Really struggling with 5am starts; is it likely to get better?

[toobloodyearlyforthis]

I know children do wake up early but like a lot of things the actual reality of it is somehow different and it’s hitting me hard.

Is it likely to improve? I thought maybe with the dark mornings it would but if anything it’s getting worse - 455 today!

People saying that makes me feel worse, like I’m failing. What should I do then, ignore her crying? I’m genuinely asking as I do try to get her to stay in bed until 6 and she sort of does but keeps getting up and asking for the toilet or saying she’s scared or she’s hurt herself.

My early riser is still an early riser - even as a teen 7am is late - HOWEVER whatever time they get up, they reach a point where a parent isn't required to rise with them!

What actually helped with my chronic early riser was an alarm clock. Yes, it was set to 6-something, and so we didnt get a lie in past then, but it was like he didnt try to wake up and see if he could get up without the bell going. Groclocks etc didnt really help

TV is a massive problem here; the six year old watches it but the three year old doesn’t really, anything I put on for her she just shrieks I don’t want it after about two minutes, demands things she sees on the home page of Netflix but then demands it’s turned off then wants that same thing on again the second you turn it off and then is furious it’s the same thing.

I’ve tried all the recommended shows for children this age and she just isn’t into any of them.

What are people saying that’s upsetting you?

DS1 is almost 14 and (a) is always the first up and (b) has never had a lie-in past about 7.30am.

When he was the same age as your kids, OP, I often had to switch Tiny Pop on at 3am and just doze while he started his day.

He is diagnosed AuDHD, I think this has an impact on his sleep cycles.

As pp said; do your best to go to sleep as early as possible. The better rested you are, the more resilient and chill you will be with them; the more chill they will be. Also as another PP said ... it becomes embedded in you. I now have three teens, and still wake at 5 because it is now in my DNA. Having said that I barely remember about five years of my life when they were small because I was so sleep deprived and I absolutely hated it. It does get better. They do need you less as they develop. On the plus side, I have savoured every single night and morning I have to myself since and probably will for the rest of my life.

Oh no!! That’s tough. As much as I didn’t love getting up at 5am and watching kids tv, it saved my sanity at times. It won’t be like this forever. I know that doesn’t help today, but try to keep it in mind ❤️

this may just be the situation but also sleep begets sleep. When is the 3 y/o going to bed, is there anything you can improve on that front? Counterintuitive but if she gets to sleep earlier she may sleep longer. Can she go for a wee without you? Stern words about not waking you up pre sun or for a wee and any consequences there if she does?

You just have to survive it. It will get better.

do you have a partner / husband ? Can you take it turns to get up with them ? Especially at weekends?
What time do you need to be up during the week for school/ work?
If it’s say 7am, it’s trying to find a way to get the extra couple of hours - it’s very difficult.
I have insomnia so often have to drag myself through the day.

My approach would be that as soon as the first child wakes you take them for a wee. Then tell them it’s still sleep time and they can choose to go in their own bed or yours. Then you can at least doze with them and role model ‘being asleep’.

My kids are 3 and nearly 5. We use the yoto light. They do mainly wake up at 6:30 these days but we had long periods of 5am wake ups and it would go pretty much exactly like you describe, so in the end I decided I would go and sleep/lie on the floor in their room until the clock turned green. I used to be able to get in to one of their beds but and that was great but then we changed beds.

Sometimes they would fall back asleep, and if not at least they were lying down in the dark and I didn't have to do anything for a bit longer.

Eventually it just reset their body clock.

She just doesn't want to be by herself. This is understandable given she's only 3. Can't you bring her into your bed if she wakes early? That's what I used to do with my two. Then we would snooze until it was time to get up. I never set any rules around time because they can't control when they wake up and I don't like the idea of them lying awake knowing they aren't allowed to come out of their room.

100000%!!

Can’t she just get back into bed with you if she wakes at 5 and is scared? You’d all probably get more sleep rather than the up and down faffing which is worse. We always just did that with ours if they woke after 5. It doesn’t last forever. My child who was a terrible sleeper is currently still fast asleep and I’ll need to drag her out of bed soon for school.

Light hearted

IMO no it doesn’t improve until they are teenagers, but YOU won’t be sleeping any better as you will be laying awake waiting for the key in the door, and then when they have eventually left home and the worrying eases a bit, you hit menopause and middle age and anywhere between 1AM and 4AM is a normal time to be awake.

Sadly, I look back now and think I haven’t slept well since before I was pregnant 33 years ago. You do get used to it though.

Do you have a Toni box?

Audio books helped with company for mine.

My poor nighttime sleeper who wasn't an early riser also used audio books for a phase during the night, which isn't ideal but helped with the not feeling alone.

If they share a room that might not work, I can imagine.

My early riser used to "wake" the gro-clock hersel, but a cheap simple kitchen wall clock with masking tape marking the six worked for some reason- trying to touch it was absolutely taboo I guess, as there were other wall clocks in the house and they clearly weren't to be got down! Even my compulsive climber (not the early riser) for whom we had to remove all the furniture from his room and put the mattress on the floor to keep him safe at night, and remove the shelves from the living room book cases etc. never tried to get a wall clock down.

Worth trying different things.

My other child was a good sleeper except when first toilet trained - he didn't want a night nappy once he didn't have one in the day and was amazingly night dry as soon as he was day dry, but the massive down side was then he - my one reliable sleeper - started waking to use the toilet at 5am, only about six months after we'd sorted staying in bed til 6am with the eldest (youngest still up half the night). That was a bit shit and it wasn't as easy to convince him the day didn't start when he woke, I think because he had never woken too early before, plus he was only just 2.5. By 3 I left him to go to the toilet and back to his room without me though 🫣. Might be harder for a small three year old - potty in the bathroom maybe?

It isn't easy, you haven't failed, but there are things you can try, and everything is a phase and different in a year with kids that age...

It does get easier, my 6y/o always woke at 5, he's started waking at 7 in the last few months.
I always just kept a blanket in the sofa, would ho downstairs, give him breakfast and snooze under a blanket for 15 minutes until I felt ready to face the day.
It was never the early starts that got to me, but the method of being woken....being yelled at / him trying to put lego up my nose / poke my eyes to see if they open etc.

My son was and is an early riser. I’d the issue that they’re sharing a room? That would be trickier. From 3 or so we had a gro clock and he had to stay in his room but could read or play quietly until it went. He is 10 now and just doesn’t need as much sleep as others. Sleeps 10-5/6 or thereabouts and is a happy kid.

Let her lay in bed with you for an hour

😂😂 so true

I used to treat anything before 6 as a night time wake-up and guided back to bed. That’s admittedly easier in the winter! Black out blinds are your friend.

I would let them into my bed (VERY firm that they lay still and not piss about) if they wanted, or allow them to put a card in the yoto in their room. But I treated the wake up light on the gro clock like a god and never started the day - playing or going downstairs or TV - before it, even if it was only a few minutes.

I know how hard it is, it’s gruelling. But it does get better. Mine usually wake close to 7 now.

9-5 isn't enough sleep for little children!

Bed early that why they're waking so early.

Cut out screens for 2 weeks and there will be an improvement. Tv at 5am is just encouraging waking up. 5am is the middle of the night, lights still put, whispering and put back in bed.

Get a groclock and a sticker chart- set them up for success and set it at their normal waking tjme- 5am and then move my 10 minutes every day.

I have baby, 4 and 6yo. We have been through phases of early wakes but anything before 7am is treated the exact same as 2am- it's nighttime.

Train them not to, neither of mine liked getting up before 8am, but you need to accept they will go to bed later

My DC used to wake up at 5am. At that point they came into my bed as the world wasn’t ready yet, and we all went back to sleep. When they were very tiny they had milk before going back to sleep.

Without doing this I wouldn’t have survived at all.