Brother called crying and will not say why, what should I do?

[Catanica]

My brother just called me crying and I’m completely lost at what to do.
I don’t think that I have ever seen or heard him cry since we were children. He’s seen and heard me cry lots but I never did and I feel really guilty and useless now.
He wouldn’t even tell me that he was upset about and said not tomorrow tell our mum but that is his usual approach.
I feel awful because he just moved and I don’t even know where he lives and I feel like a horrible sister who lets him down when he finally needed me.
Im not even sure what to do now apart from waiting for him to reply because he won’t pick up the phone. Again, this isn’t unusual but it’s the first time that I’m worried about him.
Not sure if someone can share some practical advice.
We are a strange family and not as close as most, but this is so unlike him.

Hmm, that does sound worrying, does he live alone or does he have a partner ? Could he have broken up with someone ? I would try and find out where he lives, and call round, do you know any of his friends ?

I think you should tell him you’re there for him when he is ready to open up about what has caused this call. Tell him you love him and will do what you can to support him through the issue.

He obviously has a reason for calling you when he is struggling emotionally right now if you’ve not seen him cry as an adult!

Does he live alone? Is there any history of mental health issues?

Is it possible to ask your mother for his address and go and visit him now?

Does your mum know what his address is. You could say you have something you want to post to him if you don’t want to say what’s happened. Is it too far too go over?

I'm a stranger on the internet so take this for what it's worth: it sounds like he needed to hear your voice and have somewhere to allow his tears to come down safely.

You're not a horrible sister: you're the sister he trusts enough to show his feelings to.

He's not asking you to fix anything.

Yes I wouldn’t sit on this.
id find him and be with him.

I’d call your mum and get his address, I’m sure you can make up a reason. Then I’d go to him.

Just ask him if he wants you to come over and if so send the address

Does he have a partner or anything, or do you know any of his close friends? If it were me (and my brother sounds similar) I think I would be worried enough to be trying to get someone to go to his address (or provide me with his address).

If you cant do that, I would keep trying the phone, and send a message too, asking for a time to meet up in person or an address so you can discuss things face to face, tell him you love him etc.

Even if you dont think you are that close, the fact he has reached out to you definitely means he feels he can trust you and trust that you will offer advice/support or similar without breaking his confidence.

Is there any family member you can get his new address from? Is it reasonably close?

Do you know much about his set up at home? Is there likely to be someone there with him?

Is he too far away to go and check on tonight, if you can get the address from someone?

Send him a text - tell him you’re so sorry to hear he’s upset and want to help, you are there for him, what does he need? Does he want to come and stay the night at your house?

Text him.

Tell him you're here for him, if or when he wants to talk and if not, you're available to just spend some time with him.

This

Or ring him to say the same

Sorry trying to reply to everyone.

He lives alone and all of us would have to get on a plane to see him (both my mom and I, and also his best friend and his ex wife although she’d be the closest). All of them would go right away. He’s always moved around countries for work and because he is somewhat paranoid (not relevant for this now).

I think my mom pestered him for his address and she’d have it but I know why he didn’t want her to know about this because she goes absolutely nuts. I can ask her pretending but she’d know something was up if I urgently wanted this info at this hour right away.

I'd text him and say you are sitting by your phone and are there for him if and when he wants to talk.

Send him your love.

If he rings in the night don't get cross!! (fingers crossed for you he calls before it gets too late)

Do you know any of his friends or workplace? I’d try them and if not get his address and pop round.

What do you mean by 'somewhat paranoid'?

It does sound as if his mental health might not be the best right now.

Thank you. I tried calling him back three times but have just texted him after that because he will just fly into a rage if I keep ringing. I think he knows that I love him even if he’s never needed me.

I don’t know his friend’s contact numbers or full names but his best friend or ex wife might know some. I know that he has friends there but I don’t have their details.

I don’t remember the name of his new workplace which is horrible 😔

He has always been paranoid. We had a difficult childhood and I never realised how much of a brunt he bore until I learned about it as an adult. This is nothing new but part of the reason why it’s so difficult to pin him down and get any real answer out of him.

You are doing your best OP.

I’d do this.

Any update @Catanica ?

I would get his address off your mother - to post a book to him. But really I would go straight there and spend some time with brother.
Have some low key time together, watching tv, walking, cooking, eating.
I would research mental health support numbers for his locality and pass those on to him, if needed.