DD refuses to be in photos

[Bellini12]

I do love photography but for the record I’m not one of those that snaps away at everything nor puts it on social media! I know there is a time and a place. But DD (20) refuses to have her pic taken eg on a family day out and often kills the mood (it’s only for my memory bank).

Today I was at a local festival with her as something fun to do, other DD is away with her dad seeing a band and text a pic to me of them so I wanted to return one of the both of us but she absolutely refused - it was just to send to her dad/sis. Kept on faffing with her hair, got very stroppy very quickly. It ended up in a row as I just can’t understand why? Says she hates the way she looks (she’s stunning). I could scroll through all my pics in a year and there is ONE of her on her own.
I don’t post to SM (if I did - rarely - I would ask permission) yet she takes 20 pictures of herself a day (unflattering ones) and sends them on Snapchat to her friends. I don’t get it!!!

Photos make me happy, I love scrolling through my memories of holidays etc and feel sad she is missing from them.

Photos make me happy,

Good for you OP. Do you not realise everyone doesn't feel the same? Why can't you respect how your DD feels ?

Respect your daughter’s wishes. I hate photos of myself and seeing myself looking like shit on a day I was enjoying ruins it for me.
My DPs family want photos of everything and it just makes me feel rubbish and so self conscious to the extent that I now avoid these occasions.
Stop pressurising her and enjoy the time with her instead. Let her enjoy the day and the memories

You don't need to take photos of her to have memories. Leave her be.

Sounds a bit like you’re killing the mood - not your DD. Can’t you just respect her wishes instead of making it an argument and spoiling the day.
Photos might make you happy, but they clearly make your DD unhappy. Is your happiness more important than hers?

Perhaps because it only applies to photos the OP wants to take, if you read the bit about her DD being a prolific poster on Snapchat? If the Daughter didn’t want any photos at all of any kind taken of her then fair play, but that’s not the case.

Unless there’s some backstory we don’t know of the OP taking photos ‘just for her’ but then sending them to her mate at work or putting them in a photo book or using them on a Christmas Card then the DD is being unreasonable here.

It's a pity but you have to respect her wishes.
My teen DD won't let me take photos of her. Last one was in the pandemic.

To be honest, if you’re sending on social media like snapchat they have timers and disappear.

They’re not permanent in the same sense and she may feel more comfortable - does she trust that you won’t put them anywhere?

I felt quite insecure as a teen and hated photos - in fact, years later I still hate them!

And her mother calls the photos that she chooses to send to her friends - on a platform where they will disappear- “ unflattering “. Hardly the way to get buy in to indulge the OPs love of taking photos

Well you are right I did miss the bit about Snapchat. But that doesn't alter the fact that OP's DD has every right to feel how she feels.

Sending her own photos to whoever she decides to send them to is her being in control. And totally different from somebody else taking photos of her and doing what they want with them.

If OP is reluctant to respect her DD's wishes as regards photos perhaos OP is reluctant to respect her DD'S opinions on other things,

@Bellini12 It only kills the mood because you are trying to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. She has a right to make that choice, you just have to respect it, not understand it. Leave her alone or she may stop going out with you.

DS2 (19) hates having his photo taken. So we don't take them. It used to drive my Nannie up the wall because "I'll be dead once day and you won't have any photos of us". She did die, and he isn't bothered about the lack of photos. He's just not sentimental in that way.

Yeah i obviously need to respect her decision more and get over it.

I think that as it’s such a nothing thing for me I can’t understand why it’s not for her (when she will pose for friend’s photos) esp when it’s just a spur of the moment for her dad/sis and nothing else.

The Snapchat pics ahe takes are unflattering! I would never diss her like that, she’s beautiful! They pull faces, poke out tongue, hair wet, funny angles etc. All is fine and fun for mates - but won’t do it for a personal family pic.

I never post to SM or family WhatsApp’s or show people at work. I do respect that.

It’s her prerogative and you have to respect it.

I have a sister who refuses to be in photos. I think I have one photo of her and it’s 20 years old.

Lots of people hate photos and won’t be in them.

she’s not unusual.

My sister is the same. I feel sorry for her kids, they'll have hardly any photos of them with their mum.

I feel for you @Bellini12my DD is just like this. PPs say you just have to respect her wishes, which of course you do. Doesn't stop you feeling sad about all those photos you won't have to look back on in the coming years.

God I'm so sick of the photo people. Everyone everywhere snap snap snap. You can't walk down the street without someone posing and preening and getting huffy if you just reasonably walk along living your life. Someone told me off for opening my own front door last week.

Why can't they just leave us all alone. Try living life and just experiencing it fully in that moment. No need to perform it constantly for this imaginary audience.

I'm really over it! I used to just try to ignore it but it's relentless. Why are photo people so insistent on taking pictures all the time and so unaware of the total imposition this behaviour can actually be. A mystery of modernity.

You can’t force a grown woman to take part in your photos. Maybe she’d rather you were more present in the moment.

The difference with Snapchat is she's taking the photos and has the final say over them - she doesn't when you're the one being the photographer.

Compromise and ask her to send you some of the ones SHE takes.

I had that argument with one of mine. I pointed out that one day I will only have photos left when they are busy living their life at the other side of the world. So I can get a couple of pics from time to time 😂

@Molm I do actually agree with you! It’s insane how people stop to take pics all the time in inappropriate moments etc. But this scenario was in return to a pic her sis had just sent me (we were both at different festivals at opposite ends of the country) so wanted to share it with them. I know her dad/sis would have enjoyed seeing a pic of us as we’ve not seen each other in 3 days. That’s all. We were on a picnic blanket in a field not impacting anybody’s enjoyment or personal space.

@Blimms i was present. The phone didn’t come out again for the rest of the day. I was merely wanting to reply to a picture text I had just been sent. It was very spur of the moment and would have taken seconds!

But I will defo think twice now. Doesn’t stop me feeling sad that my beautiful daughter hates seeing pics of herself. Which is why I was trying to wrap my head around why she can take dozens of pics of herself for her mates but not for me.

But you know she doesn’t like photos. So why ask? And, having asked and been told no, why keep at it until it turned into a row?

At a certain point, it becomes a respect issue. You don’t need to ‘understand’ it. And it’s not even about the photos. If someone tells you they don’t like something, just don’t do it to them. And don’t keep asking.

It sounds like you’re spoiling the mood for her.

It’s not about what makes you happy when you’re repeatedly asking someone to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Just leave her be and stop trying to force her.