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Tomorrow is my ground zero.
26

spacepoppers · 16/08/2020 21:01

I am done. Literally done. Since lockdown I have been drinking a bottle of wine a day, sometimes more (and if I'm honest way before lockdown). I have had the last dregs of the wine in the fridge, bought both Annie Grace books and I'm ready to take back some control of my life. I am sick of feeling sluggish, anxious, depressed and low on energy. I have lied to myself for so long that the reasons for this lie elsewhere.
I have told my DH, who doesn't think I have a problem but promises to be supportive. He is an enabler in lots of ways, will buy me a bottle (or six if there's a special offer on!!!) if I have had a good day/bad day/celebration etc.
So I have put any 'leftover' bottles away outside of the house where they are not in plain sight. I don't know why I'm writing this, perhaps just as a way of accountability? I know I can do this, and I will do this. I need to feel energised again and sleep through the night. I have written a list of 'reasons why I drink' and 'reasons why I want to stop', the latter being reassuringly longer.....although 'because it makes me feel numb' features on both.

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Tomorrowisanewday · 16/08/2020 21:58

I'm sitting here with a glass of red, and it's the end of my drinking every day. I never have more than half a bottle of wine in a day, but I've decided that has to stop. To be honest, I thought it was boredom because I live on my own, but your phrase "because it makes me feel numb" really struck a nerve. I'd already decided I need to do some work on myself, and I have no intention of becoming tee total, just not what I have been drinking. Maybe we can support each other?

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Bakeachocolatecaketoday · 16/08/2020 22:11

Have a think about coping mechanisms..... are you going to do something instead, knit, do puzzles, colour. Some go to AA meetings....

DH has just gone through this and he goes to bed early and has tea to drink, although the downside is he's sat downstairs now wanting a beer.

Don't think of this as an all or nothing - its a process to stop you drinking... you may need to do some different things to help you stop - you may have to get professional help, you may be able to do this alone.

Good luck OP.

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BigKnickers87 · 17/08/2020 07:16

Best of luck. I’m 12 weeks in now and I found the first few weeks hard. I really craved the alcohol a lot but after reading Annie Gray, I realised it was a physical thing so I knew I just had to keep going to lose those cravings. Then came the mental cravings but again once you’ve done all your reading it becomes easier to see that a drink actually won’t remotely help with a shit day! My best advice is find something that helps you to relax instead of a drink and have some good AF drinks. I’m on the Belvoir elderflower presse and it really helps on a warm day! Good luck Smile

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spacepoppers · 17/08/2020 18:08

Thanks for the replies. I'm going to try going to bed a bit earlier and doing more reading, starting with Annie Grace!
@Tomorrowisanewday good for you! Yes I'm totally up for supporting each other. I'm hoping that this journey will give me a new and healthier relationship with alcohol, but in the short term I just need to take a step back and reevaluate, plus give my poor liver a much needed break.
@BigKnickers87 well done, 12 weeks is awesome, do you feel a lot better in yourself or not too different?

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theemmadilemma · 17/08/2020 18:12

Wanting to feel better I think is one of the better reasons to stop. I was very ill before I got help to stop. But how good I felt afterwards is how I've stayed stop for 11 months.

I can assure you there is not one single thing a drink can make better. But it can take away a whole lot.

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Ynwa1234 · 18/08/2020 06:28

Hi everyone I'm on day 3 here. Hope you are all well. I too keep stopping and starting thinking ill be OK with a beer not wine etc etc and it's a slippery slope. Hope you try a 30 day first have also downloaded naked mind which I'm slowly getting through. Have had recommendations for Mrs d goes without too x

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Seeleyboo · 18/08/2020 06:40

May I join..a bottle of wine a night here too. Maybe more some nights. Then I eat rubbish. Hugely overweight. Today is my day 1. Good luck all.

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SimplySteveRedux · 18/08/2020 06:47

your phrase "because it makes me feel numb" really struck a nerve

Me too, although my issue is drugs, not drink.

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TheoriginalLEM · 18/08/2020 06:56

I need to do this too. Half a bottle every night, maybe some beer ir cider. Often Gin. Iam also anti-anxiety meds - its not good to wash it down with booze!

I like the belvoir cordials too, my favourite is ginger and lemon grass.

Can i join? Day one for me here - there's beer i the fridge 😱

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BigKnickers87 · 18/08/2020 12:39

@spacepoppers thank you! I feel soooo much better! I’m slimmer, sleep better and I don’t have any where as much anxiety as I did when I was drinking! It’s been game changing for me 100%!!!

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Northernsoullover · 18/08/2020 13:02

I'm just over a year sans booze and while I never wanted to stop completely I have actually found it easier to not drink at all. It was hard in the beginning buy very quickly it gets hell of a lot easier. First 3 days? Really hard. First weekend without booze. Also hard. After that its odd evenings and occasions where I might have wished I was drinking which I got through.
Now, after all this time I rarely think about it other than to offer support in some of the Facebook groups I'm in or on threads like this.
I can't tell you how wonderful it is to be free of that crap that kept me living a half life for so many years.
I have always given myself permission to drink though. I told myself it was never off the table. Knowing that I'm choosing not to drink because life is better without it keeps me on the straight and narrow.

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BigKnickers87 · 18/08/2020 14:30

@Northernsoullover absolutely love that 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

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spacepoppers · 18/08/2020 18:03

That's a great post @Northernsoullover, I think that's my way forward for me too - to give myself permission to have a drink in the future (at present I'm aiming for 30 days), I'm hopeful that the benefits I'll feel come that day that I've achieved it, will be enough to keep me on the straight and narrow too.
You can definitely join @TheoriginalLEM, I reckon the more the merrier! I started on half a bottle and it just somehow evolved into a bottle a night - although I did that thing where I finished the half bottle from yesterday and then started a new bottle and drank half that - to avoid opening and finishing a new bottle in one night haha. I need to get myself some Belvoir, the herbal teas are just not cutting it for me!
I just watched a TED talk by the Sober Mummy, and it was very inspirational. Your comment about alcohol taking a way a lot really struck a chord for me @theemmadilemma, you've done amazingly well to come back from a dark place and make it to 11 months.
Well done on day 3 @Ynwa1234, you're one in front of me! I've bought the naked mind and the 30 day experiment, hoping to start one tonight.
Last nights sleep was really bad. Come to think of it my sleep is always really bad, but I did come to rely on the alcohol for getting to sleep, so now I'm going to go back to reading in the hope it will help me drift off.
@SimplySteveRedux I often think that the psychology between drink and drugs is really very similar. Alcohol is a drug after all, so I guess it's just a different weapon of choice, with the same or similar outcome.

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TheoriginalLEM · 18/08/2020 19:04

Has anyone tried the seedlip stuff? Meant to be like gin? Ive had mixed reviews.

Ive failed already and had a beer, not great but im off work and its in the fridge. Couple more bottles in there which I'll encourage DP to have and a bottle of my favourite beer which ill drink.

Will not buy any more though.

I am definitely not going tee total that is akin to putting oneself on a diet, all you can think of is food.

Jesus - maybe i need to do this more than i realise😱😱

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SimplySteveRedux · 18/08/2020 20:23

SimplySteveRedux I often think that the psychology between drink and drugs is really very similar. Alcohol is a drug after all, so I guess it's just a different weapon of choice, with the same or similar outcome.

Hmm, never thought of it that way before.

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BigKnickers87 · 19/08/2020 07:59

@TheoriginalLEM I’ve found the total opposite of going teetotal being like a diet. Yeah it’s hard at the start when your body is craving a drug, but once you come off it and have a period without the drug, you don’t crave it any more! I never really thought I’d alcohol as a drug before reading all the quit lit but it totally is!! Good luck Smile

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BigKnickers87 · 19/08/2020 07:59

*thought of alcohol

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Prettybubblesintheair · 19/08/2020 08:01

Well done op. Try to have sweet things around as alcohol contains a lot of sugar which your body will crave. Also have “nice” non alcoholic drinks, I like elderflower cordial with tonic or lime and soda.

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Ynwa1234 · 19/08/2020 08:06

Hi @TheoriginalLEM don't kick yourself for having a beer I did the same last week. Thought its a bud light so that'll be fine lol but then it was a few more then had an argument with my DH and it was the wine and etc etc.
I have tried moderating before and it's never worked for me but yes seedlip when I gave up alcohol the first time I got to 10 mknths and was on seedlip a lot all the different varieties but nowadays I'm not keen but have you tried St Peters without its AF ale and tastes OK. Bavaria 0% too. I'm on day 4 now.

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Mintjulia · 19/08/2020 08:07

Op, what are you going to spend the money you save on? £6 a day on wine is £ 2160 a year.

Or if you can stay off the bottle until Xmas, that’s £780. Something fabulous to celebrate?

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spacepoppers · 19/08/2020 18:27

I spat my tea out when I read that @Mintjulia! I think the financial benefits are so far down on my list of priorities that I hadn't actually considered that, wowsers.
Thanks @Prettybubblesintheair, I have a mega headache today which I put down to detoxing and crap sleep, but you're probably right - it's probably the sugar more than anything else, will invest in some cordials.

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spacepoppers · 21/08/2020 22:54

Day five done and dusted here. I'd like to say I feel happy and proud, but I underestimated how hard a Friday night would be, and without any of the health benefits putting in an appearance yet I just feel tired and irritable. Ah well, on the plus side I won't wake up with a hangover, so that's a bonus.

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Tomorrowisanewday · 22/08/2020 10:12

I had no alcohol Monday to Thursday, then had half a bottle of wine last night with dinner, and will have the other half tonight. I think I'm happy with that, I just cant be doing it every day. Not feeling the benefits yet, but I had a very stressful week at work and am exhausted from that

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Hangingover · 22/08/2020 10:17

OP get yourself a b vitamin complex and omega threes (not fish oil) - daily drinkers are often deficient and it'll help you feel less crap. Push through the first two weeks and it'll get a lot better. I'm on week 12 and it's the best thing I've ever done. Good luck. Come into this thread too www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3965594-Forever-Free-a-life-without-booze-2020-onwards

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spacepoppers · 23/08/2020 21:49

Well done @Tomorrowisanewday, I think for me moderation is the problem, there's no way I'd be able to stop once I'd had half a bottle! Seems easier just to cut it out altogether for me, at least for now anyway.
Thank you @Hangingover, I've been out and got myself some vitamins, so hopefully I'll start feeling better in general fairly soon. Seven days for me today, 12 weeks is quite the achievement, well done. I'll check out the other thread too, there's so much support out there when you start looking!

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