Insensitive comment rant

[Mama1980]

I know we have a lot of these thread, but this really upset me. Probably because I haven't slept in weeks and haven't had a break in 2 years.......

Not at all silly written down. What an utter arse.

You were very retrained Mama - I'd have poked him in the eye.

Ignoring the adoption issues - your DD is still very very little (from memory) who starts lecturing about a very small child needing to be independent when they're sick?!

Jesus, Mama - that's absolutely appalling. Well done on keeping it together enough not to hit anyone and to make a formal complaint. How can anyone, still less anyone in the 'caring professions' think this was a remotely acceptable thing to say?

Devora, horrified at yours, too.

My jaw is genuinely on the floor at that bellends comment.
I think I would have punched him!

Anyone can 'end up with kids' by birth but it takes a helluva lot more work to adopt!

&

Wow thanks so much everyone. Glad to know I didn't overreact.
I was so shaken. Tbh I was just so angry I saw red, as you say how I didn't commit physical violence I'll never know, I just grabbed dd stormed out and demanded to speak to the most senior person I could find and yelled a lot. (In between sobs ) They were very apologetic but I promise I will follow uP the complaint fully, health care professionals in a position of trust cannot be allowed to make these comments. thankfully my dd is too little to have fully understood what he said but imagine if she had been older! The damage such thoughtless comments can do....
I was shaking with rage.
Devora I am on your behalf what a awful thing to say.
Yes Kew my dd is just 19 months old, far too little.
Thanks everyone for the good wishes for my dd she seems to be doing ok, the seizures have stopped with medication but there are still tests results to come in and it's going to be a long process I think.
Thankfully he wasn't the Dr in charge of my dd s care he was just working that day I hadn't met him before.
I will double check the vitamin thing has been checked, thank you whoever mentioned it. (Sorry I'm on the iPad so can't name check)

All.

What??? Who thinks this let alone says this? And after years of training too?

Not that it's any consolation but your enraged reaction might have given him a clue about just how wrong he was about the realness or otherwise of your relationship.

As for the babying thing...FFS. Your lovely DD needs her mummy and somehow your babying her?

I am so sorry you have experienced this crapness at a crap time and I hope your DD gets through the tests as well as possible and you get some solutions.

your = you're

Lack of spelling ability due to outrage on your behalf.

Can only agree with the anger of everyone here at such crass and ignorant insensitivity. More though, a doctor with such a complete lack of understanding of children, should not be allowed to work with children at any time.

I hope your complaints meet with a more professional response.

Good luck with everything. DD2 began having seizures around the age of 2 but is now well controlled with meds. Hope you see an effective treatment plan soon. In our case I suspect FAE as she has other issues that would suggest that as a likely underlying issue, but the epileptic seizures have become a real non-issue with meds.

A friend of mine adopted her DD from Vietnam. She brought her to have her BCG injection and the baby, understandably started to cry, so the nurse said "oh you poor baby, so far from home and your mother".
My friend had the presence if mind to tell her off severely.
Some people just should not talk at all.
I'm so sorry your DD is sick OP. I hope you get some answers soon.

Unfortunately, doctors get no (no!) training on adoption and fostering as part of medical school, and GPs get a couple of hours. Paeds doctors should have a bit more understanding, but unless they specialise in community paeds and LAC work, then ignorance abounds.

These comments are inexcusable, and demonstrates a wider training issue. It's something I'd like to change, and have plans to, and if anyone wants to help, please PM me.

I have name changed for this.

There is also a problem with doctors from other cultures where adoption and fostering do not exist.They, not unexpectedly, then don't have a clue. This is a widespread training issue beyond that one doctor, although he does sound like a prat, too!

Hope all's being sorted with the LO.

Actually it did cross my mind to ask if he was from outside the UK but didn't as I didn't want to be accused of xenophobia! But yes I have encountered that too - that some of these things are less well understood and the appropriate language less well disseminated elsewhere. (Of course we have our own idiots so it may be that's who OP encountered).

hope you are doing ok OP.

I so wish this kind of comment was limited to people from cultures where adoption is less common....

In fact the community paediatrician when DS came home was from Egypt and was the medical adviser on the adoption panel and had come across children who had been institutionalised so was brilliant and understood the issues better than any doctor I have ever come across.

Unlike our GP who when doing DS's medical for his UK adoption said in a notably startled tone "Oh he seems absolutely normal"

When I was nannying for a family with adopted children we encountered this problem with medical staff. They couldn't get their analytical heads around the concept of "love" (according to a nurse)
Make a fuss, make them learn a lesson so the next adopted child/mummy/daddy they see gets better treatment.
I kicked up a stink (won't say what about out of respect to the family) and now the paediatric docs do special training at our local hosp. (and I got the nickname "nanny pittbull" they used to run away from me!)

Quite seriously, if any of you want to help me design something to educate medical staff about adoption issues, please get it touch.It's needed, and as someone who is only a prospective adopter at this stage, I could do with some more knowledgeable people to proof read, and give opinions.

Complaining to your hospital might change things in that hospital-I have ambitions to create a simple resource to change things, full stop.

I'm all in! but understand that as a nanny who's only experience of adoption is as a nanny I'll understand if you want families to help (and not me).....lots of "understand" & "nanny"in that sentence lol you can tell i'm tired!
Night x

Thanks everyone
Kew is right this Dr was English and so did not have the excuse of language to fall back on.
I have heard form the hospital who apologised and asked me if I wanted to peruse the complaint further, which I said did.
My dd has had a great week no further seizures with medication so fingers crossed and she relaxed enough to sit in the paddling pool without me yesterday.
I would be prepared to help with proof reading etc. as you say something has to change. So long as it can be done anonymously.

That DR needs to answer for his ignorance, you should most definitely complain. I have had it with insensitive DRs there is no time for bedside manner for them.

Birth name in a waiting room is a big thing. I had to complain three times in one clinic in one day once! And obviously each time I patiently said 'please, when he is called, don't use his surname - just his first name. Please make sure that happens.' AND EVERY TIME THEY CALLED HIS BIRTH NAME!