Alcohol & the Festive Season

[brightspice]

If you're not happy with your alcohol consumption, this can feel a really tricky time of year. Wanting to drink less but still wanting to have fun. But is that even possible? And how? Any how about all the stress at this time of year - how to cope with that without a glass or three? No wonder many people put off making any changes until January.

I want to offer it's totally possible to have a fantastic time and drink less or nothing at all. And that if you want to change your consumption, starting now rather than waiting to get things 100% perfect for dry January is the better approach.

I've started this thread to serve as a place to come together and share experiences - things that are helping, challenges you're having, a sense of shared togetherness.

I'll post tips and suggestions from time to time and am happy to answer any questions you have about enjoying the festive season while developing a more healthy relationship with alcohol.

I did it!!! Didn’t really miss out on anything drinking my gin-less tonics last night, and saved a whole world of taxi hassle by driving.
Swim complete. God it was cold, but exhilarating- warming up in the bath before an afternoon nap 😴

So good! Now before you forget @Findyourneutralspace write down all the things about last night that you did which helped you to achieve your goal. This will prevent your brain suggesting it was a 'fluke' (sneaky things, brains!)

I think the number one thing I did was have something good lined up for the morning. My friends aren’t trouble anyway, but it made me feel better to walk in with soft drinks and my car keys and say I’m swimming in the morning.
It felt like a positive reason to break the usual routine and was a bit of a conversation starter in itself - sometimes booze is an ice breaker, isn’t it?
I also joined in with the silly games, and it turns out it’s the games that are fun, not the booze.
And because I decided early doors I wasn’t drinking, for good reason, that whole argument was out of my head. I do the same with the gym, so I workout early in the day. That way I’m only arguing with myself for 10 minutes before I get out of bed, rather than all day till teatime.

Oh, and how could I forget…. I listened to an affirming podcast before I went out!!

"turns out it’s the games that are fun, not the booze" - love it!

This describes exactly what I'm going to do now.

I had a good stretch of sobriety after reading Alan Carr's book, which I love. Then various stressful things happened over the course of a few months and the stress felt so relentless, then I impulsively bought beer.

I wonder if I focus on finding ways to manage stress as you have described, I might not reach that point where I make rash decisions like drinking.

Should have said - I am 3 days sober having recently thrown away 50+ days!

@HardToKnowWhatToDo First off, really well done on the 50 days!!!!!!!! That's an achievement! Go, you!

Second, I'm curious why you are now back to 3 days? If that works for you, then no problem, but I would be far more interested in the process (how you go about your days managing and achieving the non-drinking) than the result itself (not drinking any alcohol). I find that too often counting days means using willpower and that just doesn't work over the long term because it's exhausting.

Also counting days requires us to do it perfectly. But my clients make the biggest leaps forward off the back of 'fails' (when things don't go to plan and when we determine why what happened, happened).

Go back to what was happening when you bought the beer. Go back to the stress and get curious. What about that stress was so overwhelming that you reached for beer to cope? If you could do it again, what would you do?

Being able to give ourselves what we need - whether that's peace, calm, a quiet word with ourselves, a walk, and so on - on an ongoing basis avoids that we bottle up the stress/anxiety etc then just blow our tops by having a drink. (This is why so many people drink at the end of the day just to let off steam.)

@brightspice It was under quite pre

@brightspice it was under quite predictable circumstances that I relapsed. Several members of my family were unwell so I had been caring for others round the clock then also working through weekends to keep up. As typically happens with me, I functioned well through the crisis, but once everyone was better and I have a day off, the stress caught up with me. So when my husband bought a beer I think I was basically a bit dysregulated when I decided to have one, too. Plus the fact that after 50 days or so I had forgotten the full hell of the hangover! I also think my lizard brain couldn't cope with the change of pace of me finally having a day off.

I didn't actually use will power to quit that time or particularly count days. I just know the days I had because I set a day counter on a Reddit forum. I had listened to Alan Carr's book and it really make me not want to drink for most of those 50 days.

I wish I had taken time to manage stress and regroup before it led me to drinking again.

Might have another read of the book.

Don’t think of it as having thrown those days away. They are still days you weren’t poisoning your body and you were better not drinking those days than if you have been. Think about what it was that led you to drink and learn from it

@HardToKnowWhatToDo I know what you mean - we tend to plough on through, putting everyone first, then we feel so stressed that a drink is the quick solution to decompressing. (I remember one day emailing my husband for the office with the request that he have a G&T ready for me when I stepped through our front door as I'd had such a horrible day!)

The way I teach to avert this is to give ourselves micro doses of relaxation/me-time, whatever the circumstances (eg I find that gazing at the clouds in the sky for a couple of minutes with my fingers loosely intertwined is all it takes if I have a heavy day).

You did 50+ days before, know you can do it (and more) again.

Any tips for moving on after a slip up. I had the Friday trigger last night and I think after 8 days I’d forgotten how much I want to not drink. I’ve struggled with sleep all week, been mad busy with work then a few family things and I found myself home alone, listening to music and getting merrily pissed till the small hours.
I was enjoying myself but I’ve written today off and am kicking myself. I’ll manage another good run but I don’t want the same to happen next Friday

@brightspice - can you tell me where I would find your podcast. I saw you post about having one but I can’t find the thread it was on. Thanks

@2023forme I found it! It’s 90 Days Later - I found it on Apple podcasts

@Findyourneutralspace regarding what to do after a slip up, the main thing is to find out WHY it happened. In as much forensic detail as you can: what happened, where were you, how were you feeling?, was it a surprise or could you kind of see it going to happen?

Then ask what you could do differently next time. Be SPECIFIC. Don't make this some big thing. Answering the question: what would serve me in that situation?

Finally stop kicking yourself ..... I realise you may have meant that in a jokey tone but really just being there for yourself is so, so, so, so, so important. "So I screwed up, so what. I'm human. I'm going to learn from this and I'm going to give it another go. I back myself to figure this out."

A fun exercise I have my clients do into make a list of all the difficult things they've achieved, all the challenges they've overcome that once seem impossible and are now old news.

Make sense?

@Findyourneutralspace apologies if this posts twice ... computer acting up. Great you found the podcast. Feel free to speak up if there are any specific topics you'd like me to cover on future episodes. Very happy to do this. It's all about getting as much info out to as many people as possible.