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UC, FWB, living together, perimenopausal maniac

37 replies

questioneverything01 · 31/10/2026 22:22

That is probably a common issue.
46F, London
I rent privately, my ex is on the tenancy. I cant afford rent. (ex is gone back to his country, he wanted kids, had an affair and an 'accident').
Council told me to find something cheaper. They eventually helped me with the rent. (I asked them for help when I still had good credit score, but already in debt).
I lost my job due to redundancy and company going insolvent over 2 years ago.
Impossible - no saving, rent prices, DRO. I have only just been awarded LCWRA. I did not apply correctly when first became unemployed.
(Im ASD/ADHD/Depression and Anxiety, asthma, slipped disc and perimenopause - I yell at people, I had my meds stopped as a psychiatrist was concerned I am having a manic episode, I am waiting for another psychiatric assessment) (additional mess)

The new UC/LCWRA pretty much only covers the rent.
Rooms in my area cost more than LHA.

(i applied for civil service jobs, and council vacancies etc., NHS for min wage)

I was already under investigation as someone reported me for living with a bf ( a new one, or anyone - I was dating, one neighbour does not like me). I showed my credit card statements etc, and DWP had no issue with this at the end (maybe they gave up after reading my statements).
I have an active DRO, spent all my credit on rent and bills.
I thinking (maybe not super keen) about having this FWB to move in (for a bit maybe, he cannot be around me and my mess, but he does not like his flatmates). Its a one bed flat.
I have read a lot (i think) about living as a couple rules. Potential flatmate insist he is not my bf (he wants me not to be me), (my ex just 'lend' me money for the rent).

How do I present it as a win win? He pays half the rent, council does not have to top up.

OP posts:
QueenOfAccountability · 31/10/2026 22:37

How do I present it as a win win?

Present it to who?

If you want to move a friend/boyfriend/FWB into your house then go ahead and do so, it's allowed. Then update UC/Housing Benefit/Council Tax.

questioneverything01 · 31/10/2026 22:38

QueenOfAccountability · 31/10/2026 22:37

How do I present it as a win win?

Present it to who?

If you want to move a friend/boyfriend/FWB into your house then go ahead and do so, it's allowed. Then update UC/Housing Benefit/Council Tax.

To the DWP,
as i am reading having a male flatmate in one bed is always treated as suspicious

OP posts:
QueenOfAccountability · 31/10/2026 22:39

questioneverything01 · 31/10/2026 22:38

To the DWP,
as i am reading having a male flatmate in one bed is always treated as suspicious

It's based on household income, not who you're having sex with. DWP don't care about your sex life, just who lives in the house with you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 31/10/2026 22:40

questioneverything01 · 31/10/2026 22:38

To the DWP,
as i am reading having a male flatmate in one bed is always treated as suspicious

You mean you want to have a man you're having sex with move in with you so you can get him to pay half the rent without declaring it to UC because he's not a proper boyfriend? That would still be fraud. DWP doesn't care if your male sex partner who you live with is a fuckbuddy or the love of your life - if he lives with you, he's part of your household and would affect your claim.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 31/10/2026 22:41

QueenOfAccountability · 31/10/2026 22:39

It's based on household income, not who you're having sex with. DWP don't care about your sex life, just who lives in the house with you.

Not accurate - a housemate wouldn't affect her personal UC allowance. But this isn't a housemate!

DuffyDavy · 31/10/2026 22:43

questioneverything01 · 31/10/2026 22:38

To the DWP,
as i am reading having a male flatmate in one bed is always treated as suspicious

I’m this case, their suspicions would be right.

JLou08 · 31/10/2026 22:55

Is this a genuine post?
Very brave to come on MN asking for advice on how to commit benefit fraud.

JLou08 · 31/10/2026 22:56

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 31/10/2026 22:41

Not accurate - a housemate wouldn't affect her personal UC allowance. But this isn't a housemate!

I think there would be a deduction from UC for a housemate. Don't UC make the assumption you're receiving board from any other adults living in the home?

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 01/11/2026 05:28

JLou08 · 31/10/2026 22:56

I think there would be a deduction from UC for a housemate. Don't UC make the assumption you're receiving board from any other adults living in the home?

No

grinandslothit · 01/11/2026 05:32

Maybe stay away from the men and focused on getting your life sorted out
Is there anything wrong with having a woman for a roommate?

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 01/11/2026 05:39

grinandslothit · 01/11/2026 05:32

Maybe stay away from the men and focused on getting your life sorted out
Is there anything wrong with having a woman for a roommate?

She's got a one bedroom flat, the man will be sharing her bed, that's the point

iamnotalemon · 01/11/2026 06:53

Why are you not able to find a cheaper property to rent if that’s the case? Is it only your ex on the tenancy or a joint tenancy? I think you need to avoid these men, whether a fwb or boyfriend and focus on getting yourself sorted.

Aliencrispsandolives · 01/11/2026 07:09

He insists he’s not your boyfriend and doesn’t want you to be you?

questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 12:37

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 31/10/2026 22:40

You mean you want to have a man you're having sex with move in with you so you can get him to pay half the rent without declaring it to UC because he's not a proper boyfriend? That would still be fraud. DWP doesn't care if your male sex partner who you live with is a fuckbuddy or the love of your life - if he lives with you, he's part of your household and would affect your claim.

I would declare him as a lodger or permitted occupier. - I said I would inform DWP.

He needs an address.
That isnt a fraud.
Usual outrage, but if I asked if its ok to take money from a new BF?

How early into a relationship you become dependant on your partners income?

If we both had money we would not have considered moving in together.
It is just the reality of London rental market.

OP posts:
questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 12:41

iamnotalemon · 01/11/2026 06:53

Why are you not able to find a cheaper property to rent if that’s the case? Is it only your ex on the tenancy or a joint tenancy? I think you need to avoid these men, whether a fwb or boyfriend and focus on getting yourself sorted.

I have DRO, insolvency - will not pass credit check.
I asked landlords - they said 'no', no insurance would accept me.
Also there isnt much available within the LHA. Close to none.

My option is to wait for eviction notice.

Its a joint tenancy. When we rented I had a job.

OP posts:
questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 12:45

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 01/11/2026 05:39

She's got a one bedroom flat, the man will be sharing her bed, that's the point

How do I find one for a small flat?
I cant even change the tenancy, I cannot add joint tenant.

spareroom often has filters that leave me out - I am 46.

there are some issues around sharing

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 01/11/2026 12:46

Sorry, OP. You can't move a partner in and then try to claim that you aren't living as a couple because neither of you are committed to the relationship. That would be fraud.

questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 12:49

Aliencrispsandolives · 01/11/2026 07:09

He insists he’s not your boyfriend and doesn’t want you to be you?

At least I know him. It does not mean we are responsible for each other.
It is sexual but not romantic, and driven by economy.

It is better than getting a stranger. (also very tricky)

Also for adding a lodger or permitted occupier.

OP posts:
questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 12:51

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 01/11/2026 12:46

Sorry, OP. You can't move a partner in and then try to claim that you aren't living as a couple because neither of you are committed to the relationship. That would be fraud.

How do you decide that someone is a partner?

We do shopping separately, we dont go out. At the moment we spend 1 night a week together.

The flatmate would contribute and the council would stop topping up my rent or having homelessness duty.

OP posts:
questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 12:53

grinandslothit · 01/11/2026 05:32

Maybe stay away from the men and focused on getting your life sorted out
Is there anything wrong with having a woman for a roommate?

I am focused on surviving.

My UC does not cover rent.
I am in chats with council about temporary or emergency (not sure what is the difference) accommodation.

OP posts:
questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 12:55

JLou08 · 31/10/2026 22:56

I think there would be a deduction from UC for a housemate. Don't UC make the assumption you're receiving board from any other adults living in the home?

There is a deduction for permitted occupier but not for paying lodger.
He does not have contact with his family, and this would be his only address.
We dont have other friends or family to rely on.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 01/11/2026 13:02

It doesn't sound like you can afford to live in London, and don't have any work, friends or family ties there so zero reason to limit yourself to 'rooms in my area'. Move to a much more affordable area instead of this messy man situation.

Pickledonion1999 · 01/11/2026 13:05

There may be a very small chance of you getting away with declaring him as a lodger if you had a two bedroom place but in a one bedroom flat zero chance of pulling the wool over the DWP's eyes I'm afraid !.

NoNathanielNoThereMustBeMoreToLife · 01/11/2026 13:07

All you will be doing is creating another set of problems before ending up right back where you are now.

Moving a FWB into a one bed, but not as a real partner is a recipe for disaster, and his income would be taken into account as part of UC because you would be partners to them, so you would have to rely on his income.

It doesnt sound like you have particular ties to London, why not move somewhere cheaper? Ask what help you can get with moving, there may be some charities or a grant you can get as you have disabilities.

questioneverything01 · 01/11/2026 13:12

pinkdelight · 01/11/2026 13:02

It doesn't sound like you can afford to live in London, and don't have any work, friends or family ties there so zero reason to limit yourself to 'rooms in my area'. Move to a much more affordable area instead of this messy man situation.

I said few times I have an active DRO insolvency.
I dont have savings for a deposit.
LHA changes accordingly.
It is close to impossible to rent whilst on UC, I presume a lot of people were renting before they became unemployed (just like me). Councils need to get involved to secure tenancy, but first one needs to become homeless.

I am just trying to find a solution before as psychiatrist hinted placing me in a special place.

OP posts:
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