Zero parties - has anyone else experienced this?

[oodles50]

I was only really thinking about this as some of my friends talk about being at children’s parties nearly every weekend, with multiple parties on some occasions.

My DD is 5 and in year 1 and we have never had a class party, not one.

When there were no parties in the first couple of months of reception I assumed people weren’t having them as the children didn’t really know one another yet, although I thought the tendency was for whole class parties at this stage. But as the months went on I began to wonder whether people weren’t having them or, if my DD just wasn’t being invited.

My DD never comes home saying that other children have had parties, or that she hasn’t been invited to something, and we all know children talk about these sort of things. But I do have a niggle in the back of my mind worrying that she isn’t making friends etc.

I guess I just wondered if anyone else had children in a class where there was this lack of parties? I understand it decreases as they get older, but it seems odd to have had nothing at all! Although, maybe I should be thankful I don’t have to spend my weekends in endless soft plays ha!

Maybe it’s just the school, it’s unusual in another way, as there is no class WhatsApp group (which I am told is something I should be thankful for!)

Oh yes me too op. Dd2 is in year 1. We haven't been invited to a single birthday party, apart from people we already new before school eg neighbours, nursery. I've tried getting to know other parents at the school gate but not had much luck. I only pick her up once a week though, she's at afterschool club the other days. No clasd whatsapp either.

I think it can be a domino effect. So if one or 2 people in a class have a big class party then more and more people in the class start having them.

Why don’t you do a big class party for your DD’s next birthday? Maybe you kick off more to happen? They don’t need to be expensive, especially if there is another child you can share with that has a birthday in the same month.

How big is the class?
My kids were in a class of 30 and there were parties from Reception. I wouldn’t assume that DD wasn’t making friends. IME many reception and year 1 parties are friends of the mum’s rather than children picked by the birthday child.

Did you have a party for your child? You could ask the teacher who her closest friends are if you only wanted a small gathering?

Personally I think a lot of people (both the adults and children) are over the concept of big parties.
Too expensive. Too many gifts. Too chaotic.
Many times on this forum there's posts from people saying they send out the invites but don't get replies or people don't turn up the day.
I think people just don't want to go to so many big parties anymore.

I've never hosted a whole class party as I feel they get a bit feral. For my daughters birthday we hosted a party table at a local wildlife park, she was allowed a maximum of 12 kids so- once siblings, her, nearby cousins and our very close friends from outside of school were accounted for, she invited 5 reception friends to join her. We have had known about and attended only one whole class party invite in reception (village hall and bouncy castle) and had this kid to her party in return. None yet for year 1.

Being the first to host one will definitely get you a lot of return invites to parties in the future I'd imagine!

Glad it's not just us then!

Like you, we've had a couple of parties with friends from outside of school. One friend who has a child in the same year but at a different school couldn't believe we hadn't had any, and that's when you start questioning yourself!

I also only do pick up twice a week, I make small talk with people, but don't know any of the other parents really.

I think the lack of WhatsApp group may feed into it as some schools aren’t happy to hand out invitations.

We have a bit of an opposite issue in that we have 1 WhatsApp group that started in nursery but now seems to cover both reception classes and people are doing parties and chucking the invite in the group, effectively inviting both classes (which is 55 kids 😳).

I wouldn’t worry she isn’t making friends. Parties will come at some point but if you think she’d like one, have the first one. I imagine a lot of people will follow.

This really seems to vary between particular cohorts e.g. DD1's year seemed to have a class party every other weekend and then DD2 who is only the year below has only had one whole class party (she's now in Y3).

I agree with others that there seems to be a domino effect where if a couple of parents hold them then others follow suit but they are ridiculously expensive once you factor in hiring a hall, food and party bags for 30 children, an entertainer or a bouncy castle etc. It's no surprise over the past couple of years that they have fizzled out with the cost of living crisis.

Have you hosted one? DS' birthday is in November so by the time we needed to book a party we didn't know who his friends would be in reception so we did a whole class hall party with bouncy castle etc. He then got invited to loads in reception and Y1, I found by Y2 it had slowed down to the same dozen or so children who were firm friends by then, inviting each other to activities, although some of the girls have had disco parties this year (y3) with bigger groups

There are 30 children in the class. Because of this I can understand why people wouldn't want a big class party due to cost and well, lets face it, 30 5 year old running round being chaotic 😂

I just thought she might have been invited to something, even if it was a smaller party. She does talk about friends...

DD birthday is in the summer holidays, so as there hadn't been any parties from anyone the rest of the year, we continued with our usual small family and friends party at home. I also thought that with no WhatsApp group, handing out physical invites at the start of the summer holidays was a recipe for people forgetting about it!

I absolutely agree
we’ve scaled right back with this and my eldest is 14 and he had him and 5 friends they went bowling and for a burger, my daughter had 3 friends for a trip to the cinema and a pizza but my youngest who will be 8 wants a softplay party minimum number is 16 😱😱😱 but we certainly don’t have 30 kids - I did it a couple of times with my elder 2 then learnt plus my youngest is a different character and would have been totally overwhelmed with it all aswell. Then there is the cost to factor in, just too much expense!

DD1's primary school had hardly any- high ish levels of poverty and also from some varied cultural backgrounds where that kind of party not common. They're expensive so I think a lot of people will just now opt out. We didn't have one either!

I agree with the domino effect all it takes is a couple then every kid wants a party for their birthday but if it doesn't become a thing then the kids aren't bothered and the parents aren't. I'd be more concerned if there was lots off talk around parties and your dd wasn't being invited but that doesn't sound like the case

My DCs made it all the way through primary school never receiving a single party invite. They are ND and didnt have any friends so i assumed that was why but they didnt even get invited to the standard whole class parties although none was ever mentioned here either.

That’s awful that they were excluded 😢
one of my youngests sons best friends is ND, and I would always include him.
social exclusion is awful at any age.

Agree with a pp that lack of a class WhatsApp has taken away a bit of the 'convenience' factor for all-class parties. My kids both went to a few in Rec/ Year 1 but we have a couple of easy and cheap hall-type venues nearby where everyone seems to hold them. Maybe no-one wanted to be the first and it didn't really catch on?

They had no friends sadly 😔 so i assumed that was the reason. i use to think the school just wasnt that kind of school until DD started and got invited to parties (class and individual)

I'm reassured that some people have similar experiences.

Even though I get why parties are becoming less of a thing due to cost etc. I just had that typical Mum response of 'what if it's my DD and she's being left out'. She's also the youngest in the year, so again over active brain was wondering if she wasn't making friends because the other children think she's too babyish.

I also had a brief moment where I wondered if there was actually a WhatsApp group and I'd been left off it 😂

I'm sorry to hear that. It's horrible to think of our children being left out of things.

Why don’t you print out a slip of paper and ask dd to distribute to everyone in the class…

hi all
in December at the soft-play (or whatever!/ Santa bowling lanes/ craft thing at wherever etc etc…) on xxxx date, there’s a festive session with facepainting etc and we wondered if you would like to join us there. Drop me a text on xxxxx and I’ll organise a group booking for some festive fun.
Love oodles and mini oodles

This is awful to hear and those other parents should be ashamed of themselves

I was on another thread about birthday cakes at school, and from the responses it seems that class parties at primary school are not common anymore.

Hold a 51/2 year party for your DD.
Invite all the girls in her class.
Explain that the timing is bad for her birthday so you will celebrate at a different time for a few years.

Do that. Start with all the girls. Then fewer children of your DD choice next year.

I think it's the whatsapp thing. DD is in Y2 and has had, and been to, whole class parties since school nursery. She's had a whole class party every year, but her best friend who she's been close to since before school and is now in the same class, has a birthday a week apart so we do joint ones - and we've probably done our last now actually! She's also a summer baby, but right at the start of summer hols, so easy enough to do a party that first weekend.

But anyway, apart from the very first few, nobody actually does invitations anymore. School haven't banned it or anything, I think everyone just realised it was much easier to stick the whole class ones in the whatsapp group.

Then the smaller ones, where it's e.g. 10 or 15 friends, people create a separate group and add in the parents of the children they're inviting.

And domino effect as people have also said, once the parties start, other people start thinking 'well we better have one then'.

I wouldn't say she has a party EVERY weekend, but she's had one for the last 3 weekends! But in a school where it's not visibly the norm, and parents don't automatically have each other's numbers, I can easily see how they would be much fewer.

We live in bad area (East London) and during School Nursery - Year 3, my child was invited for 2 parties (whole class).
No one has money for it anymore. I would guess around 70-80% of class parents are on benefits, we receive UC top up too, there is no way I could afford to hire hall, soft play, etc for 15 ir whole class.
We usually celebrate birthday in families or best friends only at home, park, etc.
However, my friend lives in North London and most of her daughter's classmates doing parties for the whole class.