Pregnancy and vaping. Would you say something? If so, what?

[QuercusAlba]

DH and I are currently visiting DS and DDIL. They’ve announced DIL is pregnant. This is our first grandchild and I’m so pleased and excited.
DIL, however, is vaping. A lot. This clearly is not a good or healthy thing for the baby.

Would I be verging into terrible, interfering MIL territory if mentioned that it would be better if she stopped? Is there a tactful way to approach this, or should I stay out of it?

Well done op ! You will be a good mil if you can be quiet.

My mil attacked me for eating some chocolate whilst bf and yet my general diet was excellent that and many other comments led to relationship break down

Have you considered she could be vaping 0% nicotine?
Have you considered whether she is or isn’t, it has absolutely nothing to do with you?
Already trying to push concerns on “your grandchild” doesn’t bode well for how you’re going to judge this poor woman when she becomes a mother.
What’s next?

”My DIL doesn’t understand that breast is best…”
”My DIL won’t stop co-sleeping…”
”My DIL is baby led weaning despite my concerns over my grandchild choking…”

Not your body.
Not your baby.
Not your decision.

What would be the problem saying ‘is it ok to vape in pregnancy?’ in faux naïveté?

She vapes ! Not ideal but it's all swings and roundabouts and no one has ever done things perfectly I can assure you.
I'm 100% sure there will be things you did that are now classified as bad and out of date.

I didn’t say ‘my body my choice’ I said the unborn baby is part of its mother, who is not an incubator, so the grandmother doesn’t get a say. Read up on vaping in pregnancy on the NHS website and excessive alcohol in pregnancy and you will see the guidance is different. The thread isn’t about how the pregnant lady should behave, it’s about whether or not OP should say something, and the answer is no in my opinion.

As everyone keeps forgetting

Again, maybe read what I’ve actually written?

Not once did I say “BUT it’s my grandchild”.
Nor did I say or even imply that I had any say or authority here whatsoever. I absolutely don’t.

I have used the word “grandchild” once, but only to refer to my relationship to the unborn baby.
Obviously I’m more concerned about this than a random vaping pregnant woman.

And once more for those at the back: I’ve said NOTHING to DIL, and following the sensible and well meaning advice here I realise it’d be a bad idea, so I won’t.

Still, I do still seem to be the MIL from hell to the thought police some posters just for having concerns

You’ve said grandchild several times and it was the ‘looking for advice for my concerns about my grandchild’ stuff that people are referring to. You’ve said you aren’t that bothered about your relationship with your DIL but are about the health of ‘your’ grandchild. Your view of how you see this child as ‘my grandchild’ above her baby come through in your posts. I’m glad you’ve listened to the advice not to speak to her though

Some people really do just like to pick a fight on here for the sake of it.

Why is it an issue if the OP says this baby is her grandchild, it is.

Why is it an issue if the OP is worried about the health of the baby due to its mother vaping, that’s completely justified.

I would be worried about my next door neighbours baby if I saw that the mother was pregnant and vaping so yes the OP is completely normal for being worried about her son’s child.

It’s not ‘picking a fight’ anymore than you are, OP posted asking for opinions on a discussion forum and that’s what she got, people aren’t all always going to agree with the OP, and wanting a say on what another woman does with their body is controversial.

No I said it ONCE in relation to me. ONCE.

Also used it once more in a general statement about those who seemingly - from these comments - think their future relationship with their hypothetical grandchild is more important than the health of said hypothetical grandchild.

And why have you written ‘looking for advice for my concerns about my grandchild’ in inverted commas? I never wrote that anywhere.

“people aren’t all always going to agree with the OP”
I came on asking a question and to get advice, not making a statement, so what is there to disagree with?
“and wanting a say on what another woman does with their body is controversial”
Utter garbage based on nothing. I don’t want or expect to have “a say” and have no power whatsoever.
I wondered if I should express concerns. I’ve concluded I shouldn’t.

I’m done with this thread: people are making stuff up and saying all sorts that are not remotely true. They are picking a fight.

Many thanks to those who posted sincere advice in good faith. It has been very helpful. 🙏

Wtf? Because someone vapes ?

You said “just looking for advice on handling my not unreasonable concerns for my grandchild.” So yes I removed a word but yes you did say that.

And asking if you should say something is literally wanting to have a say. I have not made anything up, we don’t agree on everything but I am not a lying, I shortened your quote very slightly because copy and pasting on the app is a faff so I typed it shorter.

Oh my God, if my MIL had started lecturing me about health when I was pregnant I would’ve zoned out entirely.

Just leave her alone. Hopefully she will stop. Maybe she won’t. It’s not your pregnancy or child. Beak out.

Absolutely batshit! There is going to be a massive class action lawsuit in the not too distant future just like there was with cigarettes when gp’s were telling pregnant women to smoke for their pregnancy nausea etc and women allowed to smoke on maternity wards! Vaping is actually worse than smoking as it damages the lungs and heart but any idiot knows that the lungs don’t like breathing in water and smoke and chemicals! So really no excuse for being so stupid as to carry on vaping