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Can someone please hold my hand because I am afraid I'm going to lose my daughter to anorexia.

29 replies

EdnaTwatkins · 27/10/2026 10:25

I've been holding it all in for weeks. But now I feel ill and desperately tired and frightened. She doesn't see that. She sees me being her rock, an 'amazing' Mum. The irony is that I used to work in an EDS inpatient service so I've seen alot.

It's all come as such a shock and I haven't slept properly for weeks. I have just tired to phone BEAT but their helpline doesn't open til 5. So I will email them.
There are currently no inpatient beds. She is open to the local EDS intensive support team. She has been re-fed in the local AMU but is still losing weight and struggling. All the light and life she used to have has gone.

I don't know what I want from the thread really. I just need to be able to say how I feel and receive some kindness.

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 27/10/2026 10:27

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. How old is your daughter?
I don't have experience of this or any real words of wisdom but I wanted you to know it that I read this and care.

HeyUpDuckie · 27/10/2026 10:31

I have suffered with eating disorders all my life, the last one I went down to 5 stone 12 pounds.
I went to visit family who I hadn't seen in a year and watching them visibly break down and get upset that I was literally a walking skeleton made me wake up and realise. My mum got me the fortisips from my GP as I couldn't eat properly it made me sick as my body wasn't used to it. Those saved my life.
So I'm here to hold your hand.

Villagetoraiseachild · 27/10/2026 10:33

Can't add to the above but thinking of you and hoping you get a breakthrough here. Big hugs.

squeaver · 27/10/2026 10:59

How old is your daughter? Sounds like she's maybe still at school? My dd was 19/20 and at university when the anorexia really took hold. So some of this may not be relevant to you but this is what helped her recover. Also, as you're a professional, apologies if some of this is stating the obvious.

1 Realising and fully accepting that she had an illness

2 Seeking help - just seeing the GP for the first time was a huge breakthrough

3 Going for an appointment to our local in-patient service (she was never admitted but only just avoided it) and seeing some of the patients and how ill they looked. That was a wake up call, she knew she didn't want to be like that

4 Having a plan. Seeing the uni health team regularly, going to her appointments, even just going to get her bloods taken, she looked at each one as a step forward to being better.

5 It took a while for her to see a therapist through uni so we paid for some private appointments with a specialist (not an option for everyone, I know)

6 She read some really helpful books. I'll see if I can find the others but this one seemed to be particularly helpful

As for you, the only advice I can give you is to be there for her. Sometimes you'll just have to listen, sometimes you might need to tackle the things she's saying head on. I often used to say "this is the anorexia talking, not you" and that seemed to work (sometimes). Sometimes you just have to wait for a horrible period to pass.

Also, please talk to other people about it. It really helps for you have an outlet too.

The thing with anorexia is it IS a battle against the disease. My dd used to say "there are two sides of my brain at war with each other". Sometimes it's a full-scale war zone, other times it's just a distant rumble in the background.

I wish you both all the best. If it helps at all, my dd is thriving - she finished her degree, is now doing a post-grad and is really settled and happy.

MissyB1 · 27/10/2026 11:09

I’m sorry OP, I can’t imagine how scary this must be to you, there aren’t enough inpatient beds for this illness as I’m sure you know. I really hope you and your dd are able to get the professional and expert care that she needs.

Lemondrizzzzle · 27/10/2026 11:13

Really sorry to hear that OP. There is an ED Mumsnet section with a support thread where you’ll find lots of support.

yellowrosesontable · 27/10/2026 11:18

my sister was admitted to a children’s ward when very bad and no specialist units available, she was confined to bed and given light food, meal replacement drinks to sip on, about 6 weeks stay, it helped, never admitted to specialist unit when a place came up. What therapy is available ? It is a must. You sound like a great Mum.

dudsville · 27/10/2026 11:18

My heart goes out to you @EdnaTwatkins , I used to work in an EDS-adjacent mh team, so a lot of their folks came to us for the interventions we offered, it's a painful illness to witness, and I can't imagine the heartache you suffer when it's your own loved one.

something2say · 27/10/2026 11:21

Hugs for you too OP, I worked for a while taking care of a youngster with anorexia.

HUGS x

AutumnMuse · 27/10/2026 11:49

I'm here to hold your hand too. Wishing you love and strength x

EdnaTwatkins · 27/10/2026 18:02

Thank you all. It has been a tough day but your messages have all helped. I'll have a read of the ED section when I feel able.

OP posts:
maslinpan · 27/10/2026 18:07

Just because you have worked within an ED service doesn't mean that you will have all the answers, or deal with it any better. Your professional experience may be a help, but it may also feel as if it's harder to ask for help - you deserve all the support you can lay your hands on. I am rooting for both of you.

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 27/10/2026 18:14

I have been there with my DD. It is terrifying. You have my utmost sympathy.
What I will say is that recovery is possible. It's desperately hard but try to hold onto that. Being my DDs rock and main support was exhausting and many many days I cried and screamed into my pillow and many days I almost could not face getting up to do it all over again. But we do dont we? Because thats what mums do.
I am no longer on the long running 'eating disorders thread for parents of teens and young people', but it was a life line for me. People who truly understood. If you feel able do try to check it out.
Much love

Weightlossworried · 27/10/2026 18:20

Hey @EdnaTwatkins I'm so sorry you're going through this. My daughter was diagnosed in March of this year. It felt like I'd woken up in a nightmare. I also recommend the ED board as a place of amazing support from people who really get it.

The long running thread is here if and when you think you might want to join us: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/5566005-support-thread-16-for-parents-and-carers-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder?page=21&reply=155591295

I hope you manage to get through to Beat. I've done a course through them and I'm also doing coaching and found them really helpful.

Page 21 | Support thread 16 for parents and carers of young people with an eating disorder | Mumsnet

The old thread is almost full. I hope no one minds me starting a new one…

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/5566005-support-thread-16-for-parents-and-carers-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder?page=21&reply=155591295

Unaisarmyofone · 27/10/2026 18:23

Gosh I'm so sorry you are going through this, anorexia is an awful illness. Much love to you.

myrtleWilson · 27/10/2026 18:29

Oh @EdnaTwatkins it is such an awful disease and so isolating for family members too. Like @Lottsbiffandsmudge I used to post on Young People with an ED series of threads which have been linked already. It was such a supportive place because people really got it - you can be completely honest and you’ll always get support. My dd has recovered but I know I was in dark places when she was so ill and the posters on those threads were invaluable to me. Sending love xx

DoubleBusy2026 · 27/10/2026 18:30

Ohh how awful. I had a brush with anorexia when I was 14 but never reached critical stage thank god. I remember getting to the point where I no longer felt any hunger, just pain. Looking back I struggle to understand why the hunger went away or whether it was my mind playing cruel tricks, but anyway. You’re doing absolutely everything you possibly can as a mother, OP.
I’ll be thinking of your girl. 💞 Stay strong

emmetgirl · 27/10/2026 18:46

I didn’t want to not respond to your post OP.
I’m so so sorry this is happening. My DD was hospitalised a couple of times with anorexia nervosa and was little more than a skeleton a couple of times. It’s utterly terrifying and I can still remember how it felt to watch my baby slowly killing herself.
She has since recovered and is really well now so it’s possible, even though it probably seems like it’s not at the moment.
I don’t have any answers for you but I just wanted to send you my thoughts and love ❤️

ThisZanyCoralShark · 27/10/2026 18:49

I am so sorry op. You sound like youre doing amazing.

ThatshallotBaby · 27/10/2026 18:58

I’m so sorry. I can give you a really big hug with a soggy labrador next to us. Sending you love xx

Theredjellybean · 27/10/2026 19:02

The charity FEAST. .has 24/7 support lines manned by parents with real life experiences.
And online forum...always someone around who chat with you
I'm 7 years in and my DD is recovering
So scarey
Hold on to any scrap of hope you can...

16usernamechangesin17years · 28/10/2026 09:41

That sounds so hard - really hoping she makes a full recovery

TootUnCarMoon · 28/10/2026 09:51

Hi. So sorry to read what you’re going through. My DD is 19 and has been severely unwell with Anorexia since she was 13 and hospitalised many times. I don’t think she’ll ever be well and her health has been impacted so badly and mentally she is a complete mess.
I went to the GP, referred to CAMHS, didn’t help (not them personally just the approach) but the hospital admissions and Ng feeding are the steps that have saved her life many times. Under adult care team now and they are amazing,
PM me anytime if you need to xx

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 28/10/2026 09:55

I can't offer any advice but offering a hand hold Flowers

Your DD is very lucky to have such a caring mum, but you do need to make sure you take time to look after yourself so you can continue to be strong for her.

Doctordoolittle · 28/10/2026 10:00

Sorry you are going through this ❤️

I am not a professional expert in eating disorders at all but I’ve had anorexia since I was 17. I’ve been desperately physically and mentally sick for long long periods during that time, but I just wanted to say it hasn’t stopped me being objectively very successful professionally, and now the best part of all is I am very happily 31 weeks pregnant and thriving.

We don’t all end up living awful lives ❤️