Could I have adhd? Maybe something else . Maybe nothing? (title edited by MNHQ at request of OP)

[Whyohwhy99]

So from my other thread several people mentioned possible ADHD so i'm going to message my GP but i wanted to type everything here about how i think things i avoid etc
Incase theres other suggestions or thoughts so I can mention it to the gp. Obviously not everything mumsnet says but if i think it could make sense. So here gos.

I try and avoid people coming to my house even if theres no choice.. examples are gas checks. Theres an appointment made. I then change it to a later date. Then they come to the door and I don't answer. Then bits rebooted I avoid again. Until I get warnings. Same with electric checks. My garden door lock has broken so I can't lock it. I have left it for over a year because I don't want to let anyone in.. same with a small leak /drip under my 2nd bath. Its been like it for years. Got got any worse over time so I think its a slow drip and only when shower/bath is in use. I avoid GP as much as possible. I got really ill at one point. To the point i couldn't breath properly stand couldn't get to the toilet at some points i thought i could die. Runs deep. But i avoided GP then as well. I have got a bit better with GP as its message and over the phone. But i still get scared they may ask to see me. I was meant to go for a blood test but didn't go.

Socially i only have 1 friend its not a close friendship maybe see her 3 or 4 times. She has been in my house a few times. But i still feel worried. Which i can't explain. Shes asked me to go out for her birthday a few times. But i always say no. I can manage a 121 chat with the friend as I have known her for 19 years. If a 3rd person comes along. I instantly remove myself .

I don't like being on buses /public transport. But I have no choice some of the time.

I can't do small talk. I feel nervous and kind of get knots inside.

With other more practical things mainly in the house. I will do a wash and leave it in the machine for 2 or 3 days then i have to rewash. That can then end up in the machine longer than it should be. In the mean time more washing is piling up and I'm going in circles.

Dishwasher is simlar load it cleam it. Don't put things away. End up with dirty plates ovet the work top because Dishwasher is full of clean stuff.

Have 2 hidden bins in only put a bin liner in one so only 1 can be used. That gets full and I start using carrier bags for rubbish.

When I'm tidying /decorating/ etc I kind of do to much at once in my head it all makes sense and all straight forward. But then once I'm doing things it changes. Examples i will leave my kitchen in a mess. And go to build a bed. Then I may come down stairs for something alan key for example. But I don't keep things in normal places so this Alan key could be anywhere. So thats apart of it to I have stuff in random places.
Whilst down stairs i decide to start cleaning/sorting the kitchen. Then my mind gos back to what I was doing up stairs so then I leave the kitchen .

I think theres more to explain or a better way maybe but I can't think clearly.

So i want to explain this to my gp in a message but obviously I can't write it like this. Even though this would be my natural way. I don't know how to explain it.

I can relate to that in away obviously a little different because our lives are not the same. If your at the point of burn out. Is it possible to take some sick leave from work? Give yourself a little breathing space? I hope you find the answer and support 💐

I’ve been burying my head in the sand. If I took sick leave someone else would take over my work and realise the utter chaos I am living in. I’m ashamed tbh. I feel like there’s no other way out now but to leave. However, the small glimmer of hope is that if it’s adhd - which i strongly suspect it is - my employer might be more understanding, and the chaos might settle with medication.
People just don’t understand how challenging it is living with someone like this. I live in complete chaos but hide it from everyone so nobody knows, they all think I’m making it up because i don’t let anyone in because im too embarrassed and from the outside I look fine. Anyway, I appreciate your concern it’s very kind but this is about you getting what you need,,m and right to choose is a good starting point. Best of luck to you 💐

@Whyohwhy99 put what you've written here in a letter to your GP and say that you'd like to use Right to Choose for both ASD and ADHD assessments.

Ignore anyone who says that you don't need this, or that you might be just a bit bad at something. You have very clear signs of both autism and ADHD.

You should be immensely proud that you've managed this far and raised your children despite having such struggles yourself. Now it's time to be kind to yourself and get the help you need.

Its masking pretending its all ok. Isn't it? I think when its been with you all your life you kind of don't realise because its your normal. Hopefully a diagnosis will help you. And its not just about me its about anyone who can relate in some form. 💐

Its taken me to my late 40s to realise ffs 🤣 oh well.

So I can ask for both ar the same time?; so i would have 2 separate waiting lists?

Yeah I'm not worried about people saying that stuff.

I think need to message them on the nhs app. Not sure what I can fit in. I think there may be only so much i san put.

Thank you. Its not been plain sailing but hey we are here and alive 😅

You can. Or you can write a letter and hand it in. The best thing to do would be to:

1. Go to this website https://adhduk.co.uk/right-to-choose/right-to-choose-wait-times/
2. Check each provider to see their wait times.
3. Check if your Integrated Care Board is restricted for that provider - this is very important. Each ICB can restrict assessments once they've spent £100,000 per provider, so then everyone in that ICB has to wait until the next financial year for that provider.
4. If it isn't, look to see what the process is for that provider. Some like you to fill in the questionnaire before you're referred, others just want your details.
5. Most providers have a template letter - fill it in and add your reasons why you think you need to be referred (your list on this thread is great)
6. Hand it in at the surgery - they can scan it on to their system.

Do this for both ASD and ADHD.

The GP may ask you for more details, or they may say 'this is the way we do things here' and tell you what to do, or you may just get a message to say that they've referred you.

If you want to PM me with your area, I could help to narrow down your choices, but you can see it all on the website if you want to stay completely anonymous.

I think its good to be aware of the difference between 'just rubbish' at something, and an your executive functioning/neurodiversity. I was successful at Uni, been successful in my career, been successful in demanding sports, on the face of it look super confident etc etc etc, but I sometimes can't send a one line work e mail for 3 weeks in case I've a got something wrong, I've been known to not sleep for 72 hours straight as I literally can't start writing a report ( literally can't), and stared at the xmas tree in my dining room for 5.5 months but couldn't take it out of its pot to throw it away post Christmas as I just couldn't innate the task. Exams for Uni? Awful. Couldn't begin revising even for finals until a few nights before. Literally couldn't. Not because I was lazy though. Understanding about ADHD later in life has helped me develop tools to manage these things a bit better, and also to realise the impact its had on me throughout my life. Ive been 'succesful', but crikey at some personal cost sometimes. You dont need a 'label' for sure, but understanding why things might be harder for you is about having compassion for yourself

PS feel free to DM me if that would ever help. Ive got a lot of informal support from online groups, waiting lists can be long, and sometimes just a bit of moral support can go a long way too. Just please don't ever be hard on yourself for finding it difficult to do things others around you seem to find easy.

Thank you thats really kind. I did the same with some xmas decorations they were up high and needed a ladder think it took me 2 or 3 months to actually do it. Have several things in my house half done/not finished it sounds like you have done alot of juggling with adhd? And education.

I wrote this to go

I hoping i can be referred for adhd/autism assessment through right to choose. I feel i have quite a few symptoms of theses. I avoid appointments, cant organise myself /stick to things. Loosing things. I avoid anything social as much as possible. I feel churned up inside around people. There are more things 2 of my children have autism /adhd My older son has signs of adhd but wasn't diagnosed due to not having 2 settings.

They replied saying I need a face to face appointment. Now I'm shitting it. I started crying like a twat 10 mins ago. Not now though. Any way its not for 3 weeks and I'm probably going to wind myself up the whole time. I really hope I don't cancel the appointment. I kind of wish it was closer I don't understand why they need to see me face to face. Its not even a physical thing.

It sounds quite a lot like me. I have a combination of pretty extreme anxiety and what I think is now called inattentive ADHD. It sounds like you also have a type of agoraphobia in that you don't like public transport or allowing people into your home.

I hope you can speak to the GP or a MH charity/ ADHD charity.

Heaps of juggling. The funny thing is ( I deal with a lot of things with humour when I can, but do t ever undervestimate the impacts on folk either ) I am preparing a presentation about neurodiversity for work just now, and I can't actually start it today as I'm worried that it won't be 'good enough'. That was a total myth buster for me, ADHD ( which people often associate with hyperactivity and chaos) can often co occur with OCD perfectionism. Which I have too. So, not the ' 'ooh Im a wee bit OCD as I like my pens in a straight line' OCD that was a bit trendy a while back, but the debilitating, can't sleep as this might be wrong, I have to know everything anyone gas ever written about this topic across the whole academic community in case my report is wrong, kind of OCD....taking christmas decorations down is hard ( for sone people whose executive function faces different challenges), as there are a lot of steps and transitions. I set a timer for 15 mins now, and promise myself a reward of, say going running, once the timer pings. Chances are once I e started, Ill finish. Helpful to 'gamify' things....

Please don't cancel your appointment if you worry that 'Im just wasting their time', or 'Im just rubbish at stuff' thoughts start crowding in nearer the time. That's where professionals who understand this stuff will help you. If u can get a pal to go with you, drag them along :). Right, off to try write my presentation.

What if gp thinks I'm talking crap and won't prefer or if I don't explain properly or if I cover up automatically. And also I don't show things outwardly like inside I could feel absolutely awful but outside I look like there's no issue.

I am seen as super organised and had a reputation for being 'scarily on it' when I was a school governor. I was really good at it but my goodness the effort to keep the wheels turning.

The GP will know what they are looking for and believe me, just from your threads here, I can tell you that you don't mask half as well as you think you do ❤️

I'm more open on here though because I don't have to face anyone. I'm hidden i can just spill on here. And I say whats going on in my head here. Face to face I close down.

It does sound like you have alot of pressure on you. Must be tiring. Do you worry about burn out? It becoming all to much. I don't really have that type of pressure.

I hear this a lot and to be honest I find it kinda frustrating. I was listening to a woman recently explain how much pain she was in and how docs struggled to diagnose. A health professional said to her what you just said - why do you need a diagnosis.

My view is a diagnosis (or label) is important particularly in the work context. Try telling your manager you struggle with something not yet diagnosed. A lot of managers won't take it seriously without a diagnosis. Also with something like ADHD there are meds you can try which without a diagnosis you won't be able to access.

OP - if your GP is curious you will be listened to and you deserve to be listened to.

Write a list as you have on here, you can show it to gp if too hard to read out yourself.

I feel like an idiot. But I guess I would look more of an idiot if I completely lost my words and said nothing.

It's a known phenomenon that people go to the GP and talk about something really trivial (my hand is itchy...I have a scab on my finger....) when they actually have something significant that they need help with. Trust your GP to help you.

Not sure if this is a bad thing to confess to.

But because I was so scared of going to work. I had another child so I could avoid it. When i was at work every single day it felt like my heart was in my mouth. I felt like i was in knots. If somone looked at me as if they were about to talk to me. Or walk towards me I would panic. I had dread every single day.. sometimes I had thoughts of doing something stupid.

I wouldn't show it on the outside though. But inside i was in a mess.

I'm not sure if i should tell my GP that or not. I have never told anyone before.

Face to face appointment is good. I would go without preparing anything, and see what they ask you, then answer however feels natural. You've done well getting the initial info across in the appointment request.

The only thing is if you worry you will shut down and not be able to speak, you could write something out explaining this - but would you be able to give it across if you felt self conscious?

I do think GP appointments ought to be face to face where possible. I think these remote appointments are really a problem, TBH. For anything other than a repeat prescription I feel like seeing the person is a really important part of healthcare as a whole.

Agree

I don't think i would be able to hand it over i think I will just close down. I don't like face to face appointments I avoid them. The only reason I have said anything is because it's a message once I press send i can't the it back. The face to face appointment i may just close down. Maybe not go at all. I just wish it was a phone call. I feel kind of cornered

It can be the case sometimes there's a reason sometimes not