Alcohol & the Festive Season

[brightspice]

If you're not happy with your alcohol consumption, this can feel a really tricky time of year. Wanting to drink less but still wanting to have fun. But is that even possible? And how? Any how about all the stress at this time of year - how to cope with that without a glass or three? No wonder many people put off making any changes until January.

I want to offer it's totally possible to have a fantastic time and drink less or nothing at all. And that if you want to change your consumption, starting now rather than waiting to get things 100% perfect for dry January is the better approach.

I've started this thread to serve as a place to come together and share experiences - things that are helping, challenges you're having, a sense of shared togetherness.

I'll post tips and suggestions from time to time and am happy to answer any questions you have about enjoying the festive season while developing a more healthy relationship with alcohol.

Great thread, thank you
I fell off the wagon yesterday after an on- off battle with sobriety and it's soooo tempting to wait until January (because that's when everyone else is doing it) but I think that I'm really just making excuses to drink
I've had a sober Christmas and loved it. Best of recent years tbh.
There are lots of comforting and seasonal drinks that are AF so I'm off shop today
Nothing beats a big mug of tea though

@wanttobesober interesting, isn't it, how we tell ourselves that drinking at this time of year makes it all so much fun but you have the direct opposite experience!! That your sober Christmas was great....

So one thing I advise is to not have an all or nothing approach if that feels challenging (allowing yourself to just drink or holding yourself back to be sober).

Then we can drop the talk of falling off the wagon and instead start asking what if there were no wagon? What if there were no need to keep gripping and being on the wagon as it carries us forward... which is all very passive and a bit like white-knuckling it.

What if by being aware of what's going on around us and asking "what do I need right now?" we could trust ourselves to take care of ourselves? If we're feeling stressed up to the eyeballs with screaming children and stroppy relatives, just making the decision to put ourselves first and maybe go and sit in a quiet room or even just walking to the corner shop and back - or to pour a warming cup of tea (yes I agree nothing beats tea!) and letting ourselves actually SIT STILL while we drink it rather than buzzing around.... just to do those things that help us destress in the moment so we don't save it all up to the end of the day then resent ourselves when we drink.

Ok that approach doesn't really sound helpful for me wanting to not drink

It deals with the desire to drink at source - when you figure out how you're feeling and by giving yourself what you need during the day, this prevents building up the urge to relax by way of a glass or two. There's more to drinking less than just tackling the action of drinking.

Second sober Christmas here as I am approaching 16 months sober.

it’s already way easier than last year. Drink has just faded to become an irrelevance now, I barely even notice it any more. Last year it felt a big achievement to not drink. This year it just “is”.

I’m loving having a good time, retaining my dignity instead of slurring/stumbling around, and driving where I need to be. Seeing drunk people only reaffirms I made the right choice

That's encouraging
I'm just worried that if I don't set myself a zero limit I'll use it as an excuse to wait until January to quit
My OH drinks so the house is full of wine (that's what I find most difficult to resist) and other drinks. I'm tired and I do miss the wine buzz- even though I'm always delighted and relieved when I don't drink- the mornings are great

Yeah. No one ever wakes up sober and wishes they’d got pissed the night before

So true

This is the perfect thread. I'm approaching my first sober Christmas and I want to be fully armed to approach it so I want to get some non alcoholic wines in stock.
Can anyone recommend anything?

I like a Nozecco
I also have lyres orange sec with tonic and a mulled fruit punch

Great thread OP!

This will be my second sober christmas. I was in my pink cloud bubble last year but im finding this year more tricky. I keep have an internal debate in my head as to why I should have a glass of baileys on christmas eve. I flip between telling myself as long as I avoid wine/beer etc then a baileys at Christmas is fine. But we all know its not. I am playing it forward and I know that yes I may stick to a Baileys BUT I will convince myself I can have a baileys on christmas as well, then maybe one in my coffee, then again on boxing day, you get the picture

So my more logical side of my brain has won, a lovely big mug of hot chocolate is just as lovely, same as a nice cup of tea. I may get some nosecco too for with dinner. And I know that the wonderful clear head and the feeling of being 2 bloody years sober on new years day will be amazing!

I've had two amazing years of no anxiety, inner peace, calmness and joy and a glass of bloody baileys isn't worth risking that!

@wanttobesober Thanks for those recommendations, they are now on the list.
@Allthecatsandcosyblankets Congratulations on avoiding the Baileys! I am still at the stage of not even allowing myself to consider the question but I can imagine after two years it will start niggling its way into my head. I am stocking the fridge with interesting drinks to distract myself. Ive also got my marshmallows, flakes and squirty cream at the ready for hot chocolate so I won't feel deprived.

Allthecats
It is absolutely not worth it
I slipped last night and regretted everything after the first glass which wasn't even all that

I also slipped last night. For me it was about reducing the number of nights I drink over the Christmas period and I’d designated last night as a sober one. But I finally finished work and caved to the already open bottle of Prosecco. That turned into a free-for-all which I now regret.
Oh well. I’ll do tonight sober instead, and try not to beat myself up.
Im seriously considering quitting altogether in the new year.

We'll both feel better tomorrow after being sober today
Live and learn c

Findyourneutralspace
Quitting completely is the only reliable option for me. Moderation is entirely unsatisfactory

Thank you for posting. My exh (father to my children) passed away from alcohol related causes aged just 54. I have both the greatest respect and fear of alcohol as I know first hand the way it sneaks into ones life and makes itself at home. It is a guest that long outstays it's welcome and needs to be forcibly evicted when it becomes a trouble maker.

Happy Xmas. This is my first one without drinking. It was a nice realisation this morning that although I’d had next to no sleep, at least I wasn’t hung over, and today I didn’t have a snooze after lunch.

When I was shopping for supplies a couple of days ago, I did have a bit of nostalgia seeing different rums and stuff for sale, reminding me of holidays and some good times. I felt a little sad that I had no interest in drinking it any more. A bit like when you are about twelve and realise that playing with your toys just doesn’t feel the same any more and they now belong in the past.

It feels nice and relaxed though.

Interesting about mornings. I’ve always been a night owl but over the last year I e started to go to the gym in the morning. I’ve seen a whole new world. My 2023 goal is to budget focus earlier.
I never feel like drinking at 6am but. 6pm is a whole different ball game.
Am I alone in. Praying for this period to be over????

There's a big difference between a) having a drink and b) having a drink that you despise yourself for. One of the most important things I cover with my clients is for them to drop the shame and judgement (as often these emotions lead to more drinking). If you do find yourself having a drink when you don't really feel like one, try asking: what do I need right now? Often at this time of year I hear things like 'a bit of peace and quiet' so find ways to give yourself that even in micro ways like walking round the block to get away from family for a bit. And to not accept that drinking is inevitable even after you've poured it. I cover this in the latest episode of my 90 Days Podcast (number 55 called 'Just pause')

As to @Findyourneutralspace why you want to drink at 6pm and never 6am it is habit pure and simple. It's no different to you making a cup of tea first thing in the morning or cleaning your teeth twice a day. Your brain is simply running the "it's 6pm now we have a drink" program... but the more you're able to

And @Allthecatsandcosyblankets love your post - yes, seeing the benefits in things like a lovely mug of hot chocolate (for me it's the really gentle sparkling bubbles in San Pellegrino water) is a great way of saying yes to yourself instead of feeling like you're constantly saying no!

@Findyourneutralspace the second half of my sentence got cut off! The more you're able to interrupt the 'it's 6pm let's drink' program by not drinking in a relaxed and calm and accepting manner, in a surprisingly short amount of time your brain will stop running that program. The trick is to do this in a relaxed way, though. Fighting and resisting the urge to drink will only make the drink seem more irresistible. So just let the familiar desire for a drink come at 6pm, wait for a couple of minutes then watch it go. Repeat.

Thanks @brightspice - that makes perfect sense. I’ve already made big strides in some ways around drinking, reducing the number of days I drink significantly. Unfortunately I’m a binger, so I’m looking forward to a different way of life.
I think I’ll have a listen to your podcast. I love podcasts anyway, and it might keep me inspired. There are so many pro-drinking voices in my circle and the media that it will be good to hear something more aligned to how I view alcohol and help me achieve my goals.

Yesterday, Christmas Day, looked outside, and a man, 40/50’s was lying dead drunk face down on pavement outside our house.
He then vomited.
I thought it was blood, but it must have been red wine.
He staggered off, and I bucket of watered ( Three lots) the disgusting mess he left.

To people who attempt sobriety- All power to you.

Alcohol is a nasty drug, more physically damaging than heroin to the body, yet fully legal as taxed to the max by government.

Go figure.

Just popping back here to hold myself a little bit accountable. I’ve definitely over indulged this week and it’s taken it’s toll.
I’m going to a party tonight and planning on being AF. I’ve got a swim event in the morning and I always feel so fresh and clear headed afterwards that it would be stupid to rob myself of that with a hangover. Plus I need to drive and the way my drinking has gone recently I’d be over the limit.
I’ve just listened to the 90 days podcast around surviving celebrations and I’m sure I can do it. And if it’s miserable I’ll come home.
I think having other things to look forward to will help…. I hope!! 😬

@Findyourneutralspace It's great the way you're thinking about the evening. You get to decide what kind of experience you're going to have. How could you have THE BEST New Year's Eve EVER, but be totally AF? Step into the Future You who is at the swim event in the morning feeling bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Feel in your body how great that feels, how powerful and glorious it feels to be in control? Then go and have the most splendid time!