Recently split from my now exdp who i believe was a narcissist (long history of gaslighting, walking on eggshells etc) and together we have 4 dc (10,9,8 and 6 for reference)
Now so far hes had our DC for a total of 8 hours which although is not ideal, I guess its better than nothing!
I am returning to work shortly and have asked him for help with the morning school runs - to be met with the following (and please bear with)
- he is unable to commit to this due to his illness which renders him bedbound each day until lunchtime however if he was still living here he would be able to do this as he could drop them off and come back and go to bed (yes his exact words)
- it is my fault i have ruined his life as he has no where to live/take the DC as i should know how having to be outdoors affects him and his illness is made worse by being outdoors
- it is my fault hes basically living out of his car
- it is my fault i have ruined our DC lives because they were in the home when I asked him to leave
- his MH - also my fault
Now I know I am not perfect, far from it and I have owned and apologised for my mistakes but we seem to continue in this pattern when I appear to be subjected to the full blame for everything with him having 0 accountability and doing the poor me performance
He has form for blaming me for everything that goes wrong in his life (another reason why he is now an ex ) however all I want for our DC is for them to have regular contact- hes been staying with one of his friends this week who live a few streets away from me and has still made 0 effort with the DC
I understand you can't force someone to be a parent but also our DC have gone from seeing him daily until very infrequently and this has had a huge impact on their behaviour and I now feel my MH is on the decline- should I be begging for him to come back so the DC are happy and he can help with school runs etc ?
I really don't know how best to move forward with everything and just wondered if anyone has experienced similar or has any useful nuggets of wisdom?