what their ex sees fit to pay because it is relatively generous.

Legally he should be paying more. I would point this out quite pleasantly to him and only then involve the CSA.

[mamatomany]

My ex is earning £200,000 a year and paying £200 a month, i would love to hassel him but as the CSA will not enforce it i'm scarred to rock the boat, £200 is better than nothing but the system stinks.

[shimmerysilverglitter]

Surely your ex would not want an attachment of earnings on his wages mamatomany? Or do the CSA not do that?

My ex holds quite a responsible job and would be horrified at the thought of people he worked with knowing that his ex wife had had to go to the CSA to get him to support his kids.

[ChocHobNob]

How many children do you have mamatomany?

The CSA will enforce what they deem correct, 15% for one child, 20% for two and 25% for 3 or more. Deductions for overnighters and any other children in the NRPs household.

[mamatomany]

Just the one child with him, although if it actually is enforced i shall wish we had twins
The CSA wrote to me telling me that I should be getting nearly £1500 a month but when I said great can I have it please they said have you got a court order, I said I haven't got his address and that was the end of that.
I could get a court order sent to his work address but my worry is that in the meantime payments will stop and what if it doesn't work ? That £200 is the difference between us buying clothes and shoes or not.

[hairytriangle]

I wouldn't 'hassle' him.

I think he's making a reasonable contribution. What financial contribution are you making, out of interest?

[hairytriangle]

Jeesus! £1,500 a month!!!! That's a helluva lot of money to keep an 8 year old!

[ChasingSquirrels]

£1,500 IS a lot of money - BUT the child's father earns a lot of money. Why should he not maintain the child to this standard just because he is no longer with the child's mother?

[mamatomany]

My child isn't 8 she's 10 and if he's taking home £9,000 a month and has a wife earning with no other children why the hell should I be counting out the 10p's to pay the milk man because I have to find £7k a year to educate his daughter having fed and clothed her, which he contributes £2,400 towards.

[ChocHobNob]

mamatomany ... I originally read your post to say your ex earns £20,000 a year and thought, "£1500 a month!?! The poor bloke doesn't even earn that much himself a month!" lol

Why have the CSA capped it at £200 a MONTH?

The most income they can take into account a week is £2000. So if you're ex is on £200,000 a year, £2244 a week... then they can assess him at £2000 a week and you should be getting £300 a WEEK in maintenance. You could then go to the courts to claim maintenance out of the remaining £244 a week (if you chose to).

Is it really £200 a month you get? Something's wrong there ...I don't know if you have made a typo or been given incorrect information

[hairytriangle]

Chasing I disagree. It should be about what the child needs (financially and in every other way) and his half of financial contribution - not about what he earns

[ChocHobNob]

Taken from the CSA website ...

Is there a limit to the amount of child maintenance
a non-resident parent can be made to pay through
the CSA?
Yes. The maximum amount of net weekly income we can use to
work out child maintenance is £2,000. If the non-resident parent
earns more than £2,000 a week, the parent with care can apply
to the court for extra maintenance. There is more information on
our website at www.csa.gov.uk.

...

Are you on CSA1 or CSA2? When did the case get opened? Before April 2003?

(He's probably paying into a pension as well, which at least some will be taken off of his income though.)

sorry to thread jack OP

[porcamiseria]

I am flabbergasted by how little these men pay

seems to me that they can fuck off and then get away with paying a measly amount

Then people thinks it OK???

I "pay" my SAHD DP more than that, and pay the bills! and we are not loaded

genuinely shocked

as for mamas ex, thats so not right in any shape or form

its not about the money, its about Dads just fucking off on their kids and being allowed to pay measly money

Its that they can swan off and do what they like, holidays, pub nights. and they get acess and the Mum is sweating her arse of buying asda own brand

[MadreInglese]

"counting out the 10p's to pay the milk man because I have to find £7k a year to educate his daughter"

?

[mamatomany]

No he's paying £200 per month due to the agreement being drawn up 10 years ago, obviously he forgot to mention the rather huge pay increases he's had since then.
But the CSA kindly wrote to let me know based on his tax returns but cannot promise me they'll actually enforce a penny of payment hence I'm worried about rocking the boat too, I know exactly how the OP feels.

[porcamiseria]

mama

GET A LAWYER!!!!

seriously, 200K and he pays £200PM, something is not right here

anyway, sorry OP, back to you....

[ChocHobNob]

Ah that makes sense. Is he self employed? If he is a PAYE employee, the CSA will just add a detachment of earnings to his wages for the correct amount. His employer can be fined for not co-operating. You may end up losing some payments while it's being sorted though, so something to weigh up.

If he is self employed, he can easily fiddle his books and tell the CSA he is earning a lot less and they cannot attach a detachment of earnings.

[MoonUnitAlpha]

A child shouldn't be disadvantaged because it's parents don't live together - if the non resident parent earns lots of money, why shouldn't the child see the benefits?

[oiteach]

If you have court order then you can go back to court to get a variation to the order. It's not complicated, you can do it yourself or get a family law solicitor to sort it for you.

[mamatomany]

Yeah but then he risks being charged with tax evasion which for a financial advisor would not be a good look at all.
You know you're right I've got the bit between my teeth again, I didn't have it in me to fight him before but I think I've got to for my whole families sake.
Sorry OP [blush}