Does your partner know who you vote for?

[hardshoulderr]

Do you tell them?
this came up on couples therapy and I wondered if people keep it secret.

My husband and I vote the same way, or at least on the same side of the spectrum. We both waver between Labour/Lib Dems/Green. If he voted conservative, I wouldn’t love it but I could tolerate it. If he voted for Reform/Restore Britain, I’d be seriously questioning our relationship as clearly he does not have the same values as I do.

Would massively depend on what the change was. I couldn't see someone who voted reform or restore for example not having beliefs that I clashed with on a regular basis. Someone who moved from lib dem to Labour, is less likely to have significantly changed views and feelings on things I hold strongly to.

If it was a dramatic change, eg if my husband suddenly became a fan of Farage having been a Lib Dem type, then I think we would be fundamentally incompatible and that would show up elsewhere in the relationship. I don't think the marriage would last.

Of course.

Well he knows it won't be Reform!

Yes ofc, If you’re ashamed of who you vote for you shouldn’t be voting for them
if you can’t have difficult or contentious conversations with your dh you shouldn’t be married

I couldn’t be with someone with reform ideals. We have similar but not identical beliefs, politics is imortant to me.

Yes. I think if someone feels the need to keep their vote secret from their partner, that's a sign of issues in the relationship. Obviously there will be some couples who don't know because they don't take any interest in party politics. That's different from consciously refusing to tell your partner who you vote for.

I couldn't share my life with someone who didn't have similar political views. A person's political outlook informs their societal priorities and the way they think people should be treated, which surely constitutes a huge chunk of their persona. But I guess some people aren't that bothered about core beliefs. Maybe they vote because their MP is a good laugh or because they've been promised tax cuts. In which case they probably don't care what their partner votes, if at all.

Yes I’m more vocal about who and why I will be voting the way I am. We regularly talk about politics so it’s no big secret how we politically lean. I couldn’t be with someone who voted reform for instance and it’s a hard line for me.

Yes, pretty much every one knows who I vote for. My political views are pretty obvious.
I mostly know who he votes for but he wouldn't tell me outright unless I asked.

We talk politics a lot in our house and my dh is generally on the same page as me politically. However in almost 25 years of married life I've never directly asked him who he voted in an election and he's never directly asked me either. 1) because its none of anyone else's business but your own 2) because people lie about who they vote for to keep the peace so what's the point.

If I asked I'm sure he'd tell me, but it makes no difference to me.

Thats interesting in what context did it torn up on couples therapy

Yes he does. We're all wet Lefties in our house😊

We talk about it when the elections are approaching. We haven’t always voted the same way but have tended to lately.

But how do you know who he actually votes for given it's a secret ballot ?
I've voted for all the main parties at one time of another over the last 35 years (apart from Reform/Restore) but I don't tell anyone where I put my cross - especially my very left leaning friends who would bang on about me voting Conservative.

Well you could never truly know given that it’s a secret ballot. But if he comes home and says he’s voted Lib Dem I’d believe him. Same here I’d never lie about it.

My DH has done a screeching u turn in the last few years and we are now fairly similar in our values. We weren’t when we got together though.

I mean I don't, but living besides someone, day in, day out, you can tell which end of the spectrum they fall on. My mum is clearly on the right - her comments on "boat people" and how generous benefits are tell me that. And I only see and speak to her a handful of times a year. If DH was a secret rightly, he'd have to never utter a word!

Similarly, I heavily suspect my mother knows I'm a raving lefty despite me never speaking about politics with her based on my comments disagreeing that I'm not sad they're building social housing in our new local estate and going over to my neighbours for iftar earlier this year (I'm not Muslim).

When you spend a lot of time with someone it's hard to hide your political affiliations, and if you are doing, then why are you spending time with them? (Or do you really know you should be ashamed of yourself, like the secret Nazi's).

No. Nor me him. Why would they? It is a private matter.
But I think we do generally agree on most political issues, so I suspect that over the years we have mostly voted the same, though not 100% of the time (plus we live in a constituency that has changed composition in the last 30+ years so if/when it comes to tactical voting, we might have taken different approaches).
We love in a democracy and are both equally entitled to our own views, so why would we ever fall about it? I have good friends who I suspect vote very differently to me - so what?

Yes, DH and I share who we vote for with each other. We haven’t always voted the same. My father kept who he voted for a secret from everyone, including my mother, for the majority of his life. He did finally reveal it about a decade ago. (It was Liberal Democrat).

Same here.

Yes. We don't tend to tell each other in advance or announce it, but it's come up a few times over the years naturally in conversation.

But I would never ask my partner, nor he me. We both respect each other's right to privacy because we are individuals.

Yes. I’m very centrist, and a floating voter. He thinks I’m left-wing. We often argue, although his over riding view tends to be they are all corrupt/bad as each other and he rarely votes.