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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

"You're very lucky cos everyone's accepted her."

39 replies

JustHappy3 · 27/10/2016 08:56

Gnash, gnash of teeth!!
Thank you older female relative for your munificence. I see it's obviously not occured to you that had you "not accepted" her you wouldn't have seen any of us again. But smile and wave, smile and wave.

We haven't had a daft-shit-that-people-say thread for a while. Anyone got any recent corkers? Or old ones that still rankle.

OP posts:
CrazyCatLaydee123 · 27/10/2016 10:03

Upon telling him of match, and asking what grandparent name he'd like, my dad responded with the following:
"I think you're mental, I really do. Parenting is hard and you just don't have the skills for it"

Not spoken since!

flapjackfairy · 27/10/2016 10:28

Oh crazy cat that is truly awful!
Justhappy ignore ignore ignore!
It is mad that people think because you are growing your family through adoption that they have the right to say whatever they want!
They wouldnt dream of saying such things to a birth parent?!

Original poster
JustHappy3 · 27/10/2016 11:39

Oh CrazyCat that's so sad.

OP posts:
CrazyCatLaydee123 · 27/10/2016 12:50

I think he was off his meds that day! I know not to leave the kids alone with him... ever!

Thefishewife · 27/10/2016 12:51

I was at a candle party someone asked me

So you gonna have yur own kids now can't really be like having your own you must feel Diffrenty towards ds yeah you love all of them but it's not quite the same 😳😕

I have one birth ds and teo adopted dds

Thefishewife · 27/10/2016 12:56

poster CrazyCatLaydee123 Thu 27-Oct-16 10:03:26

😨😨😨😨

After trying to Sabotage our refances we haven heard from my sister since my ds is 3.5 and she was one when she came it's all very sad

Allington · 27/10/2016 13:20

"I think you're very brave. Good luck" And avoided the subject for the best part of a year (one of my parents).

Now a devoted grandparent, I'm happy (and a little surprised Grin - they have 'form') to say.

meandyouplustwo · 27/10/2016 15:46

"have you thought what this will do to your own child , it will blow her world apart "( 18 months on they are devoted to each other)

have you thought what you are bringing into the family , what if they are like their family ( what you mean grew up in care and couldnt parent , nope that wont happen)

i wont feel the same as if they were mine to be honest ( well my first isnt yours either ......shes mine and her dads.)

i also had a sister and mother who tried to sabotage references and nope havent spoken to them since .

luckylucky24 · 27/10/2016 16:45

MIL "Is she saying any words yet?"
DH "Not yet"
MIL "Well she should be by now"
DH "She is only young and we don't know yet if the alcohol in pregnancy will cause delays etc"
MIL "Oh so shes going to be backwards?"
DH "No"....Puts down phone.
This was the week of her first birthday!

Original poster
JustHappy3 · 27/10/2016 17:16

I am so mad on your behalfs - has surprised me how obvious it is that they are horrid comments. I thought i was over reacting at the weekend and was too taken aback to say anything at the time.

OP posts:
Chicklette · 27/10/2016 17:27

Random person at work that I barely know- "How are your kids? Any problems with them yet?"!!!
Me- "Eh, no. Any problems developed with your (birth) children yet??!!"

Chicklette · 27/10/2016 17:45

Although the best one was from an elderly relative who is also adopted so gets a small amount of clemency-
"Are you sure she is 2? She looks a lot older. You know, sometimes when you adopt a dog from a dog home they sometimes tell you they are younger than they are. Do you think that might have happened with your daughter?"?!!
Me- "Eh, no!!!"

Kr1stina · 27/10/2016 19:00

To prospective grandparents, straight after matching panel

" We're so happy, we've just been matched with a X year old girl called Y. Heres some photos "

They refused to look at them and demanded " so tell us all about her background then "

Us - " remember we discussed this, we are not allowed to tell you, it's confidential "

Them - " We can't relate to a photo, we need all the details or we will have nothing to do with her "

Us - Shock Shock

They then approached the adoption agency and were suprised to be told ( politely ) to take a hike.

Wolfiefan · 27/10/2016 19:03

Wow. I am not adopted and don't have adopted kids but these comments are hateful or stupid. (Or both)
Congratulations to all of you on your families. Adopted or not.
Flowers

MintyLizzy9 · 27/10/2016 21:16

Grrrr to all the arseholes and Flowers to you all.

My aunt (an R.C nun) stomps out of the room when my DS is mentioned and refuses to accept that she knows who he is/who they are talking about, you know what with the church saying we're all adopted children of Christ she's kind of shooting herself in the foot there the nasty cow!

Im not bitter, no not me.

comehomemax · 27/10/2016 21:25

Kr!stina They approached the agency for more info!!! Fucking hell!

Mine was the person who said "wow, you're adopting, that's brilliant. Did I ever tell you about my friends, cousins, neighbour who adopted a little boy then 15 years later he murdered them in their beds".

Kr1stina · 27/10/2016 21:57

I know , come home. They pretended that they wanted counselling /advice on how to be adoptive GPs and went in for a meeting. When they discovered that the SW wasn't willing to give them background information on the child, they got up and left. Said there was no point.

They were so stupid that they actually complained to me about how useless she was. Even when they were told " I can't give you the information you want [ because you are not entitled to it ] " , what they heard was " I don't HAVE the details you want [ because I'm no good at my job ]" .

Are you suprised to hear that we ended up going NC with them in the end ? Of course anyone with half a brain would have stopped contact there and then, but we struggled on for years trying to make it work by being " reasonable" and " understanding " .

2old2beamum · 27/10/2016 22:03

Rather sad, my darling stepmother said when our beautiful son died......well it is not like losing one of your own......BITCH!!AngrySad

flapjackfairy · 28/10/2016 09:26

2old that is truly shocking and has brought tears to my eyes!

Lovelylolz · 28/10/2016 11:06

Shock Shock Shock and social work drum it in how hard it can be to be an adoptive parent, my struggle will be not biting back at the stupid comments from others.

Flowers Wine to you all.

comehomemax · 28/10/2016 11:17

2old, that's horrendous. I'm so sorry - that's beyond words.

Original poster
JustHappy3 · 28/10/2016 11:41

2old - that's beyond belief

OP posts:
2old2beamum · 28/10/2016 18:52

I just hope I am a better mother than her.
Flowers to you lovely lot in the adoption world

flapjackfairy · 28/10/2016 19:11

Well from the very few posts of yours i have read you need have no fears on that score! You sound an amazing mum!
I have a bit of a case of hero worship actually as i realised you have adopted a bunch of children with additional needs. I am a fc with a ltfc with complex needs and i am just waiting for an ao for our 2yr old who also has complex needs so kids with disabilities is where my heart lies.
Oh how i would love to sit round the kitchen table with you and hear your stories!

2old2beamum · 28/10/2016 20:54

Thankyou flapjackfairy am feeling a bit low at present but things are about to improveSmile DS6 has just got continuing health care funding so that is one less worry.
Thankyou so much (and everyone else)for your support.
flapjack I have an enormous table and p.enty of chairs so you would be welcomeSmile
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