Feeling flat after my autistic son’s birthday party went badly

[Favouritefruits]

It’s was my primary school child’s birthday party last weekend and it was a fun activity anybody can do, think bowling, laser tag that sort of thing. We’ve never held a party before as my son is Autistic and thought nobody from his mainstream school would come but I decided to go for it and 9kids attended!

what an absolute disaster, one child refused to participate and just sat on his phone next to his mum (why even say yes to the invite) 2 kicked off because they weren’t winning, I mean actually kicking and screaming! One little girl just sat and said she didn’t want to join in. All the parents stayed but just left the kids to it, which would have been ok if they behaved! I know this shouldn’t be a problem and it really isn’t but one guest bought him a baby toy! He’s 10! He’s autistic but not stupid or baby like! When the food came all the parents moaned it was ‘disgusting’ it really wasn’t it was just pizza and chips not high end but not inedible!

I’m so sad, I’ve spent so much money I didn’t really have (we saved up for months) for my son to have a nice normal party and I just feel so flat an empty. On the plus side I know that my child even with all his ‘extras’ would never behave in that way! I know I’m just chatting about it, I’m just sad and have nobody to talk to about it.

God people can be so awful. At least it doesn't sound like your DS was upset by it. That's the most important thing. And it is positive the children wanted to go, even if they weren't very polite!

If it's any consolation, I found birthdays get better as DS gets older. DS is also what would have been called Asperger's in the past. We've fallen into a sort of pattern of doing something of an event on his birthday usually just with one or two friends. We've done games arcades, cinema, laser tag...that kind of thing. He's happy with that.

Very glad to have left the parties behind for now !

DS was mad about Thomas but not aged 10! People are weird. What can you do.

Why were the parents even there?

I’ve had a party in the house with party games etc and one mum made loads of comments about how I did it (apparently every child should win a prize every single game so they don’t get upset i.e. hers). Guess who never bothered having a party for her children at all because she couldn’t be bothered.

At least you know from now on, you are much better off taking out one or two friends with zero parents. Some children will play up much more with a parent there.

It doesn't sound like the other kids were your son's friends, or you are the parent's friends?

For me, I hate random parties with people I don't know, or who aren't my child's actual friends.

Keep it to parents you are friends with, and kids who your son really knows. Less people, but the result will be much more enjoyable. I'd rather have 2 kids and their parents but we all get along and have a good time, then chaos with half a class that I don't know.

Don't worry about it though - I'm sure your son still had fun, and lesson learned for next birthday.

4 children , 1 with autism who just invited 1 friend for a party type tea . .none of my kids enjoyed parties and I absolutely hate them . Next year see if he wants 1 or 2 friends to come for tea and the option of games . Not alll kids like parties autistic or not . Don't be hard on yourself , you did your best for him .

I would of gone up to the parent with the child.on the phone "aww does David not want to join in? Would he rather go home since he's just playing on his phone?" So rude of the parent allowing that.

I agree with a poster on here...you are a brilliant mum! Hats off to you!

Pizza and Chips are universal kid party food! And if I went to a party and deemed any food disgusting I'd keep my mouth shut. What horrible people. I'm so sorry. I've had a party go bad and it hurts. Sending hugs.

The other parents sound really bizarre. Why on earth did they stay? I haven’t stayed at a birthday since my kid was 5 or maybe 6. Next time just invite a best friend or two, and drive them yourself. Of course pizza is normal for a kids party. Very odd.

You are clearly a lovely Mum. My youngest is autistic and we did class parties when he was small. When he got to 8 - 10 we celebrated with just him and his older brother. His birthday is early October. We have a small theme park close to us and would go early on or close to his birthday. We would take a picnic of his favourites and cake. He loved having his brother to himself and his brother was happy to take him on all the rides. I would find something special he can do with his brother next year. Solidarity OP, we had to ignore lots of parents at primary who would loudly ask in the playground as to why my son was in their (perfect) childs class - I certainly wouldn't be giving them cake - they have now shown you who they are - keep them at distance.

I wouldn’t waste money doing a party next time. I would do a nice day out with his sibling doing something fun. So many things to do and lots of experiences which are surely money better spent.

odd behaviour for 10 year olds and the parents sound extremely rude.
My son sounds similar to yours and if he has a party it is family children only. For his 7th birthday I got a bouncy castle with his brother and his cousins, he had a lovely time.

It's great for you that your child wouldn't behave that way but that may be luck. Not unusual for autistic children to become over stimulated and screm or to feel very anxious and unable to participate. I wouldn't call a Thomas Train a baby toy either. The parents complaining about the food were down right rude, no question about that. I think your expectations of your autistic child's friends are a bit too high though. ND people/children often group together, you're likely to experience a few more ND children and young people as he gets older and it will be better for your son if you are able to accept they're not always going to act like typical children their age and it's not always a sign of bad parenting when they don't.

So sorry for yours and your sons disappointment.
I saw you said never again but id encourage you to have another party in a year or two. Smaller and something you can afford. Perhaps in a park with some small silly games, borrow a gazebo, party bags. Have a friend help you/ moral support.
I think it could be quite lovely. Good luck x