Sister and new baby still in hospital?

[BeWarmPoet]

Sister has just had her 3rd child and has been kept in hospital for 4th night. I’m currently looking after the other 2, doing all school runs and they’ve been with me 24/7 since Monday. Her partner is still staying with her and new baby in hospital and he won’t leave until they can all leave. Am I moaning to think they all need to think about the kids they already have? They are only 9 and 6 but they keep asking me if they can go home and if daddy will pick them up from school etc. I understand she’s being kept in, but the kids have not seen either parents or met new baby even though I’ve offered to bring them to the hospital. I’m happy to have them for as long as need be!

You’re acting like she’s chosen to stay longer. There must be a medical reason why she’s stayed in so long?

If you are happy to have them what’s the problem? And without knowing why they are in hospital none of us can judge really can we

Staying in for 4 nights is not remotely normal which would suggest some complications have occurred.
Not sure if you mean to imply you're a bit annoyed by the childcare situation, but I think your sister and the baby do come first if things haven't gone smoothly.

I don’t think they are on a spa retreat

Nobody needs their partner there all the time . He needs to come home and mind his kids . Crazy !!
I had my last 3 kids alone as my husband needed to be home with the eldest two . Parents need to think about their kids, not themselves.

I’m happy to have them, it’s just they have made little to no contact with me about the kids, asking if they are ok etc and to be honest I think that is what is now bothering me. Especially when friends know more about what’s going on than I do! She was induced so the baby didn’t arrive until Wednesday morning.

Could you just ask your sisters partner to pick them up as they’re asking for their father and say you want the weekend to sort yourself out? Don’t think it’s unreasonable for parents to have their children back. Your sister should be fine without him unless she’s unwell following the birth. He can also be with your sister during school hours.

Are mum or baby very sick?
Because that is the only reasonable explanation for what is going on here.

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Do you know why they are being kept in? If it is something serious YABU. If its not serious YANBU

Is the issue that you feel envious about friends knowing more?
They can't kick you out of hospital quick enough after birth, there's obviously a very valid reason for them to be there.
The kids will be fine. My little brother was in hospital when I was 9 and I went weeks at a time without seeing either parent. My grandparents took good care of me and I understood both my parents needed to be with my brother. If I could understand that at 9, surely an adult can understand.

Your instincts are right. He should home and tend to his babies at home and then go back when he can. They could end up very distressed about them being away. I hope they all recover well.

I sent my DH home during daytime hours/after school hours to help/check on the children and then he came back to me when they were down at night and the helper took over childcare. I had a c section with our second one so wasn't exactly mobile/functional and did need the help but it was a few hours. When I was in the hospital I really missed my older one and couldn't wait to get back. I think its odd you haven't heard much at all from them, and hope everything is ok.

Poor kids. Unsettling enough to have a new sibling, but this must feel like an abandonment to them. Dad really should come and check in with them for reassurance, whatever is going on at the hospital.

YANBU. He should be parenting the children he already has! Yes, having you do some supporting, but not doing it all. How do the children feel about it?

I would imagine there’s a problem. I’d be worried about my sister.

Yanbu dad should be picking up his kids assuming all is ok with mum and baby

Are you sure that nothing awful has happened? Sepsis? NICU? No contact is weird!

I wanted DH to be with the older kids once the birth was over and he'd had a bit of time holding the baby. Avoiding jealousy and resentment and the toddlers feeling replaced or pushed out was always foremost in our minds with the subsequent babies, but even though I had caesareans I was lucky never to have a sick baby.

Hopefully everything is fine and they're being thoughtless, but until you know I'd give them a bit of grace in case something is the matter.

Yes, and the baby.

Why/how is he staying? I’ve spent quite a few nights post birth in hospital but at no point has there been space for my husband.

They need to be way more upfront about what is happening if you are doing free childcare for them. And he needs to come home and mind his own children unless both are in ICU round the clock.

You don’t know their situation, there could be quite severe complications for mum and baby and then yeah she might need her partner

Was she induced due to high bp? It can take a while to settle and her partner is presumably staying to ensure the baby is looked after and she can rest.

Unless the situation with the baby and/or your sister is very serious, he needs to spend some time with his other two kids. They will be worried and confused and need to see one of their parents. He does not need to be there all day every day (subject to the caveat above). There is no reason why he can’t take them to school and then head straight to the hospital.

Poor children. Your concern is understandable and it must be frightening for their other 2 children. No or little communication so they can be reassured. Have either of the parents spoken to the children?
I would contact them and tell them there are 2 confused and upset children who need some contact from their parents or at least one of them.

Me too. I'm really surprised at some of the comments and the post itself. Its highly unusual for the father to be able to stay overnight, 4 nights in hospital for mum and baby is unusual itself. it sounds very serious.