Support for birth mothers following adoption

[caspertheghost]

Hi all. Sorry if this is the wrong place but I was hoping someone could help me. A family member has recently had her baby placed in a closed adoption and is struggling to cope mentally with the aftermath. Are there any online support groups that anyone is aware of that birth mothers can access to talk to those in a similar situation please?

Thanks

Hello I’m two in the same position as a birth mother …. If I only knew that day I wouldn’t be able to see her again … I would offf squeezed her so hard …. I’m really struggling mentally am mourning if you can get that …. Do you get what i mean …. Hopefully we can find some support xx

@Mentalpain I’m sending you my warmest wishes and bucket loads of sympathy and empathy: this time of year must be especially difficult for you. It seems that the Family Rights Group helpline is now closed until January 4th but they have posted a page of links to other support services here:

https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/christmas-2023-new-year-2024/

Also, I believe that PAC-UK supports parents who have had to give up their children so I will go away now and see what information I can find and then post it back here. I sincerely hope that you have some support in real life.

@Mentalpain here is the link to the PAC-UK services for birth families:

https://www.pac-uk.org/our-services/birth-parents/

I came on to reccomend PACuk. I'm also a birth mum and had some counselling through their service last year. If your loved one lives in London and does approach the service here, I can't reccomend Bethany enough. She is absolutely wonderful and helped me so much.

My previous LA where my birth son was adopted was terrible and offered no post adoption support or signposting so I only found out about PAC when I went looking, almost a decade later, but there is support out there.

They have meet ups where you can meet with other birth parents, art classes, 1-1 counselling and all sorts. They supported one group of birth mothers to go to parliament to lobby change recently.

As an aside I just want to say a massive congratulations to you @OurChristmasMiracle I'm so moved to read that you have now been blessed with another baby and that you're being given a second chance. You probably won't remember me as I NC often but you and I have spoken on the boards over the years and I've always admired your strength. I hope, beyond hope, that things go well for the pair of you.

I'm a full time parent to my three youngest now and have no social services involvement.

You've got this ❤️

@Hannah94xs thank you. It’s been a long journey and there is so much more yet to come but me and my youngest are now home with dad. I’m finally getting somewhere towards getting the therapy I’ve needed. I also reached out to pac this year and did some counselling to try to resolve the conflict of emotions between the care my eldest received and my youngest gets now

I hope you and your 3 are all doing well and you are also getting support.

I’ve started to read a book my counsellor recommended called a mother apart and it’s also been helpful.

I wish your family all the best ❤️
it’s birth mums like you who have given me hope that I would one day be the mum my eldest deserved but didn’t get and the mum my youngest deserves and has ❤️

@OurChristmasMiracle How wonderful it is to hear that you're already home, well done to you! IME the hardest part is now behind you. I remember the weeks leading up to giving birth to DS2 were spent worrying about whether or not he'd be coming home. I got a call from the social worker two days before I went into labour to tell me there were no concerns and he will be coming home with me. I think he was waiting for the green light 😁

If I recall correctly you live in London too? My inbox is always open if you wanted to chat, grab coffee or need any advice/support. My youngest has just turned 2 so whilst a bit older than your little one, not too big a difference.

I'll definitely look into the book your counsellor reccomended.

All the best for the new year you absolute warrior. Never lose sight of how far you have come and all that you have achieved. A true inspiration to birth mothers 🙂

What a lovely post @Hannah94xs . And so
pleased for you @OurChristmasMiracle .

Thankyou so much 💋💋

I just saw this thread. I suffered a severe postpartum illness and very rough pregnancy with a surprise baby at 40. I was told I could not get pregnant. My husband and I placed our daughter for adoption before I was officially diagnosed with a postpartum illness and we thought at the time it was best. I am still struggling with what happened and totally understand the grief process. Anyone in a similar situation is more than welcome to reach out to me directly.