Anyone else feel like they can’t switch off without wine?

[Bumblebee2345]

Hey ladies, this is anonymous honestly because I’m so embarrassed 😞 I’ve been drinking a bottle of wine every night since around 2017 and honestly I’ve had enough! This isn’t me making excuses, I just want to know if anyone else is like me. I’m so highly strung and I absolutely cannot stand being bored, my brain is constantly on the go and I genuinely don’t know how to chill out in the evening without a glass of wine. I did Dry January this year and honestly I drove my whole household insane 😂 I’ve tried everything from working out, puzzles, watching TV, doom scrolling, keeping busy etc and nothing seems to switch my brain off.

I work 2 jobs, have a successful business, 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 husband 😂 We’re not in the best place at the moment for different reasons and even he has said if I stopped drinking it would probably end our marriage. My dad was exactly the same, so I do wonder if I’ve just picked this up from him or if I’m actually dependent on it now. I know a bottle every night is a lot and I really want to stop, I’m just scared because I honestly don’t know what I’ll do with myself in the evenings. Has anyone else been like this and actually managed to stop? 😞❤️

Used to, I’ll be 5 years sober on Monday

To answer the question in your title, no, I actually can't stand wine! Or any alcohol. Nothing goody two shoes about it, I just hate the taste. It's also a massive expense. I don't know how anyone affords it. The price of the weekly food shop is bad enough.

I do a spinning class at 5.30pm on Fridays which helps me switch off.

Sorry. That's probably not the answer you're looking for!

Probably a bottle of wine a night is the level where you can't just stop but would have to cut down. I'd recommend getting some alcohol support. How about buying half bottles (37.5cl) to start with?

Yes until I stopped drinking alcohol by accident as a side effect of Champix. Then I realised you can call it any name you like, switching off is a new one, but that doesnt make it any less serious. Now I haven't drank for years and can see the vile, life wasting, confidence destroying habit for what it is. I know the people who save the cork think its hyperbole, and it is for them, genuinely normal drinkers would never understand and fair enough. But for us who know a bottle opened is a bottle drank, it slowly drains the life out of you and I hate the bastard stuff.

I've switched to non alcoholic drinks. So I still have the 'work's over - let's pour a drink' moment, but without the alcohol. It's taken me a while to find a nonalcoholic drink I like, but I'm drinking much less.

I am the wine drinker in this family. I'm a bit of a lightweight though - rarely more than 2 glasses - 3 makes me really tired the next day. I had that last night.im shattered today.

I'm trying to cut back so it's 1 bottle a week, with a few dry days, but it is hard as I love the taste more than anything. I'm trying to eat more healthily - the anti-inflammatory Mediterranean diet - and will drink red wine only now.

We have aperos (wine and crisps/nuts) at 6pm every night and that's when I have my wine - like you a relaxing event. Tonight I'm having sparkling water.

I think the first glass is always the most relaxing and delicious one, and if you could start cutting down by just having one very large glass, that may be the way to go.

Good luck

Get some help as alcholism isnt going to help instead of mask the issues in life
I would never be ok to here someone needs a bottle to relax or get on with a partner.
How do you feel every morning?
Perhpas talk to a professional and use the relax as a time to go physically burn it off.
Living with a alcholic is quite disturbing and then the moods, habits.
All I can say is how sad for the whole family..alcholism is hereditary.

Honestly absolutely fine I’m guessing I’ve just become functioning, I wouldn’t even say I’m drunk. Maybe tipsy but definitely not drunk drunk. I’ve sent a request into turning point hope they can help.

Op can you abstain for as long as possible then switch to mini bottles ?

I'd be very drunk after a bottle of wine! It sounds like you've built up quite a tolerance. It's way over the recommended amount though and not good for you, it will start to catch up in health related problems before long. I would recommend getting some help and support rather than just trying to stop by yourself.

I can't stand the smell of alcohol. This happened when I turned 40. I drink lots of herbal teas instead. Give it a try OP. Good luck!

I’m so highly strung and I absolutely cannot stand being bored, my brain is constantly on the go and I genuinely don’t know how to chill out in the evening without a glass of wine

are you self medicating adhd by any chance? Might be worth looking into- then you may feel less blame and shame if you become aware that you are handling things that might be over and above the usual stresses of life.

In any case you are honestly trying to manage lots of challenges, it's just that the coping mechanism is bad for you in itself. Well done for noticing it and starting to take steps.

The CBD drinks like Trip and Goodrays are lovely in a glass with plenty of ice. They relax me without the booze.

Hi @Bumblebee2345 . This used to be me too. Over 2 years alcohol free now and truly do not miss it.

This great bunch of Mnetters have been an amazing support in my AF journey and you would be very welcome to join if you were interested

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5538382-the-support-thread-for-those-trying-to-lead-an-alcohol-free-life-summer-2026?page=18&reply=153530213

A bottle every night is a very high amount to drink, a bottle is usually 8-10 units, so weekly that would be over 50 units.

At that level you should get advice about stopping.

Good luck with making changes, it would make a huge difference to your health if you can stop.

I think this is very common. I’m similar. It just helps me relax

edited to add. I am not drunk after that and feel fine in the morning. Don’t feel the need to drink at other times either.

And it’s extremely unlikely you’d get withdrawal from a bottle of wine a night for the other poster!

I also have the habit of drinking every night and enjoy it, as long as I stay below the level that gives me a hangover. This level has reduced as i get older. I find it hard to stop once started, so I start at a later time. I find that switching to cider (or beer, but find cider more refreshing) at least to start eith helps, because it has less units. I know this isn't the right answer but just explaining that starting later and drinking lower alcohol (but not yet very low alcohol) drinks has helped.

Are you are not worried you might have to drive a child to A&E at night time?
Or deal with a crisis at home while drunk.

Does your whole day and the people in it, becomes an 'inconvenience' on the way to the opening of that bottle.

This was my first thought.

If you could get medical support, you mind find a drug appropriate for you would change your life.

Busy mind and can’t switch off suggests possible ADHD. People who have it are also much more prone to addiction because of the constant search for dopamine.

I realise a lot of people are bored of hearing about ADHD and think it gets used as an ‘excuse’ for lots of things, but it’s a possibility so I thought I’d mention it.

I relate to a lot of what you say (and I have diagnosed ADHD)- I can’t switch off either. I used to use alcohol to shut my brain up but realised I was causing myself much bigger problems so managed to knock the problem drinking on the head about 12 years ago. (I’m not teetotal, but I drink only a handful of times a year and only in small quantities).

Ah, I see now that in the time it took me to assemble my response, PPs have mentioned ADHD too.

Hmm a bottle a night, every night, would worry me. I drink a couple of glasses most nights, probably 2-3 bottles a week.

moderation tips

keep the wine somewhere harder to access - ours is in the cellar. Just to add a bit of friction.

pour a glass of water as you pour your first glass, and try to not pour another wine until you’ve drunk the water too. Repeat. Always have water at dinner as well as wine.

smaller glasses. I’ve just been staying with my mum, I swear her wine glasses must hold 250ml and I drank considerably more as a result. My usual glass at home is 125ml max, and I only partially fill it.

Routine - one apéro, one while cooking, with dinner.

Start an hour later. So I used to have my first glass at 5, now it’s usually 6pm.

Buy expensive wine! My mum buys cheap and not very nice wine, and quaffs it down. I tend to spend more - and appreciate it more as a result. That’s slows me down.

If you do all this, and can’t moderate, then you have a bigger problem.

Those are good tips @Mixymaxymoxy. Not to be rude but 2-3 bottles a week is still significantly over recommended amount of units though and I wouldn’t call that moderate drinking. Perhaps would be an improvement on OP’s current level though.

Are you joking? Op is 3 times over the drink driving limit every day and 4 times over the maximum recommended units every week.

Your advice is actually incredibly stupid as alcohol withdrawal can be very dangerous if not done carefully. By telling op she won't go through withdrawal you are putting her at risk!!

Thank you so much I’m gonna try! I think I’m a bit more like your mum mine is like £6 a bottle Aldi!! Also it’s definitely escalated as they have built an Aldi literally a street away 🤦🏼‍♀️ the water thing is actually such a good idea! Thank you so much ❤️