Could I have adhd? Maybe something else . Maybe nothing? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

[Whyohwhy99]

So from my other thread several people mentioned possible ADHD so i'm going to message my GP but i wanted to type everything here about how i think things i avoid etc
Incase theres other suggestions or thoughts so I can mention it to the gp. Obviously not everything mumsnet says but if i think it could make sense. So here gos.

I try and avoid people coming to my house even if theres no choice.. examples are gas checks. Theres an appointment made. I then change it to a later date. Then they come to the door and I don't answer. Then bits rebooted I avoid again. Until I get warnings. Same with electric checks. My garden door lock has broken so I can't lock it. I have left it for over a year because I don't want to let anyone in.. same with a small leak /drip under my 2nd bath. Its been like it for years. Got got any worse over time so I think its a slow drip and only when shower/bath is in use. I avoid GP as much as possible. I got really ill at one point. To the point i couldn't breath properly stand couldn't get to the toilet at some points i thought i could die. Runs deep. But i avoided GP then as well. I have got a bit better with GP as its message and over the phone. But i still get scared they may ask to see me. I was meant to go for a blood test but didn't go.

Socially i only have 1 friend its not a close friendship maybe see her 3 or 4 times. She has been in my house a few times. But i still feel worried. Which i can't explain. Shes asked me to go out for her birthday a few times. But i always say no. I can manage a 121 chat with the friend as I have known her for 19 years. If a 3rd person comes along. I instantly remove myself .

I don't like being on buses /public transport. But I have no choice some of the time.

I can't do small talk. I feel nervous and kind of get knots inside.

With other more practical things mainly in the house. I will do a wash and leave it in the machine for 2 or 3 days then i have to rewash. That can then end up in the machine longer than it should be. In the mean time more washing is piling up and I'm going in circles.

Dishwasher is simlar load it cleam it. Don't put things away. End up with dirty plates ovet the work top because Dishwasher is full of clean stuff.

Have 2 hidden bins in only put a bin liner in one so only 1 can be used. That gets full and I start using carrier bags for rubbish.

When I'm tidying /decorating/ etc I kind of do to much at once in my head it all makes sense and all straight forward. But then once I'm doing things it changes. Examples i will leave my kitchen in a mess. And go to build a bed. Then I may come down stairs for something alan key for example. But I don't keep things in normal places so this Alan key could be anywhere. So thats apart of it to I have stuff in random places.
Whilst down stairs i decide to start cleaning/sorting the kitchen. Then my mind gos back to what I was doing up stairs so then I leave the kitchen .

I think theres more to explain or a better way maybe but I can't think clearly.

So i want to explain this to my gp in a message but obviously I can't write it like this. Even though this would be my natural way. I don't know how to explain it.

This is an unnecessary comment. Op isn't being rude she is having some quite severe physical symptoms of anxiety at the prospect of interacting with a stranger.

Op make a list, it doesn't matter in what order of all the things you've said here like getting knots in your stomach, your heart racing, unable to attend social events or get on public transport. You are definitely experiencing some extreme anxiety and this may well be linked to some other issues whether that is mental health or neurodiversity, or even a physical cause, I got anxiety with very low feratin levels for example. Your gp will understand and will be able to help with the anxiety and the underlying causes. The thing that will help you is to write it all down. Then you can just hand them the list and not have to try and remember it when you are there feeling stressed and anxious.

If you are worried you won't be able to physically hand the paper over you could email it to the surgery before hand.

It doesn't sound blunt. It sounds ignorant. It is a known feature of both ASD and ADHD that a fight/flight/freeze response can be triggered. @Whyohwhy99 has been really brave by sharing some of the difficulties she experiences. The panic and overwhelm when someone comes into your safe space is a classic example of the dysregulation that people with ND face in every day situations.

Because people tell them how stupid or rude they are, people with ASD/ADHD try to 'overcome' the feelings by pushing them down. Unfortunately, the sympathetic nervous system is automatic and irrational, so it's hard to take steps to calm it down proactively. By the time someone realises they are overwhelmed they don't have the ability to calm themselves and behave rationally.

@Whyohwhy99 will have been using her rational brain when she booked or accepted the appointment, then her sympathetic nervous system kicked in when the event occurred.

@Whyohwhy99 don't let people dismiss your symptoms as rudeness. It isn't rudeness, it's panic and distress. There are ways of dealing with it, but the first step is seeking assessment so that you can be given answers as to why everything has been so hard, then either medication or CBT (or both) for your ADHD symptoms if they meet the criteria for diagnosis. Having your ADHD symptoms supported will give you more ability to cope with the difficulties that your ASD symptoms give you.

I have an appointment on the 19th. If there ends up being a diagnosis I will have answers. If not then that means I'm some weirdo.

Would there be Blood tests questions about diet or anything like that?

Sounds like social anxiety which could have a base in ASD, but even if it does or doesnt, you need some sort of treatment to ensure you can engage with the world. The isolattion probably feels safe but it is disabling.

You may be surprised to know this but this is not unusual, you just happen to be brave enough to say it. Its the reason that some of our young girls have babies young, they crave it because it becomes their mask if you like and their protection from engagement with the world (which is quite converse because you would think having children means you engage with lots of things but the child can be a barrier and protection in some ways.

It does make sense. Yeah every = Can't get a baby sitter and you can because busy /unavailable

You sound like a slightly more extreme version of me in many ways and I have AuDHD. My GP was quite dismissive when I went to him, saying that maybe I have some traits that could fit with neurodivergence but it sounded very mild to him and even if I did get a diagnosis medication wouldn’t be an option for me. But he did agree to refer me. I cried for ages after that telephone call - rejection sensitivity. I was diagnosed with ADHD and autism through RTC and am currently going through titration for medication. It did give me clarity and better understanding of myself and I’m much less harsh on myself when it comes to my social anxiety. I still haven’t told work or requested reasonable adjustments because that’s exactly the kind of thing that makes my autistic self shut down. But I’m at least thinking about what might make my work life more manageable.

People will be dismissive and say you don’t need a label, or that everyone is a bit autistic, or that everyone is jumping on the ND bandwagon. My mum rolled her eyes and told me I was attention seeking. I don’t try to change her mind, I just don’t talk to her about it at all anymore and not once has she asked me about it since I told her, or tried to understand how things have been for me. You can’t do anything about people’s opinions or inability to understand. Just do this for yourself.

Oh and I think about having a second child daily so that I could not have to work for another year. My husband won’t agree to it, otherwise I wouldn’t hesitate.

Its good that your gp referred you. And you got some answers and understand yourself better.

I am scared of the gp being dismissive. Because its taken alot to even make the appointment. And explaining is going to be really hard. If gp is dismissive or doesn't understand. It takes away that doctors will understand
I think i will just close down as well.

Haven't read all the posts on the thread so may be repeating some advice but I work in a surgery and I want to tell you that it is absolutely not weird to take a sheet of paper with some prompts written on. You could even send them via email or drop them in before so the doctor can read it. Write in it that you are worried you'll struggle to talk. And please consider taking someone with you if there is someone you trust. They just need enough information to complete the referral. Sometimes basic tests like height and weight and blood pressure. They may want to consider how they could help some of your anxiety symptoms too. I hope they are supportive and understanding and you can get well on the way to the right support 😊

There's no one to go with me. I wouldn't wouldn't want them to. Plus I'm not telling anyone.
When i contacted them through the nhs app. I wrote what I could. I was hoping that would be an opening to the conversation . But i think it will be forgotten about and the gp will say hiw can I help. Then I will be stuck.

you seem autistic not adhd. Issues need to have been present from childhood by the way

Are you scared of letting people in your house because you are embarrassed by your house, cleanliness/tidiness, or is it more to do with the social interaction? I don’t really know how to advise but it sounds like it’s impacting your life, so I’d definitely seek help.

I disagree. I have ADHD but not autism and I recognise a lot of the struggles OP has described here, if not all of them (so there's quite possibly multiple things going on).

I would also point out that while it is true that they will look for at least some symptoms to have been present since childhood, this is arguable quite an unfair bar for ADHD, and possibly autism too. Both affect executive function and childhood involves far less executive function than adulthood for most people. So of course many struggles associated with adult daily living tasks won't have been struggles when those things weren't demanded of you. No child has to manage a household or pay their bills for example.

You have to go to the appointment no matter how hard it is. The GP will have seen extreme anxiety before, people in tears etc.

Your children deserve better than this. They're potentially in unsafe conditions because you won't allow the gas safety check. You even said you had one of the children to avoid going back to work. Madness.

A diagnosis might help you to understand things but it isn't a magic wand and won't irradiate the anxiety or make you more organised. Have you considered asking for anxiety medication? It's no kind of life to be stuck inside and avoiding the world.

How did you engage with the appointments for your children OP, has this got worse over time, you said your children have a number of diagnoses, you would have needed to have quite a lot of interaction with various professionals to get that at the time, did someone support you with that?

Its peaked over the past year. There were not many appointments alot of it was waiting. Some of it was over covid so things were more quiet then. Also the focus was on ds not me.
I can interact with people when I really have to. But i find it very hard and I try my best to avoid it.

@morehairneeded
This is arguable quite an unfair bar for ADHD, and possibly autism too. Both affect executive function and childhood involves far less executive function than adulthood for most people. So of course many struggles associated with adult daily living tasks won't have been struggles when those things weren't demanded of you.

Agreed. Although I was seen, I believe, to be a bit odd as a child and teenager, I had no trouble in accomplishing tasks etc either in or out of school, as the parameters were pretty clear and didn't involve me in taking responsibility in any real sense or in decision-making.

Theres lots if things i don't remember about my childhood. From 9 to 16 I went to a special needs school. I don't know if that means anything. I have always found it hard to fit in. I think maybe i was younger than my age. I'm not sure.

There's a saying about neurodivergent people, that as children they often feel like adults, but as adults they feel like children, as in feeling unable to deal with routine adult tasks and so on.
Obviously opinions and experiences differ, but this was and is very true for me.

Why did you go to a special needs school? That understanding might help people to suggest support.

I don't know. I was just told I was going to a special needs school and a bus would pick me up. I thought it was great because I heard the word special. I never questioned it.

But you must know what your challenges were back then?

I know the academic side of it. But not fully. Because I don't know the average person whats the norm. I don't know what i should know and how i should be compared to the average person.

I know i didn't and still don't fit in. I just feel like a weirdo.

I think you need medication, in my experience in MH and working with others with ND. But your GP is your first stop to discuss any treatment plan of course