Hi all, I feel so insecure in myself/relationship that I don’t want to go out anymore. Bit of a long one but really in need of support.
I’m 25 and really really struggling to not hate myself and feel insecure. My partner honestly never compliments me even if we’re going out, I’ve dressed up and made an effort I get not one single compliment. On top of this my partner has made it clear that I’m not his usual type and constantly gets at me to do things to change my appearance such as wear more makeup and have my hair straight as he says things like I look like a ‘witch’ with my curly hair.
I’m struggling when it comes to going out with my partner as I always notice him staring at women who are his type/are attractive. I understand everyone glances at people of the opposite sex who are attractive and there’s nothing wrong with appreciating someone’s beauty, but my partner will obviously stare at them/check them out till they’re no longer in view and even if the woman sees him staring at her he’ll still keep looking. It makes me look at these woman and wish I was more like them and it makes me feel really stupid and embarrassed as they’ll see that he’s with me yet he’ll still stare at them like he’s never seen a woman in his life and in my opinion it makes him look like he’s available and interested in them.
I thought the issue was only when I go out with my partner but it’s now gotten worse. I went out by myself today to do some shopping and I wanted to hide and go home. There were a lot of attractive girls around, many of whom were my partners type, and all I could think is why can’t I be like them, I’m not good enough etc. I don’t really get along with girls as in my experience they’re rather bitchy and when I was out today some girls gave me dirty looks when I was walking past them almost as if I’m below them. I’m now back home and have got straight into bed under the covers, I honestly don’t want to go out again any time soon and want to stay home.
I’ve always been somewhat insecure as I’m underweight, have absolutely no figure and I’m rubbish at doing my makeup, I look like a clown when I try to do it. But I feel it’s now got really out of control and it’s going to take over my life. I feel like leaving my relationship as I feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way. I’m about to go on a massive spending spree and buy clothes that I like but also that I think my partner would like me in as I feel like I need to do better. I also have a hair appointment on Friday to get my hair professionally dyed and straightened which honestly I’m excited about but it’s all because my partner keeps nagging about my curly hair.
I suffer with mental health and struggle to get out the house as it is due to anxiety etc so me going out by myself today was something I was hoping to feel proud about but instead I feel self conscious. I’m seriously considering getting cosmetic work done to make myself look better, I have so much going on and feel really under pressure to look a certain way. Feel like I could cry right now, just needed to get this out my system😔