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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Support for birth mothers following adoption

34 replies

caspertheghost · 27/05/2023 07:33

Hi all. Sorry if this is the wrong place but I was hoping someone could help me. A family member has recently had her baby placed in a closed adoption and is struggling to cope mentally with the aftermath. Are there any online support groups that anyone is aware of that birth mothers can access to talk to those in a similar situation please?

Thanks

OP posts:
Hels20 · 28/05/2023 16:46

There are some amazing birth mothers who have seen their children adopted. Hopefully they will come along. Our Miracle is one such lady - but I can’t remember her tag name.

Original poster
caspertheghost · 30/05/2023 07:28

Thank you, hopefully they will see my post.

OP posts:
Hels20 · 30/05/2023 08:15

@ourmiracle1106 - not sure how you are doing or how you are. I really hope you are ok. If you can help this mumsnetter - I am sure she would appreciate it but it maybe that things have moved on for you. Wishing you well.

OurChristmasMiracle · 30/05/2023 11:27

Hello @caspertheghost I am a birth mother and there is some support out there but it is difficult to access. First of all the local authority has also a duty of care to birth mums and should be offering post adoption counselling but this does need to be asked for and is not offered unless you specifically ask. There is also PACuk who do run support groups and also will be able to provide some counselling depending on whether the local authority provides funding.

I am happy to answer any more question so please do feel free to tag me and I will get back to you

@Hels20 i am well thank you. Life has moved on from my 1st son. I was blessed with a second son at the beginning of the year, almost 10 years on from the adoption (has it really been that long?) and I am currently in a mother and baby unit and will be moving to a foster placement once on has been found close to home. I am hopeful that my youngest will remain with me with support. I hope you are well too

Hels20 · 30/05/2023 11:38

Thank you @OurChristmasMiracle - that is wonderful news and I sincerely hope that you are able to keep your second child.

I am well - my eldest is almost a teenager and unfortunately finds it hard to talk about his adoption but my youngest who is 8, talks a lot about his birth family and he knows when he is 18 - if he still wants us to - we will help him find them but only if he has counselling and is ready for it. Both children have lots of challenges but we are so proud of both boys. Our eldest - after not being able to go to school full time for 2 years - made the transition to a mainstream secondary school - And with support has done really well.

all good wishes to you Christmas Miracle.

Original poster
caspertheghost · 30/05/2023 16:49

Thank you so much, I’ll pass this info on. As far as I know she hasn’t had any proper counselling, she’d certainly benefit for it as she seems to really need it right now.

OP posts:
Sweetsunshine2803 · 12/10/2023 15:40

I hope someone is still here. My daughter is living with her adopters right now and I’m really struggling. I miss her so much. I just want to hold her again

Catleveltired · 12/10/2023 16:56

@OurChristmasMiracle I've just seen this. I'm a recurrent name changer, but I feel so fond of you through your brave, considered posts. Congratulations on your new arrival! I really hope it's working out for you, you've been through so much. x

BrontëParsonage · 12/10/2023 19:59

Sweetsunshine2803 · 12/10/2023 15:40

I hope someone is still here. My daughter is living with her adopters right now and I’m really struggling. I miss her so much. I just want to hold her again

@Sweetsunshine2803 yes, I’m here! I’m sorry that you’re struggling so much. Do you have any real life support? Sending you my warmest wishes.

Catleveltired · 12/10/2023 20:24

@Sweetsunshine2803 sorry, in my excitement at Miracle's second miracle, I didn't see your post.

I'm sorry things are hard for you. It's such a huge loss. Can you get any support from the local authority?

OurChristmasMiracle · 12/10/2023 21:24

@Sweetsunshine2803 i am a birth mum and I completely understand how soul destroying and gut wrenching it is, I know it’s a pain that is like no other. If you want to talk please PM me

@Catleveltired thank you. Both me and my youngest are doing well. We still have a lot of work to do but I am hopeful I’ll be able to keep him in my care

Sweetsunshine2803 · 13/10/2023 08:53

I wish I could have support. I tried appealing but they made me out to seem crazy but I’m not. I’m mourning the love of my life. I miss her constantly. She was my all.

Sweetsunshine2803 · 13/10/2023 08:54

@OurChristmasMiracle im not sure how to pm but I would really love to. I’m new to this site and not sure how to use it

Catleveltired · 13/10/2023 08:56

Of course you're grieving, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'm so sorry you're not getting the support you need. You deserve support here. Could you speak to your GP?

Sweetsunshine2803 · 13/10/2023 09:05

@Catleveltired i remember the last time I saw her and felt so happy but when it was time to say goodbye I almost broke. I want to grieve but I can’t because the day before the appeal I found out I’m pregnant and it both gave me something to live for and broke my heart

OurChristmasMiracle · 13/10/2023 09:58

@Sweetsunshine2803 At the top of the page there is a profile icon click on it the down arrow and it will come up.

Italiangreyhound · 15/10/2023 00:12

@OurChristmasMiracle congratulations I am so very pleased for you. Xxxx.

@caspertheghost I hope you get some help for your friend.

onlytherain · 17/10/2023 23:55

This book might be helpful: Supporting Birth Parents Whose Children Have Been Adopted by Joanne Alper https://amzn.eu/d/54pWuZj

Mentalpain · 25/10/2023 20:22

Hiya .. I have two had social services take over … she is now adopted from a baby … I have been trying to get support …. I wm struggling to with ny mental health really bad … I’ve missed all my little ones milestones the only pics I’ve got with her is when she was in hospital … up to a couple of weeks old and then she was with my partners sister until 4/5 month n now she’s adopted I get no pictures no contact 1 letter a year … no one can ever know . Unless they’re going through it … tell your sister I would love to maybe support eachother … and to send me a pm …. Xx

Mentalpain · 25/10/2023 20:40

Thankyou I will have a look is their any online groups x

BrontëParsonage · 26/10/2023 07:49

@Mentalpain I’m so sorry to read that you are struggling - and very understandably so. Can I suggest that you check out the website of the Family Rights Group as they offer support and guidance to birth parents and they also have a forum for people whose children have been adopted? Sending you the warmest of wishes.

Mentalpain · 22/12/2023 03:18

Thankyou what’s the sites xxxz

mumof2many1943 · 22/12/2023 14:03

I find it difficult to comprehend why mothers are denied access, our youngest (our eighth) parents were given visiting rights 3 times a year. It went well and now we are good friends. The other 7 parents were not interested?? but with A’s parents it’s great and taught me a lot.

Catleveltired · 22/12/2023 20:13

@mumof2many1943 many reasons, I'd guess. Many of the reasons leading to removal would rule out safe contact, or mean they were unable to commit to regular contact. Grief can stop people being able to maintain contact. Many reasons. Usually all about the birth parent, not at all about how much they love their child.

Italiangreyhound · 23/12/2023 00:05

@Sweetsunshine2803 and @Mentalpain I am so sorry, I missed your posts.

It must be very hard and I hope you will get some support in real life.

We are adopters, DH and I, and we do send photos and write but have not heard back for yeas.

I just wish you all the best for the future. I hope, very much, our son will meet his birth family again one day, and I hope you will see your little ones again day too. Please do get any support you can, and build yourself back up. XXXX