What name and title would you use in my shoes?

[Wirkwirk]

I'm of a generation and demographic where taking your husband's name was exciting and girls would practice their new signature with new boyfriends 🤣

I don't think I'd do it now, that said, I do/did like having the same name as my DH and DC so I'm not sure what the solution would have been.

So DH is long deceased and I still go by Mrs DH. It's been my name for many decades now and is the name I share with adult DC.

Life has moved on and I have a new DP, who I will never marry, but sometimes it does feel odd to be referred to as Mrs, especially in his company.

I know people will say no one uses titles, but when you're aware of it (and maybe when you're older?) you'd be surprised how often it comes up.

Could you use your mum's maiden name? Mine always regretted losing hers as was, at the time, still required in my home country.

I've always been a Ms and in around 70% of the circumstances you mention they call me Mrs regardless, I assume because I'm a woman over 40.

Except for the bank my mortgage is with who stubbornly refuse to accept me as anything but Miss, despite having been married longer than I've had a mortgage with them and never having used that title in the UK. The steadfastly refuse to be told.

I've always been Miss ClawsandEffect. Single. Married. Divorced.

It's who I am. It bears no relation to my partner. I'm me. He's him.

I don't think taking a mans name was ever an exciting idea to me and I certainly never practised a signature with a man's surname. I'm almost retirement age so it isn't a generational thing. I think maybe it's just an @Wirkwirk thing. But even in your shoes I think it'd be more important to share your children's name than a man who isn't necessarily going to be permanently in your life.

I'm remarried and I still have my exhusband's surname because it's my name too. I had it longer than I had my maiden name. I go by Ms exh name. It is the same name as 2 of my 3 children, and 2 of my grandchildren. That's more important to me than having the same name as my husband (even though we have now been married for 15 years) ☺️

In your situation as a widow, I would still use Mrs (DH's Surname). I don't think it matters that you have a new partner and still use Mrs.

I'm divorced with adult children but I use Ms (exDH's surname) as I wanted to keep the same name as my children.

A friend chose a new name from a branch of her family.
I’m still married, but increasingly irritated that I have his name rather than my name. I’m thinking of changing back at some point.

I would stay as you are, it’s your name now as much as your late DHs

My title is actually Dr but I use Dr and Mrs depending on the occasion - title doesn’t really bother me

It's incredible that in this day and age, women still take their husband's surname when they get married.

I'm similar to you. I've had my first married name for nearly 30 years and like the name. I haven't taken current husband's name as it is quite unusual and not particularly nice, so I just use Ms Ex H's name.,

It seems to be more common than it was back when I got married in the early 90’s. The vast majority of women in my social and work circles kept their names. I’ve noticed in the place I work it’s the younger women who change their names while us oldies didn’t. Most women I know use either Ms or Dr.

After first marriage ended in divorce, I chose to go back to my maiden name - no legal process needed for name change as that's the name on my birth certificate. I used Miss as personally I hate Ms.
Second marriage I stayed Miss Maiden Name as I actually like my maiden name, and at the time had just lost my Father and felt the need to still bear his name. Second husband deceased.
Now married for third time and I have changed Miss to Mrs, and added my husband's name on to my maiden name so I retain my own identity but also have my husband's name.
Go with whatever works for you. Nobody bats an eye-lid now about different surnames, and many women are choosing to retain their own identity. I have two friends whose husband's took their surname on marrying, to ensure a chetished family surname continued on to another generation.

I generally don’t fill them out unless compulsory. I’ve been Ms Myname since birth (married 20+ years) so wouldn’t ever have any cause to be changing to anything else.

I’m staggered that in 2026 women are still identifying themselves in a way that stems from being literal property of men. It’s a tradition that belongs in the past.

Now married for third time and I have changed Miss to Mrs, and added my husband's name on to my maiden name so I retain my own identity but also have my husband's name.

Did husband add your name to his as well? You’ve fallen for the patriarchal “women’s marital status should be clear for all to judge” by using Mrs. Just wondering if he did anything to similarly acknowledge you.

The term maiden name gets my feminist heckles twitching, too.

Horrible, when you think of it.

And there is no male equivalent. I suppose men who take a spouse’s name could be said to have had a ‘bachelor’ name but bachelor and maiden are by no means equal in meaning, nuance or implication.

Original name. First name. Former name. We have choices.

All the younger ones at work want to be Mrs when they marry. Maybe it's a backlash as the women choosing to marry are making a definite choice these days, as opposed to earlier generations who just did it, but didn't take it as seriously. A doctor I know uses Dr Maidenname at work, but Mrs Marriedname at other times. Some don't mind Ms for now, but others say there's no point using a title at all. I can see the argument, but get why some people like titles like Dr, Lady, or whatever.
Really don't like hyphenated names, personally (how many generations does it go on for, and how long would the names get?) and names have always been from the male side, so unless you make up a new one, you're still keeping a male name, albeit your dad's/grandads instead of your husband.

I’ve been a Ms for as long as I can remember, always will be. Kept my maiden name even though it means nothing to me (absent father) - no man ever takes his wife’s name because it is “nicer” or not associated with their shit dad, why should I?

DDs have my name.

I still get called “Mrs” sometimes, but then school often called DH “Mr Myname” even though his actual surname is clearly on their records!

But respectfully, who cares what it says on the carpet fitter’s form? It’s a one-off written interaction which has no particular importance, I mean, when I buy tickets for the ROH online, I sometimes choose ‘Admiral’ from the drop-down title menu. Doesn’t everyone?

There are whole towns in Spain, where double barrelling children’s names is the norm, where they have 1024 surnames each now through marriage. Totally unworkable.

/sarcasm

You've just demonstrated beautifully the misogyny of this whole thing. Names only come from and belong to men: women are merely borrowing them and having any sort of connection to one as one’s own is a mere folly. WOMEN! KNOW YOUR PLACE!

DH has been called Mr Myname since our honeymoon.

Will people stop doing the faux-naive thing about a child using both parents’ surnames? It gets absolutely wearying. No, no one has ever thought this before. Spanish and associated cultures are paralysed from reciting their 45k names apiece and have all decided to use numbers instead…🙄

I’m Mrs late husband’s name-new husband’s name. Yes it’s old fashioned, but it connects me to people who matter to me. I’m not in an industry where it matters.

I think you should do a Ph.d in something that interests you and then you can be Dr!

I have my previous husband’s name (took it because it’s what we did in the 1970s). I divorced aforementioned husband after 29-years. I had that name longer than my previous one and it was my professional name, so I decided to keep it. I have been a Ms for as long as I can remember though. I have been married again for the past 11-years. I still use the name because it feels like my name.

Me too

Amen to this.