My feed

to access all these features

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


Insensitive comment rant

46 replies

Mama1980 · 27/06/2015 20:58

I know we have a lot of these thread, but this really upset me. Probably because I haven't slept in weeks and haven't had a break in 2 years.......

OP posts:
Devora · 27/06/2015 20:59

What happenned, Mama?

RaspberrySnowCone · 28/06/2015 13:51

Smile and nod...... Or tell them just to F off and leave you alone. It's horrible though, I get frustrated as I have a disabled brother, he has severe learning disabilities and often people will say insensitive things. I've got very good at point blank 'shut the F up' expressions. Hope you're ok, take deep breaths, the world is fully of insensitive idiots and you are not one of them so take some consolation in that!

Mama1980 · 28/06/2015 21:41

Apologies, I thought I had time to write and didn't but hit post too soon Blush
Have calmed down finally. I don't usually let it get to me but after a hellish few weeks and literally no sleep it was just one comment too many and I both yelled at a the Dr and then burst into tears which freaked out everyone
My dd2 has started having seizures sadly a well documented possibility for babies born addicted. She is ok doing better but is back in full on limpet mode and has been in hospital having every test known to man. A truly insensitive Dr decided to comment that it must be easier for me to see my daughter in a hospital bed howling for me when they need to run a horrible test than it is for REAL parents, you know when a baby is theirs. He then decided while I was too incredulous to form words to tell me that I was babying her and at her age she should be ok away from me for a few minutes and tried to move her away while she was screaming. Thankfully I regained powers of speech by then yelled at him and got him away. The poor nurse tried desperately to apologise for him.
I was so shaken he actually not only displayed a complete ignorance of attachment and the issues adopted children can have but he made it seem that he thought I was less of a parent for her not being mine by birth.
Needless to say I filed a formal complaint. It sounds kinda silly written down but it was such a horrible feeling on top of everything else that's been happening.
Thanks for letting me rant it helps to write it down sometimes. Thanks

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 28/06/2015 21:41

Thanks Devora and raspberry. Thanks

OP posts:
Lovemylittlebear · 28/06/2015 21:44

Oh gosh what a dick head that Dr is - hope your little ones health looks up soon xx

awombwithaview · 28/06/2015 21:48

That Dr is a prize doesn't look silly written down at all!

Flowers for you and well done for filing a complaint, that sort of behaviour needs flagging up.

IamTheWhoreofBabylon · 28/06/2015 21:51

What a knob. Ignorant Pratt
Some idiot once commented to me that they were surprised you could adopt pretty ones

iwishkidslikedtomatoes · 28/06/2015 21:51

I'm not a violent person but I'd have had to hold onto a table to refrain from feeling the need to punch him. That's the most insensitive thing I've heard from a Doctor ever. EVER.

Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks

MoseShrute · 28/06/2015 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamHoneyMarmite · 28/06/2015 22:09

I have heard a LOT of idiotic, hurtful, ignorant comments from doctors in my time, but (sadly for you) you win. If you haven't already filed your formal complaint, make sure you spell out very clearly what you want from the complaint investigation may have been an NHS complaints manager in a former life otherwise you will get the standard "We're sorry you felt that we failed to meet our usual high levels of care on this occasion" bollocks letter.

If it were me, I would want a)assurance this ignorance would not affect anyone in the future, and the only way to achieve this would be sending on suitable training, and b)a face to face grovelling apology somewhere nice and public, don't you think?

Sorry you had to go through that, and I hope your DD is feeling much better very soon.

Hels20 · 28/06/2015 22:18

My mouth is wide open....really? What a dick. Hope you get a sympathetic response and the doctor gets a stern talking to. And so sorry you have these health worries for your little DD.

Barbadosgirl · 28/06/2015 22:52

Twonk. Total and utter loser. Hope your little girl is ok x

Devora · 28/06/2015 23:17

No no no no no what an absolute tosser. Well done you on (a) not duffing him up, and (b) having the strength to put in a complaint. I'm regretting not having complained about the nurse when my dd was having minor surgery, a few months back, who made a huge deal about me and my dp both being the legal mother ("That's not possible!" , "Yes it is"). When I had to mention dd's birth mother (penicillin allergy) she squawked, "Oh my lord, a third mum! You're doing my head in! Is she about to turn up too?"

The way dd's head whipped round to the door when she said this, as though her birth mum was about to walk through, broke my heart.

How on earth do they get through medical training thinking that this stuff is ok?

WereJamming · 28/06/2015 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theselittlelightsaremine · 28/06/2015 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springtimemama · 28/06/2015 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound · 29/06/2015 00:08

Well done for complaining. I am sorry you had to hear that. Big hugs to you.

anxious123 · 29/06/2015 00:15

What the absolute hell?! Ignorant pig! What a ridiculously out of line below the flipping belt comment.

Real parent?! Piss off! Your the one bringing your AC up, that makes you a real parent in my book (and I'm a birth mum not an adopter!). Jeeeez.

You are absolutely right to be angry and it doesn't sound silly written down at all.

Well done on not slapping the stupid idiot!

SofiaAmes · 29/06/2015 00:19

Mama1980 so sorry you had to hear that...this has nothing to do with adoption, but since the doctor was so ill informed about patient care and sensitivity, I wonder whether he is ill informed about current medical research as well....
Has your dd been checked for Vitamin D deficiency? Vitamin D deficiency is common in newborns, extra common in newborns in northern (sunshine lacking) countries and extra common in children where the birth mother did not supplement with Vitamin D (probable if the birth mother was a drug addict). You did not mention your dd's race, but also extra common in dark skinned people (of any age). Severe Vitamin D deficiency causes Hypocalcemia which can causes seizures.
Vitamin D is easy and cheap (these days) to test for and super easy and cheap to supplement.

selly24 · 29/06/2015 07:17

Horrific displays of ignorance such as these will continue until there is compulsory training regarding the emotional / behavioural /attachment issues linked with adoption for all education, social and healthxare professionals.
FFS though what the hell was the doctors trying to prove?

Ledkr · 29/06/2015 07:33

I'm so angry about this that it's not healthy.
I wirk in adoption and if you were one of my families Id tell you to put in s complaint or do it myself, that is really disgusting behsviour.
I am very sorry you had to tolerate this bollocks from a professional.

Moreisnnogedag · 29/06/2015 08:03

I don't normally come on this board but it came up on active convos. That is absolutely appalling, if that was a junior of mine is roast their arse.

Can you remember what grade they were? On their badge did it say F1/F2/CT1 or SHO/registrar etc?

Training juniors all have annual reviews with their training deaneries and sure as heck this should be part of it. In addition all of us now do yearly appraisals and again this should be included.

devora again very abysmal behaviour.

My dad is adopted and has absolutely no desire to find his birth 'parents' and now just lies when they ask about family history rather than put up with the 'have you not tried to find your real parents' type questions.

Velvet1973 · 29/06/2015 09:27

Wow Mama my mouth just literally fell open reading that! You kind of expect comments like that from Joe public but from so called trained professionals who should know better is just astounding!
I would definitely ensure they send him on some kind of training to learn about adoption and the very real issues parents face. What an ar*e!

Velvet1973 · 29/06/2015 09:31

Devora just caught up with your post too! That is outrageous! I'm completely staggered by the total ignorance.
I thought mine was bad when hv said to me about my little man "is he your first?" Knowing we were adopting him then proceeded to say " it must be so hard not only with a new baby but somebody else's baby too!" But that pales into insignificance in the face of these comments.

adoptmama · 29/06/2015 11:46

Good for you for making a formal complaint. Perhaps it will mean he will get some kind of training of attachment etc and another parent wont have to put up with his shit in the future.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.