Zero parties - has anyone else experienced this?

[oodles50]

I was only really thinking about this as some of my friends talk about being at children’s parties nearly every weekend, with multiple parties on some occasions.

My DD is 5 and in year 1 and we have never had a class party, not one.

When there were no parties in the first couple of months of reception I assumed people weren’t having them as the children didn’t really know one another yet, although I thought the tendency was for whole class parties at this stage. But as the months went on I began to wonder whether people weren’t having them or, if my DD just wasn’t being invited.

My DD never comes home saying that other children have had parties, or that she hasn’t been invited to something, and we all know children talk about these sort of things. But I do have a niggle in the back of my mind worrying that she isn’t making friends etc.

I guess I just wondered if anyone else had children in a class where there was this lack of parties? I understand it decreases as they get older, but it seems odd to have had nothing at all! Although, maybe I should be thankful I don’t have to spend my weekends in endless soft plays ha!

Maybe it’s just the school, it’s unusual in another way, as there is no class WhatsApp group (which I am told is something I should be thankful for!)

Same here. I have 3 DCs and between them they've been to less than 10 parties over the past 8 years. Some other mums I speak to seem to spend every weekend at a party so they are definitely happening, my DCs just never seem to be invited.
My younger 2 have SEN and don't find friendships easy, so I think that's the reason for them. My eldest has loads of friends but is not particularly close to anyone and has lots of different groups. I think he never makes the cut for numbers because he isn't anyone's best friend.

The more I think about it, the more I agree about this. Everything is organised in WhatsApp groups these days.

I think not having the group is both a blessing and a curse, I can't contact anyone, but at the same time I'm not having 20 messages about missing school jumpers 😅

This was me as a child to be honest. Mixed across a lot of different friendship groups, but was on the periphery a lot of the time. Maybe my DD is like this, and combined with the cost of everything and the culture of the class now being 'we don't do class parties' we find ourselves in this situation now.

This thread has reassured me that we're not the only ones. I will try to stop overthinking it now!

It’s been a long time since I had a Y1 child, but the only child who had a whole class party was the DC of one of the class TAs and I can see why she wanted to be fair to all the children. Mostly parties were for around 6-8 DC. I don’t think many people could have afforded a whole class party, and I would be very surprised if most parents could in present times.

I think by you not hosting your own party, that could possibly limit the amount of invitations you receive.
I always had entire class parties as I was cash rich and time poor working full time but other friends who held smaller parties would have a list of people whose parties their child had attended to make sure they return the invitation.
And because my kids hosted entire class parties I was one of those mums ferrying my kids to bday parties most weekends.

Try not to give it too much thought especially as you didn’t host a party for school friends.

That’s how I did it, my DC had parties for example 10 DC and they returned any invite they had and maybe added a couple of more. DC. It didn’t always completely work out completely reciprocal as friendships change but that was the jist of it.
They are both very late summer birthdays and I found invited picked up a lot in year one as they had a party by then.

Op one of my kids was an August born so we did parties just before the end of term (late July)
My sister is an August born and I remember nobody turning up for her party one year so I wanted to avoid that situation.
My older kids are born around the start of the Easter holidays and there were no shows for them so I am comfortable with having a party in July. September is closer to his birthday but there was a risk that cards would assume that he was a year older.

This might be an option for next year!

Well, there might be — ask. You’ll need to be the pro-active one if you’re not around much. I also never did drop offs and only discovered there was a class WhatsApp halfway through Year 1 when I was sitting next to another parent posting on it at the nativity play. I asked her to add me.

DS still got invited to parties, though. About 3/4 of the class had whole class parties in reception, maybe slightly fewer in Year 1, and I think we did our last whole-class party in Year 2.

Honestly I've never had the issues that everyone else seems to have on MN! I'm on several class/ year WA groups and the info is mainly useful reminders or finding out about activities that are going on in holidays etc. Totally manageable and good-natured.

Yes, I’ve been on loads of WhatsApps in two countries at three schools, and it’s always been friendly, low-key and helpful.

We haven’t had many whole class parties since Y1 and even then it was only maybe half the class, then they took a nose dive.

I think it’s less the age than it is CoL. We are comfortable, but £200-300 is a lot of money to spend on a birthday party (and we only have a class of 15!). At £20 minimum per person and a class of 30, that’s half of some parents monthly take home pay. Small parties much more the norm and some never seem to have parties at all.

Was the same for us when DS was at primary. I found with reception and years 1 and 2 it's more about the relationship between the mums than the kids. I worked and so wasn't always around for pick up time and it did make a massive difference in my opinion. I too used to worry that DS wasn't making friends and I did feel terribly guilty, but it sorted itself out in the end.

Class parties are getting rarer. We had a few in reception but no-where near as many as my nephew's had 10 years or so ago.

They are very expensive nowadays. We did one for DD in nursery and then did a joint one for DD and her friend in reception so we could split cost. This year now she's year 1 we are doing close friends only.

Very few birthday parties for my DD. Live in a very poor multicultural area. People either can’t afford it or it’s not their culture to have children’s birthday parties. Most people seem to do things with their family. Obviously people should do what they want but I feel sad that birthday parties haven’t been a major part of my child’s life. We have always had traditional parties for her birthday and invited all her friends.

Do you work full time ( or close to it?). I found that when DS started reception and I only picked up one day a week I didn’t get to know many if the mums and they simply didn’t know who to give the invite to.
I now work less and we moved schools ( for unrelated reasons) to one where more parents work and there is a class WhatsApp, so all invites went on there until we got past whole class parties.

before the pandemic my eldest in y1 appeared to have endless class parties.

my youngest was in y1 a few years after the pandemic and there were only a handful, of which his was one but he shared with another child. And not all the children came either.

I’m not sure why there’s been a big difference. I imagine living costs ?

Why is there no class / year WhatsApp group? Is this a new trend / policy?

I have found them nothing but useful?

Yes I work full time and DD is in the breakfast club and I only do pick up twice a week. I think this is part of it. The other parents are friendly enough when I talk to them, but obviously don’t know them very well.

No idea - it’s just not something that has been set up as far as I know. Friends with children in other schools were added to a class WhatsApp as part of the children’s induction at the start of reception, but our school never did that. There is a school app where all the information on activities/events/newsletter is shared and I can contact school staff through that.

2 kids here, 17 and nearly 12. We had parties with both and occassionally were invited to other kids parties too over the years.
Looking back i can say that throwing big parties made zero difference in them forming ‘lasting’ friendships. DS (17) ended up being homeschooled (bullying being partly the reason) and DD (12) doesn’t care about them now either. We have been doing family things for a while now, e.g. going away on overnight trips or to an interesting location, or simply going out for a nice meal together.

Big parties cost money and are chaotic, i find that going somewhere is more memorable, it’s become a bit of a tradition now.

As long as your DD is not bothered by it, I wouldn’t worry about it.

you could set one up? Add the few people you know and ask them to spread the word.

I did this for the y7 cohort when we started.

Surely start with the children her kid expresses an interest in being friends with and playing with? Why limit it to sex? If you want to make friends you don't immediately discount 50% of the population!