WWYD - children stealing Halloween sweets

[Monket]

In short, we hosted a small trick or treating session last night. My Y2 child had 3 friends over and it’s come out this morning that whilst my DC left their pile of sweets briefly (they were all trading them after being out), two of the guests grabbed some of my child’s. The third guest told my child when my child came back, and my child asked for their sweets back but the other two didn’t return them.

I've pointed out to my DC that there’s nothing I can do now and they should have told me at the time. What would you do? Should I mention to the parents of the two? I don’t want the sweets back or any bad feeling - but I would be appalled if my DC behaved like this on a play date and would certainly want to know.

I suspect the ship has sailed and I should leave it, but my DC has a chronic issue with standing up for themselves (this is a prime example) and I’m keen to show them it’s okay to be firm on unkind behaviour. Advice welcome!

Take all the sweets, tell the children they can choose 5 or 10 for themselves (depending on how much there is) and the rest will be divided equally between them.

No don’t say anything it’s just par for the course with kids I think.

That's very helpful if she can somehow go back in time to yesterday...🙄

Why do people reply without reading the OP at all?

I’d leave it now, but mentally note that they can’t be unsupervised for this bit next year, and in the meantime I’d work with the child on what they could have done, why they didn’t, and practising it.

I don’t think you can teach that it’s okay to be firm from this example now, because you won’t get the sweets back, so they won’t see a resolution that works.

I would leave it now, it needed to be dealt with at the time l.

I think that a lot of children would not steal the sweets of another child. I would discourage the 'friendship' with the thieving kids. What a cheek.

Tell your DC that those particular "friends" won't be welcome to come back to your house and stick to that. Have your DC tell them.

By Y2 they should know better and it's definitely important to model setting firm boundaries and having self respect before your DC becomes the one who's a pushover.

I don't think there's any point dredging this up with parents after the event, unless you're close friends (I would probably ask my kid if they wanted to pop out and get a few bits to replace what was taken, but my own kids would be upset about the behaviour more than the loss of sweets, and a few extra drumstick lollies probably wouldn't help)

The post was put up this morning. They didn’t say that the sweets had been eaten. Just that they had taken and not returned them. The OP says they don’t want the sweets back so presumably the child that took them still has them.

I think I agree with the conclusion so far - clearly we should have supervised more closely. Given these children are 7 (or almost 7), I wasn’t expecting downright theft - maybe just some gentle manipulation during the trading, which I do consider par for the course…!

I’ve been very clear this morning with my DC that children who behave unkindly are not welcome in our home.

Break in to the other children’s houses, steal something of value to them, and also write a note on their wall saying “I’m watching you….signed Santa”

As you say, it's happened and mentioning is likely to do more harm than good.
It's always frustrating when something unfair happens and it would put me off encouraging friendships with those kids.
But I would probably have a chat with my own kids. What the friends did is wrong. Bringing it up now might just create awkwardness and damage the friendship.There's a tricky balance between letting the small stuff go and being a pushover and it's something adults also struggle with.
Don't make it into a big deal. There will def be other opportunities for your child to learn to stand up for themselves

Yes, maybe you should re-read it. The OP asked “what would you do?” and I answered.

But how would you do it? Tell the the parents? Get all the kids and sweets back round to your house the day afterwards?

I think you are doing the right thing op.

Oh fgs! So much navel gazing and hand wringing over a few sweets!

kids ARE unkind, certainly at that age, so @Monket your DC needs to wise up a lot in this regard, the “these kids acting unkindly” not being welcome back in your home is just daft, it’s not a learning experience for your DC, you’re wrapping them in cotton wool and solving the issue for them.

you tell your DC that next time they won’t be so trusting/naive. The kids get too many sweets anyway so it’s not the worst thing in the world that they have gone.

your child needs to toughen up, and you need to toughen up your approach to show them a matter of fact and pragmatic way of dealing with every day life.

Make sure the children involved don't get invited next year.

Ignore me, for some reason I thought it was a sleepover.
You were right with your first comment. I should have read it properly.
Don’t I feel stupid! My error completely, apologies to you.

If your child had done this, how would you want it handled?

I’m not sure about this - I completely agree my DC needs to toughen up, and have said as much… but I’d not invite over adults that steal from me either! Fortunately that’s not a common occurrence in my life or social circle.

It wasn't me with the first comment.

Nothing can be done about it now. I don't think it's worth trying to get an explanation or apology out of the others.

I think this is a really good example of why young people seem to struggle to much as teenagers and young adults. The level of over parenting is insane.
Can you imagine a mother in the 80s or 90s canvassing strangers for their opinion on a young child stealing some of their kids sweets?!

I knew a fair few kids who were a bit greedy and grabby when they were this age, but they've all grown up into nice and reasonable adults! I just think the excitement and piles of sweets brings out the worst in them really 😕 I wouldn't make a fuss and speak to their parents, I would tell your child that it was greedy and mean of their friends to behave like this and encourage them to tell you next time so you can sort it out.

@SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes hopefully I have tagged the correct person with my apology 🤞