Boyfriend doesn't want me sharing a bed with Bestfriend on trip

[okiedokieokayy]

My best friend of around 8 years (we met at uni) has been living abroad for over two years and is finally coming back to the UK next month. I've been so excited to see her. To mark the occasion and make sure we actually get proper quality time together, we booked a little countryside retreat about 4 hours from where I live. Logistics also played a part, as she's coming from visiting family and then jetting off again, so this was the easiest way to make it work. We've had this trip planned for about four months. She made the booking and I was more than happy for her to sort it.
For context, my friend and I have shared a bed completely platonically loads of times over the years. Drunkenly crashing at uni, travelling together as broke backpackers, visiting each other in different cities. It's just never been a thing. So when she booked the room it genuinely didn't occur to me to ask about the bed situation. I'd have been fine with sharing or a twin, it just wasn't a question that entered my head.
It only came up when I was chatting to my boyfriend of nearly two and a half years about the trip. Not the first conversation we've had about it, like I said I've been excited, but this time the topic of rooms came up. He'd assumed we had separate rooms and when I said no, it's one room with a double, his whole mood changed. He said he wasn't comfortable with me sharing a bed with her. I should mention here that my friend happens to be a lesbian, and he knows this. When I asked why it was suddenly an issue, he said it "just feels different" and that he wouldn't share a bed with someone who could potentially be attracted to him, so he didn't see why I would. I tried to explain that we've shared beds plenty of times before, that she's basically family to me, and that she has never once, in eight years, shown even a hint of interest in me like that. He wasn't having it.
He then asked me to at least check if the hotel had twin rooms. I did check, to keep the peace, and there aren't any available. His response was that I need to book a separate room. It's a lot of money and honestly I'm not sure I can afford it, especially for something I don't think is necessary.
The bit that's really bothering me is that I mentioned it to my friend. I told her what he'd said and after some conversation I floated the idea that maybe I should just book the separate room. She went quiet for a second and then said "erm, yeah, okay, if that's what you think's best." There was a definite tone in her voice, like she was holding something back and trying not to cause drama. And now I feel awful. I can't work out if I'm more upset that my boyfriend doesn't seem to trust my judgement, or worried that she's hurt by the inference, because let's be honest, the implication is that because she's gay she can't be trusted to share a bed with a friend, which feels really unfair on her.
I know some people here will use the "what if she was a guy" or "would you be okay with your boyfriend sharing a bed with a straight female friend" argument, and I get why, but I'm honestly not sure it's the same thing. This is someone I've known for nearly a decade with zero history or hint of anything romantic. I don't know how I feel and I don't know what to do. Do I pay for a room I can't really afford to keep my boyfriend happy, or hold my ground and risk a row? And is it unreasonable of me to feel a bit insulted on my friend's behalf?

Your boyfriend thinks that a) your friend is a predator and b) you might cheat on him. How offensive. He's a tit. Tell him you're keeping the room arrangement as it is.
And you need to apologise to your friend.

Why would they do that??

Even if DH had a secret yearning to either suck off his gay mate or be sucked off by him then they could do that any time, anywhere. They could do that tomorrow evening in the pub toilets if they wanted. They don’t need to travel to a foreign country and contrive a reason to share a bed!

Also, if they did fancy each other, then they probably would have already done that between the ages of 11, when they first met, and their late 40’s!

You're going on like it would be premeditated. It wouldn't. It would be situational and opportunistic with other factors like alcohol thrown in. It isnt about being secretly in love with each other so much as sex. Lots of people have spontaneous sex with people they aren't attracted to.

Adult women sharing a bed is less common than it was. One of the Jane Austen films has sisters huddling together in Winter in Devon. Perhaps that is added by the movie maker. My mother talks of sharing with cousin when 20 or so.
Women's friendships are different to mens in many ways. Just accept that.
I would share with a close friend. to turn them out even into the next room could seem harsh. (Slight regret not had a friend that close)
I am not surprised that man objected as a first reaction, fair enough. But he went wrong in arguing and keeping bloody on about it. You had your say Mister, she is going to share with her mate. Move on and don't raise the topic again.

This! As long as he is not otherwise controlling this seems a reasonable ask. To say it is different because she is a woman not a man is actually a bit weird. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend sleeping in the same bad as any female friends - however long they have been friends and however much I know the relationship is platonic.

I don’t think lots of people do have spontaneous gay sex when they are heterosexual. Or spontaneous heterosexual sex when they are gay for that matter.

Possibly a bit of experimentation when they are young.

Either way, you have to trust your partner. It would be a very sad (and stressful) relationship if you were to worry that your partner is going to spontaneously have sex with anyone when they’ve had a drink.

I've shared beds with female friends countless times. Especially on a group trip with 4 to 6 of us, but also just on an overnight because it was cheaper and we can sit up chatting until 2am. Not all of my friends are straight, and no one has ever batted an eye.

It was certainly perfectly normal in the 80s and 90s as twin rooms were less common, and it's no big deal. My adult daughter has friends to stay regularly and they share her double bed, and she shares theirs.

It's not a big deal between old friends. The one making it weird is OP's boyfriend - either through insecurity or a twisted imagination.

That's not the case here - they've been friends since they were 11, he's just a boyfriend. The friend has been there for the OP for decades more than her current boyfriend.

That makes a difference. If they've always shared in 30 years of friendship, it's entirely on him and his paranoia that he's trying to make them change arrangements.

You can just book twin beds. That's what my bff and I do the occasional time we go away. Saves money on two rooms without having to share a bed because why the fuck would we want to share a bed?

What part of she called and none available was confusing?

Her lesbian friend had a melt down. No female friend of mind would ever care at all if I didn't want to share a bed - for any reason. They might laugh - but get so hysterical I had to grovellingly apologise?! Wtf!

It's either nothing or it's not. They can't have it both ways.

@Velvetandleather I was referring to your "I would share with a close friend. To turn them out into another room would be harsh" - I assumed you were talking hypothetically about yourself.

But regardless if course it wouldn't be harsh 😅

Your judgement is so poor OP.
You have insulted your friend to keep him happy.

Appalling judgement.
Don't be surprised if she ditches you as a friend.
I wouldn't hesitate.

Your boyfriend doesn't want you having a nice time, is controlling and it wouldn't surprise me if this is deliberate to cause upset with your friend.

You have fallen for it and are clearly desperate for him.

You will pay dearly for putting a controlling boyfriend first.
It will only get worse.

She went quiet for a second and then said "erm, yeah, okay, if that's what you think's best."

If you think that's a meltdown, you're off your head.

Op asked to book a second room because her boyfriend thinks the friend is a pervert who'll try something on. The friend is right to feel a bit taken aback and insulted.

Aologise to her. Tell her you don't know why you made him question what you should do and spend the weekend laughing at how weird he is. Tell him he is being ridiculous and if he wants to make a big deal he had better go and have a long hard think about whether he wants to stick around as she is a permanent fixture and you won't be made to feel bad.

This.

Hilarious. Been here since before my DS was born some 17 years ago. I’m not looking to insult you. I just think your arguments seem to ping pong about a bit, hence feeling somewhat chaotic to me. I don’t think I’m missing your points so much as just not agreeing with them. The chance of a heterosexual woman having sex with a life long lesbian friend with whom she has shared a bed many many times and had no sexual attraction to or history with is categorically not the same as a heterosexual man sharing a bed with a heterosexual female friend he says he doesn’t fancy. You won’t convince me they are parallel, because they are not in my opinion. And all the arguments you’ve put forward have failed to convince me, or indeed a multitude of other PP. But it is OK for us not to agree.

Exactly.

Everyone's assuming that the boyfriend doesn't trust OP, or the friend here, and is thinking that sex is a possiblility.

What if he just doesn't like the idea of his partner sharing a bed with someone else, even if sex isn't on the table at all.

I've got an unusual (and probably very odd) perspective on this. I don't really do jealousy when it comes to sex. I'd be entirely unbothered if DP wanted to have sex with someone else, as long as I know about it ahead of time. I just don't really get jealous about it, it's just an activity, like if she went for a game of tennis with someone else.

DP is aware of this but has never taken me up on the offer. A couple of previous girlfriends did though.

I still wouldn't be keen on DP sleeping in the same bed as someone else though. It's just not something you do when you're a part of a couple. I'd be fine for her to share a bed with her sister, or our DD, but pretty much anyone else and I wouldn't really like it.

It just feels intimate in a way that sex doesn't to me. Its about sharing a space with someone that you don't share with anyone who isn't your partner or a very close family member.

If DP was in OP's position, then I'd be happy for her to go off and shag her friend all night if that was what she wanted, but I'd still expect separate beds to actually sleep in!

So I don't think OP's partner is assuming anything untoward is going to happen between @okiedokieokayy and her friend. It's not that he doesn't trust either of them. Its the sleeping that's the problem for him, not the incredibly unlikely potential sex.

Ok, so you think the OP is bisexual?

Where did she write that the friend was having a meltdown? I cannot see that bit.

If I were your friend I’d be hurt to, your mistake was even mentioning this nonsense to her.

Your boyfriend is way out of order on this one.

I don't understand your point then. OP isn't attracted to women. In your example, the two people sharing would be attracted to each other's sex (ie sexuality would be compatible). Here (and if boyfriend sharing with a gay man) the sexualities are not compatible.

So many shady replies and weird comparisons going on in this thread, as well as people tying themselves in knots to prove some convoluted point that bears no similarity to the original point. OP is presumably straight and her friend is lesbian. It would be the equivalent of her boyfriend sharing a bed with his gay friend. Straight people don’t fancy every man or woman of the opposite sex they meet, and likewise gay and lesbian people will also not fancy every man or woman of the same sex they meet. I can’t believe this needs explaining in 2026.

OP, your boyfriend is being weird, insecure and controlling. And he also doesn’t trust you. Ditch him and keep your friend.

Yeah I'm so far away from you on so many things that I can't see your POV at all sorry.

I don't think two friends sharing is "sexually charged" and I think it's a bit homophobic to feel that way tbh.

Your comment about wanting a man with the "budget" for his own room is... well. I would rather a man who is a good friend and comfortable with his mates (including gay friends) than someone with a credit card.

And lol no I don't think most women's "biggest worries is a husband being tempted to stray on a night away". I don't worry about that. I don't worry about him getting jumped by the gays either. Maybe you need to aim higher in your male partners?

Yes, your perspective is very unusual and odd. Absolutely no judgement from me, but given that you have such an idiosyncratic outlook on what it means to be faithful it's kind of pointless you commenting here, and suggesting that what OPs partner is worried about is the intimacy of sleeping and not the possibility of sex. Perhaps there's a 0.05% chance he shares your extremely unusual views. But much more likely he doesn't