Lack of hygiene from family member driving me crazy

[SailorMars7]

Got a family member staying in my house with her DH for a week and the DH doesn't flush the toilet after no 1, doesn't wash hands after going to the toilet and spits in the sink and doesn't rinse. Drives my up the wall. They offered to cook and all I can think is hands haven't been washed after going to the toilet and touching everything in my house. Am I overthinking?

Ugh I couldn’t cope with this either. The men I work with never wash their hands after using the loo either. Just straight in and out (it’s one toilet in a small business).

maybe say ‘ you don’t have to save water by not flushing, we don’t do that in our house’.

I don’t know how you can make someone wash their hands but in my old job, my assistant manager came out without washing her hands and I was so grossed out I just blurted out ‘didn’t you wash your hands!’ It shocked her and she went back in and washed them 😂

That sounds grim and I don't think you are overthinking at all. I wouldn't be able to cope with that in my home at all! How long are they staying?

Can you have a word with his wife and see if she will tell him to flush the toilet and wash his hands? Failing that just get straight to the point and tell him politely but firmly. Filthy bugger! No way on this earth I'd eat anything he'd prepared

They are staying for 2 weeks. I'm close to the wife but honestly can't think of any way to say something without ruining the relationship.

I would do a, ‘someone hasn’t flushed the toilet-who was that…?! I hope they didn’t forget to wash their hands as well…’

They are staying for 2 weeks!!! 😱WHY?
I'd suggest they take you to a local restaurant/pub to 'save them having to cook'- but ensure they pay! Do you stay at theirs that long?

Could you say something privately with the wife. 'Is Bob ok? I've noticed he doesn't flush the loo and there is a lot of mucous left in the sink' 🤢 Even just typing that made me feel sick so actually, I don't know how you'd bring it up?

They've already ruined the relationship.

Put up a sign in the bathroom with bathroom rules.
Please flush toilet after each use.
Please rinse and wipe sink after each use.

🤮🤮🤮

Well, I brought up the hand washing and was told he sometimes forgets to wash his hands and flush the toilet, you'll see when your husband is older.. OMG

I didn't comment on the fact that I've seen a lot of this forgetting and it's more like all the time.

Anyway, seems it's all our fault because we are too OCD about cleaning and hygiene 😡

M’eh, if it’s yellow let it mellow and all that. Saves water to not flush all the time. Maybe you are a bit ocd about this kind of thing? And wasn’t it said that guests and fish get kind of stale after 3 days, two weeks for visitors is way too much!

I prefer to have a germ free toilet. Are those who believe you shouldn't flush for yellow also believers in not washing your hands after going to the toilet because it saves water? And is it okay to touch food and surfaces where food is prepared with those same hands?
Urine has calcium in it. When left stagnant, crystals begin to solidify and build on porcelain.

Not sure how old he is, but DH is 61. Always flushes the toilet, I can hear the tap running afterwards, so assume he's hand washing, rinses toothpaste away.

How old is this chap? Is he showing signs of not doing or forgetting other things?

The reason why no one stays in our home…ever!

Fucking hell - his wife is making excuses for him for not washing his hands. Someone should speak to him directly. And if the dirty bugger doesn't like it, so what?

The OP is not OCD about it. You just have incredibly low standards of hygiene.

I would be inclined to leave a notice in the bathroom about flushing, washing hands and rinsing the basin, and wouldn't care that they feel affronted. They have insulted you by not observing perfectly reasonable and normal levels of hygiene in a shared bathroom.

And why are they staying with you for two weeks?

I think sometimes all you can do is be direct. Just say to him directly, “Bill, could you please flush the toilet after you go, it’s something we do here, thanks.”

I don’t think you can make him wash his hands though. Some people are simply
disgusting.

If he still doesn’t flush after you’ve asked him, I’d send him back in when he comes out…genuinely I would do this, in the same way I would send back a child! He’s a grown ass man for Christ’s sake…but behaving like a four year old!

I'd get through this stay and then never have them back again.

If someone brought this up with me about my DH I'd be mortified and furious with him. The fact that she defended him would alter my view of her.

He's in his early 70s, but I don't think age is an excuse really

TWO WEEKS?! Two nights is the maximum acceptable duration for house guests, before you start to wish you hadn't bothered, that's the universal law.

I'd cross the days off, and make a note to self, unless you want to be be balls out about it and say that you love her and you feel that prolonging the stay will affect the friendship, which you don't want and can they please de camp to somewhere else as you can't cope with the toilet habits.

Yes, it does feel like an insult. You can do what you like in your own house but when you are staying with someone you make an effort.

It was meant to be a week, as they are moving houses, but the moving in date got delayed.

The spitting in the sink made my stomach flip.
What a foul creature nope would be curtailing the visit pronto.

Dad is mid 80s and manages to flush and wash hands. I think I’d be direct…. As I am with my dad when he starts fiddling with his phone at dinner…. “House rules Dad!”

I would be making a notice. “Please ONLY spit in the sink, after teeth cleaning, “flush after using the toilet” and “wash your hands” after flushing.

This would be laminated and blu tacked to the bathroom mirror or the wall above the toilet area #dirtygit

Thank you

This.