Adult son and wife have significant debt and I am worried

[Housecoat1]

Hi everyone,

my adult son (30) and his wife have money issues and I’m so worried. They have professional jobs and a good income however they’ve fallen into credit card and loan debt.

I’ve now learned that they owe £47k in Loans and credit cards. I just can’t believe that can be true? How is that even possible?

Have they said what the loans were for? It doesn’t sound unrealistic

Chill, debt isn't necessarily a disaster, depends on whether its manageable or not.
It's incredibly easy to get into debt, sometimes people have to learn from their mistakes (if the debt is unplanned).

Tricky to say given the lack of detail, if their combined income is £50k then its an issue, combined income of £150k then probably not an insurmountable issue

Well, what’s it for? I’ve heard of worse. But it depends on their salaries. What is a professional job? A lawyer on 150k or a teacher on 35k?

How did you find this out? Have they asked you for money?

Dp owed this much at one point. His parents bailed him out. He was bloody lucky that was an option. He’s never got into debt again. His then wife had cancer, endured very difficult treatment and never went back to a regular job, and I think he found it difficult to say no to anyone in the family at that time. As soon as you start putting things on credit cards or using an overdraft, or decide to take out a loan, things are at very high risk of spiralling out of control. If his parents hadn’t been in a position to pay off his debt, I guess he would eventually have gone bankrupt. That’s what happened to my dad, and thank goodness for it as after that my mum finally took on the finances.

It’s actually pretty easy to reach a point where you owe that much in unsecured debt. The question in my mind is, what are they saying about it? Are they horrified and desperate, or ‘meh’?

Point them towards Step Change. If you can help them, I’d consider it personally, but only if you were pretty sure that they are changing their habits. And don’t put yourself into debt to do it.

Have they asked you for help? Unless you can easily write the money off and accept that they might run up debt again, do not give them any money.

How has the debt come about? Overspending? Home improvements going over budget? High essential costs eg childcare, mortgage etc?

How serious the situation is and the best course of action for them depends on many factors, such as whether they already own their home, whether they're willing to live on a restricted budget until it's paid off, can they increase their income, and other factors. But no-one can say what's best without a full assessment of their finances:

Free debt advice: what to do & where to get help - MSE

I understand at face value that seems a lot, but what is it on? If it’s just trivial consumer debt then yes they definitely need to get a handle on it & need to alter their spending but if they’ve just undergone a house renovation and ultimately costs have spiralled, again not ideal but hopefully something they can manage.

As others have mentioned if they have a decent combined income then they should be able to tackle this on their own.

Of course it’s possible. What really matters is whether they can repay it. How much are they earning? Whats their housing situation?

I must be old-fashioned as I’m shocked at that level of debt but no one else on here seems to be.

Are they asking for your help? My answer would depend on how and why they have that level of debt.

They are adults with professional jobs @Housecoat1 if they ask you for advice point them to a debt charity like Stepchange and let them deal with it.

One thing I would say is that bailing them out is probably not a good option. They need to set a budget and stick to it. There must be consequences. Getting into debt is easy, working your way out is more difficult.

Can you really not imagine how a debt like that could be run up? You must have led a very privileged life.

How did you find out? Are they asking you for help? If not, stay out of it. If they are asking for help then never lend what you cannot afford to lose.

Oh me too!

But it's often fancy cars and holidays and things people are force fed by advertising everywhere. You need to be super tough to resist these days.

Well, presumably it is true as they’ve told you.

What has it been spent on? House refurb? Paying the bills after a job loss and then just chasing their tails? Fancy cars, gambling and a coke habit!?

So. obviously the answer to this is key. Have they asked you for help?

I think it’s a lot….

if they have two professional jobs and a good income then I can’t really imagine how £47k of unsecured debt can be be run up. And I would also question why they haven’t addressed this issue (seeking advice/cutting back/ changing jobs) well before it reached £47k.

Same. The only debt I’ve ever had is my student loan and our mortgage. MN is often like a whole other world in terms of finances and what people will go into debt for!

Honestly? No.

OP describes two young people with professional jobs - why on earth would they be in debt?

Try not to worry too much, OP. If they've told you, then they are aware, not burying their heads in the sand, and are presumably tackling it.
I think our current debt is not as high but things do happen that roll away from you sometimes.

We started 2026 with some chunky debt too:
Our 1930s fixer upper was a contributor as the first two years it was just a money pit! The big thing was a £12k loan for replastering, a new bathroom, various small jobs. That loan is in my name.

Then our car gave up on us and DP wanted something newer and more reliable. He took a £12k loan in his name and got a good deal on nearly new MG. It was more than I wanted to spend, but it's a great vehicle and he loves it, so fine.

That's combined household of £24k right there!
We each had £5k-ish (rounding up) of credit card debt. So let's round it to £34k total. Plus the mortgage!
We've been working on it this year and in particular I've had to get a handle on my spending and learn to say "we can't afford that."

Millennials are just a debt-y generation I think!

So, just off the top of my head from things that have happened to friends and family.

Uninsured house damage caused by pets, £32k

Car breaks down and isn’t repairable- have you seen the price of second hand cars? 😱😱😱

Pet needs operation that insurance refuses to cover. £11k

You would need an entire catalogue of misfortune to run up £47k in debt.

First one - why weren’t they insured? And how on earth did they get into a situation where their pet did 32k worth of damage? 🫣
Second - yes, which is why I save every month for the inevitable day my 11 year old car dies or needs an expensive repair bill (2k this year!)
Third - if any of my animals needed an 11k operation and insurance wouldn’t cover it, I would have them put to sleep. Going into debt to cover it just wouldn’t be a possibility for me.

Quite possible if they have newish cars, bought furniture on credit and so on

I feel uncomfortable with more debt than I could pay back in 3 months, which is about 3.6k max. At one point I had about 15k, my salary is in the mid 40s. It is now down to about 5k.

Two people on a combined 140k, I think 45k would probably be okay as long as there was a stable income and a concerted plan to pay it off i.e. reduced expenditure, side income, target highest interest debt first.

I also think where the debt came from is relevant - planned kitchen refurb, car loan is very different to 'we just overspent on day to day and expensive holidays', and also different to one of them being out of work or having temp high childcare costs. Anyway either way it is not insurmountable. I think it can be hard to get through 30s and 40s without some debt in modern life, as wages have not risen as fast as cost of living, so you spend money you have not earned yet to buy things now - the question is whether those things were a conscious value choice and what the interest payments are.

Point them towards Rebel Finance School - I found it game changing.

We don't know they earn £140k, the OP has only said they have good professional jobs.

There was a thread the other day by someone the same age as the OPs DS who was a doctor, she earned £45k. If one of them is a doctor and the other something like a teacher, you'd say they had good professional jobs, but their incomes would add up to not much more than half of £140k.

Same here.

I was brought up to believe debt is not good and to avoid it if at all possible (mortgage accepted).
CC are fine for purchases but despite having 0% interest on ours, it is cleared completely every month.
Never had a loan as we save up to buy something. Have never got into the cycle of paying for a car (for instance) on finance only to repeat the cycle the moment to the debt is cleared.

That is how we live but I know it would not suit many. Fine, each to their own but at some point everyone needs to acknowledge their fiscal responsibility.

Of course, what is missing from the OP is context, an indication of earnings plus other outgoings could shine a whole new light on the matter.