Blocked by Tinder date

[andara]

I was feeling a bit sad about this today so I wanted to vent and get a few opinions.

I matched with a guy on Tinder 2 weeks ago. We went on first date last night. He was nice and very complimentary at the start. He said things like 'if i had to choose anyone in life I would choose you' 'You make me feel like i could fall in love'. Very smooth, charming

Then he went on to talk about his ex wife. He was very negative about her. That she wouldn't let him do things because she was jealous.

Then he talked badly about lots of other women that he had been with. He said that a lot of them were crazy and stalked him after he left them. He said he blocked one woman and then she texted him from five other numbers.

Then he told me about a lot more negative things in his life.

At this stage I did say ' Can we talk about some fun positive thing, you are talking about a lot of negative things'. He said 'like what' . I said 'crazy ex wife, women whove treated you bad, problems at work, problems in family, I've just met you, I don't need to know all that on the first date, lets just relax and have a nice time'

He then said ' I have talked about some positive things - you just didn't listen'. Then he got angry and said 'I'm done' and just walked off! I said 'I'm done too'.

Then I went home and saw that he blocked me on everything.

Like he is a red flag right, but I don't know how he did it, he's just made me feel really bad today and made me feel like Im the crazy one! He has messed with my mind. No doubt. he will add me to the list and tell the next woman that Im crazy.

What do you think about this?

He sounds like he hates women. Rather than feeling bad, you can pat yourself on the back for asking for better behaviour from him.

The fact that this got you blocked tells you all you need to know.

He is a terrible man who hates women and is using AI to text pre date I bet. Its a huge problem these days.

Lucky escape! I would be happy someone like that blocked me tbh! If he unblocks and messages you later make sure you block him!!!

i know. I just feel sad because it was a horrible experience.

I wish I'd been stronger and when he started telling me about all his problems - I should have said 'Im not your therapist' and walked off.
Instead I sat there listening to all his crap, then when I slightly stood up for myself at the end, he treated me like I was the problem and walked off.

Sigh

You sussed him out and he didn’t like it. However it happened, you got rid. Don’t dwell on it or feel bad about yourself. Lucky escape!

Just one other thing, though -

He was nice and very complimentary at the start. He said things like 'if i had to choose anyone in life I would choose you' 'You make me feel like i could fall in love'. Very smooth, charming

This would have been a red flag for me right from the start, on a first date!

You're a normal person who responded in a very normal way. You set a boundary with him and he reacted like someone with serious personality issues. Well done for spotting it, well done for addressing, and congratulations it worked out as well as it could have under the circumstances. OLD is a nightmare for sure, and there are plenty of people out there in the pond who have no business looking for or being in a relationship.

Typical lovebombing.

OP please give yourself a medal 🥇😆

You are an absolute top notch woman with a fantastic sense of self, excellent instincts that you can trust, and an appropriately high bar for loser men.

I am in awe

aw thank you so much for that!

It's nice to come on and support each other on here. Online dating can be tough

Jeez what a turn in one date!

I had one that was going so so well - one of those lovely long dates where you get super excited - but then in the last half hour he got super handsy and then quite forceful. I ended up having to push him off me in the car park. Creep.

What a creep. That’s awful that he used up your valuable time. I’d take this as a sign to reward yourself today and have a lovely treat 🥰

Yes and well done OP for saying what you said. I wouldn't have had the balls, but Im in awe.

Yes, what a turn! Haha . He went from saying 'you make me feel like i could fall in love' to saying 'i'm done' in about an hour.

Not really a sign of a stable man. I guess

Love bombing followed by a list of all the reasons he thought he was hard done by - what a creep! You sussed him out fast and he didn't like it.

oh no.
That's not nice at all

I wish I'd been stronger and when he started telling me about all his problems - I should have said 'Im not your therapist' and walked off.

You are stronger already, @andara !!!

I am willing to bet that next time you match up with a misogynist, woman-hating loser you will pull the plug much sooner.

Now, focus on weeding them out before you meet up irl. Easier said than done, I know… because unfortunately many of them know how to talk the talk.

Thanks for the support ladies. I feel a bit better.

I see Khloe Kardashian was asked would she date again recently.

She said: Why would I go towards danger when I could go towards safety..

I understand that!

Dating is hard because we leave ourselves open to taking on someone's elses problems, baggage, negativity. We leave ourselves open to possibly being abused.

However I am not like that guy and say' all men are awful' because of course they are all different.

I am still going to try again

I think he has done you a favour.

Love bombing ✔️
Crazy ex ✔️
Gaslighting ✔️
No accountability ✔️

Not many show themselves so clearly on the first date. I'm 99% sure you've just been blocked by an abusive man. Do not engage with him again if he unblocks you. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a test to see if you're vulnerable to his abuse.

Don't worry and move on who cares what he says.
You did the right thing . What an absolute bore he sounds. As you say no fun., no banter no thanks.
Pity you didn't stop his sooner actually
You've only got his side anyway not that your interested.

He said things like 'if i had to choose anyone in life I would choose you' 'You make me feel like i could fall in love'. Very smooth, charming.

Very creepy more like.

I mean I couldn't get over

"He said things like 'if i had to choose anyone in life I would choose you' 'You make me feel like i could fall in love'."

After two weeks this is an almighty huge, glaring red flag.

I think you deserve to pat yourself on the back for pointing out to him - to his face - that all he'd done was complain all night. Not everyone would have had the confidence to say that - so well done. I wouldn't give him another thought. As they say, the trash took itself out.

The other thing I'm worried about is I live in a fairly small city. It;s too small of a city!

Me and this date guy had connected on instagram. Before our date, I looked at his photos and realised that he is friends with a man that I work with ( and who I get on well with).

This guy I went on a date with even mentioned the guy that I work with on the date, he said 'my friend asked me to do a hobby with him last Wednesday'.

The Guy I work with talked to me about doing this hobby last Wedensday.

I know men are very different with each other, than they are with women. So my male colleague probably just sees a fun, hobby side of this man.

On our date he asked me what i work at and I told him that what industry I work in, there are only a few of these companies in my small town.

Im just worried now that this date guy is going to say to work guy that I'm crazy. He obviously talks about women badly.

Or if I ever go out and socialise with work guy, which I do occasionally, We go for coffee, drinks once a month, I might bump into date guy again.

Dating is stressful. I think I need to date someone outside my city next time and in a larger place.

Oh you was meant to see poor vulnerable Steve who is wronged by all women! He says such sweet things. Lets jump into bed.... For him to block you or make you the next crazy ex story.
Good escape

Please don’t be sad about this OP. You handled this interaction like an absolute boss. And no need to relocate your dating behaviours based on one disordered individual. If your male colleague is decent and/or discerning, this bloke’s opinion won’t matter a damn. Don’t give him so much leverage.