Am I an introvert or just really strange?

[middleagedandinarage]

I don't really enjoy people's company. I have 2 Dd's and genuinely think they are the only people in the world I properly love spending time with. I have a "best friend" who I chat to over social media regularly but don't really see that often. I have another group of friends who again I chat to fairly regulary vut don't see that often. They try to arrange meet ups and quite frankly I can't really be bothered seeing them, i enjoy chatting and hearing about their life but that's enough for me. I have siblings, parents and nieces/nephews who i'm quite close to and would say I generally enjoy their company but would still happlily not bother seeing too much of them. This has come to light for me becuse my DH has recently changed job and is at home much more in the evenings and even he's starting to grate on me 🙈 What is wrong with me. I'm invited to plenty of things but often make excuses because quite honestly i'd rather spwnd the evening with my kids or walking the dog ON MY OWN. Is anyone else like this? Am I just really weird?

No. You just like your own company and are happy with very limited social interaction.

Sounds perfect to me!!

Perfect 🙌

All I would say is to make sure it works for them too. Never assume others aren't lonely.

I'm extraverted so it's a mystery to me, but there's nothing wrong with you! You're happy as you are and enjoy your own company. You're fine!!

Yeah it’s really important that you make the effort for your children so they learn good social skills and can have their own friends too.

Some people are energised by socialising, some find too much of it draining. For the latter, time with immediate family and work colleagues can constitute enough and they need the rest of their free time to decompress alone.

I do think it’s important to have at least a few friends who you make an effort with, particularly for important I occasions. We often don’t realise how much we do need other people until we go through some upheaval in our life, our kids grow up, etc. then we can find ourselves quite lonely if we haven’t invested in our friendships.

This has definitley been something i've thought a lot about. I'm very conscious about encouraging them to go to everything they're invited to and to be involved in extra ciricular activities. And arrange play dates etc. But do you think doing it for them is enough or do I need to try and model it more myself?

This does worry me, I sometimes think is it just because life's busy just now. Work, running kids around etc that I crave that time on my own and peace. Maybe I will be lonely once this phase is past. In my head I want to make the effort and be more social for that reason and for periods I do but it does feel like i'm doing it because I feel i should not because I actually want to.

Agree, i definitley think friendships have dwindled because of it. People who enjoy being out, meeting etc eventually just move on when I'm never fussed about regular meet ups. Totally understamdable

I’m introverted and love being alone, but I do think it’s important to push myself sometimes. I feel it makes me a better example to my kids.

I’d just say you have a small social circle but it suits you.
I have nobody. I mean, I have family but I don’t leave the house to have no friends. It’s incredibly isolating. That’s a bad place to be.

I could have written this. I have to encourage dh into the office a few days a week otherwise he gets too chatty.

DC are near adults, they're all quiet and have limited contact with friends but do regular hobby groups which seems to be enough for them.

I have horses at a large yard so I'm around people without having to speak to them unless I want to, I think that's perfect, I can chat all day or say good morning and not interact any more.

So you sound perfectly normal to me. Need to bare in mind it's the extroverts who set the 'rules' about what life should look like because they're the ones being vocal.

You may think they've moved on but in reality they may have no one.

I am in between . Can really enjoy socialising but also crave time on my own . So I think people can be a mixture . I don’t think I could cope if I had a really active social life and was out constantly . I think it is good to have a balance , if you can .

I would however suggest to you that it is really important to maintain friendships as you might find as you age due to relationship break down / health etc that you do become more isolated .

It is much more difficult to make friends when you are older . You will see lots of threads on these boards over the years of people that have found themselves in that situation . Yes you can do hobbies etc and build up acquaintances and if you are lucky this may grow into friendships . It may not .

So my advice would be to value the friends you have and agree to meeting up once in a while . You may find that some of these friends were situational eg work friends / friends through kids and may naturally drift away . But some of your existing friends may be true friends that you should try and hold onto if you can .

It's fine when they're little, but if you only want to spend time with your kids when they're older, that can put pressure on them. And as you did choose to marry, are you sure your husband happy with the situation? If both of you really just want to be on your own, and aren't going to hassle your kids to be with you when they want to be with friends, well it's no one's business really.

Nothing to do with introversion. Misanthropic.

Absolutely the same. Nothing wrong with you whatsoever.

Be careful what you wish for! What will you have when your DD’s leave home, go to uni, forge their own family lives, move to the other end of the country, maybe emigrate to Australia. And then if your husband is unhappy that he grates on you and he leaves, what have you got left?! Nothing stays the same in this world and you may have regrets at not nurturing relationships

I relate to this to some extent. What I have found is that the closer you are with people and the more time you spend with them the less pressure the socialising feels and the more you enjoy it. I spread myself far too thin for a while with lots of acquaintances and wasn’t able to be a good friend to any of them.

Eventually I did a bit of an audit on my friendship group and thought about whose company and conversation I enjoyed the most, who were the most understanding about the fact that I wasn’t always the biggest socialiser and who were loyal. I started investing less of my time into the high pressure but low reward friendships and made a point of making more effort with just a couple that I felt were friendships that would be more important to me long term. These are also people who are more introverted and understanding of my lower social needs because they are a bit more like that themselves. Were there for each other in difficult times but regularly go months between catch ups. The friendships still feel valuable and of quality.

If it's using so much energy to meet up with people, is it because you're not being yourself?