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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Could I hear your adoption success stories?

31 replies

longtermfamilyplanning · 07/09/2009 15:50

DH and I are just starting the process of looking in to adopting a child. I feel really nervous on so many levels. Would really appreciate just learning about adopted children & families, how it happened, how you feel, how you bonded. Anything really!! You name it I want to hear about it. Thanks.

OP posts:
looseleaf · 16/09/2009 20:07

Oh I'd love this too! There must be some positive stories out there? We're still waiting to start the whole process as had been told to wait til dd is older but we're almost there. I can sense there are millions of pitfalls and challenges which I'm glad to know about, but we seem to rarely hear of anything more positive and this would be good to know too to get some more personal experiences if poss

Kewcumber · 17/09/2009 12:00

I adopted from overseas so perhaps not as relevant, but I didn't feel and instant bond with DS. HE's screamed non-stop for hours the first time we met and wouldn't make eye contact for weeks.

Fast forward three years and this morning he kissed my hand and I said "how nice, what was that for"...

"Because I lub you Mummy, even at weekends and on Sunday"!!

mummyBop · 17/09/2009 21:19

We adopted a family of three and they are fantastic. We've been really lucky, as despite their early lives, they are remarkably unscathed.

Saying that the first year was hard - harder than I could ever have imagined and I certainly wouldn't want to repeat it. I think I posted in here that it wasn't working out more than once - the shock of having three demanding children with tricky behaviours was huge and I did suffer from Post Adoption Depression for a while (which is very common is sibling adoptions).

We did take a slightly unusual route - we did respite fostering first (whilst we hoped for a biological child) and the went on to adopt one of the families we had been supporting. Saying that the move from weekends to full time was much bigger than I'd expected.

Three is also hard work as its tricky to find enough time for each of them - especially when there are underlying issues that we are still working on.

I am now enjoying being a mum and they are going from strength to strength. We feel like a real family now and they value that.

Hope that helps
MBop

mumwhereareyou · 17/09/2009 21:29

We adopted a family of three 4yrs ago, and have to agree with Mummybop the first year was very very hard, but wouldn't swop it for the world, and would love to adopt again but our middle child has a few issues which means it won't be happening.

Ours were 10mths, 21/4 and 41/2 when we got them, we are very open and we mention birth parents and they have photos of them in their bedrooms, it is something we don't hide away and try to answer their questions as truthfully as we can and so they undertand.

Go for it, it really is thebest thing we ever did, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

looseleaf · 20/09/2009 18:03

I'm so glad to hear your experiences and feel quite humbled by them, not being able to understand how hard the adjustment is.
Kewcumber that is such a lovely thing your ds said! I think it might have been you who first told me about concurrent adoption (thank you!) and we're considering overseas adoption too.

GlendaTheGrizzlyPiggy · 10/12/2009 00:57

I just thought I'd tell you about my positive experience of being adopted.

My parents adopted me when I was 2 months old. I feel like I am very lucky to have such amazing parents who gave me a wonderful childhood.

Adoption is a brilliant thing

neverjamtoday · 12/12/2009 01:48

I adopted two children - three and half and six and a half - who were supposed to be 'difficult to place' - and was asked by their social worker why I wanted 'older children' - hadn't occurred to me before then - I just wanted kids! They are the most gorgeous, beautiful (anyone who has come across my other posts on this subject will have heard me witter on about how handsome my son is - but he IS!!!), loving, active, infuriating, 'normal' kids!

I was thinking about this today - a lot of people, when they find out the children are adopted (it's private but not a secret), say that they would never have 'guessed' - and this was from quite early on really. But I suspect that is the case for so many families - we often only see/hear about the disasters so the hundreds and thousands of success stories go unnoticed because no one has 'guessed'.

My attitude has always been that they are utterly mine and we will do it our way thankyou very much - and so far that seems to have worked! We do talk about the adoption but it is in a very matter of fact way and we certainly don't dwell on it. We became a family in a particular way and we don't spend any time worrying about it! Too busy doing other things!

Glenda - that is possibly the loveliest post I have ever seen (obviously because it resonates with me!). Can't find a smiley that shows me getting all emotional but I'll settle for because you have made me so happy (in quite a teary way I have to say). Thank you - I agree - adoption IS a brilliant thing!

MummyDragon · 12/12/2009 12:10

Like Glenda, I was adopted by 2 wonderful parents. Am happy to chat about it one-to-one if it helps you with your decision-making.

MrsSantaChemist · 13/12/2009 23:21

Myself and my brother were both adopted and it will always probably be one of the best things that ever happened to me.
I couldn't ask for more loving or devoted parents.

shivster1980 · 02/01/2010 22:03

Our LO was placed at 17 months he is 3 now and a delight and a joy to us. I don't like to share details on public forums but it is difficult to express in words how much I love my little boy. Best of luck!

ktbeau · 05/01/2010 20:23

Hi longtermfamilyplanning

Our adopted DD1 (now 3.7) came to us in sept 2009 (at 2.4). It has been hard in some ways, being thrown in at the deep end. A two yr old doesn't stay where you put them or sleep very much compared to a newborn and it has been hard work.
It is amazing how quickly you adjust tho. Her little sis (our DD2, aged 1.9) joined us 6 weeks ago (now that really has been hard work but so, so, so worth it, when I hear them giggling together it melts my heart)
It was fantastic having adoption leave with her (and now DD2) at that age, as she was (and still is) so much fun! Some of my friends TBH found their newborns (quote) "a bit boring" and found it frustrating having to go back to work (quote) "just as they get interesting"! So I feel very lucky. We went through years of awful awful disappointing frustrating depressing unexplained infertility. When DD came home I realised I would have willingly chosen to go through it all again if I had known she was the little pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (although if I had known she was in our future it wouldn't have been so awful, but, y'know what I mean)
Adoption is not as straight forward as having birth children appears to be (note my use of "appears" I don't know as haven't done it - but I do know lots of families who have done both). It can be very emotionally draining, there can be prejudice etc but it is brilliant.

Sorry to go on.

Wishing you lots of luck on your journey x

shockers · 05/01/2010 20:47

glenda,mummydragon & mrssantachemist, thank you... I love my 2 adpoted children so much and hope that they will know that it's unconditional even when they get to stroppy teenhood (just thinking back!) and beyond.I'll bet your families are really proud and thankful for you [huge]

I've said it before but adoption was the best thing we ever did. It sometimes throws up different obstacles but as long as you don't go into it blind, have support in place, you will find a way.

Goodenoughmam · 31/12/2014 22:25

I've never posted before but I know how much I wanted to hear success stories when I was going through process and I've got one! After years of failed ivf and losing a pregnancy we adopted two beautiful girls aged 1 and 2. 5 yrs ago this month and they have changed our lives. I can't tell you how happy they make me. It was not easy they came from a background of neglect and had issues of attachment but we worked hard at it and we talk about it all the time with them. They are clever beautiful funny little girls who love us totally and completely. I wish you luck and strength but you are doing the right thing. Trust the social workers who were amazing for us especially at matching families. Two of my best friends also adopted and had a happy ending so it does work. Hard to sum it up in a quick post except to say I'm a mammy and I never ever thought I would say that Wishing you the same xx

Goodenoughmam · 31/12/2014 22:26

Just realised this was years ago this was posted!! Ha ha hope you had a happy ending. Perhaps someone we will see this and get some comfort in a long and difficult journey xx

odyssey2001 · 01/01/2015 08:56

We adopted our angel 13 months ago and every day I feel blessed to have such a gorgeous family. However, the first 8 months were near hell on earth at times. Our story is definitely a success (for now) but it was though determination and perseverance alone that we survived as a family and made it this far. Good luck to all in 2015.

Kewcumber · 01/01/2015 12:38

Ha ha ! Thanks you for bumping Goodenough - I had totally forgotten that DS ever said that!

Bessborogirl1 · 31/12/2015 11:48

wordpress.com/post/bessboroughchildwordpresscom.wordpress.com/2

an adoption story x

OliviaBensonsEyebrow · 15/03/2021 21:33

We are about to start looking into adoption. These stories are lovely.

lemons44 · 31/12/2024 22:01

I know this is an old thread but feeling so low this evening knowing our fertility treatment will likely end soon and feeling so scared about our next step of adoption. These stories have given me so much hope that I can still be a mum one day. I just want a child to love with all my heart. Thank you everyone for your posts.

Lemoande14 · 13/01/2025 10:12

We adapted two siblings around 2.5 years ago, two girls 1.5 and 2.5 now 5 and almost 4, both thriving happy little girls, first 6 months were a blur, but things have settled down now, still get age appropriate tantrums etc and the odd terrifying trauma related breakdown by the oldest, but we know what calms her.

Obviously still a long way to go with their stories but very positive experiences so far

Cravehappiness · 19/01/2025 21:14

Can’t believe there’s some new posts here after some old ones so glad I feel the same. Had ivf and baby loss and feel so beyond down. Considering adoption as I do want to parent and want to give loving home to a child or siblings xx

Cravehappiness · 19/01/2025 21:16

Yes I feel that and I also want to still be a mom one day whichever way it comes I just want to have a life with a lovely child and be part of a unit …

Ted27 · 19/01/2025 22:36

@Cravehappiness

I'm very sorry for your losses and struggles.
We all start off just wanting to be mums and dads and have our visions and dreams of what that might look like.

The reality can often be very different.
I do indeed have a very lovely son. He's the light of my life and I'm very proud of him. But it hasn't been an easy path, and he has been a lot easier than many of my friends kids.
For most of us it's worth it. But please do lots of research and go in with your eyes open.
Good luck, I hope you can achieve your dream

Cravehappiness · 19/01/2025 23:57

Thanks Ted that’s really thoughtful reply I appreciate it. Iam hurting a lot with no kids after the loss three months ago. The hurt makes me realise I just want to parent and I want a child to live ode with us. May I ask how old your lovely child was when you adopted him ? I know it’s tough from what I’ve researched but I’ve gone through so much pain with my husband that we feel if a child was to share our lives we would deal with their pain with some ease as it means more to have a child with us than not have one at all. Hope that makes sense

Ted27 · 20/01/2025 00:46

@Cravehappiness

Yes it does make sense. I was a lot older when it happened for me, but I couldn't imagine not being a mum.
My 'boy' was old by adoption standards . He was nearly 8. He will be 21 this year, he's in his second year at university, has lots of friends, a job. He is building the life he wants.
I always knew I would adopt an older child but in my head I was probably thinking 5, maybe 6. But he was perfect for me and me for him.
My advice to you is be kind to each other, give yourselves time to heal. And then be open to the children who need families when you are looking.
Be honest about your capabilities but don't be afraid. Really do that research. I thought I could never adopt a child with ASD - guess what ? He has ASD. So look at the child, not just the diagnosis.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't missed so much of his childhood, that I'd had a few more years when he believed in Father Christmas and the tooth fairy. Its been intense at times as there is just the two of us But we were right for each other and we have built a great life and have had many adventures together.
As hard as its been a times, and I'm 3 stone heavier and a lot greyer, I don't regret a minute of it.

I try not to be so gushy with him, he's not very modest at the best of times 😆