What name and title would you use in my shoes?

[Wirkwirk]

I'm of a generation and demographic where taking your husband's name was exciting and girls would practice their new signature with new boyfriends 🤣

I don't think I'd do it now, that said, I do/did like having the same name as my DH and DC so I'm not sure what the solution would have been.

So DH is long deceased and I still go by Mrs DH. It's been my name for many decades now and is the name I share with adult DC.

Life has moved on and I have a new DP, who I will never marry, but sometimes it does feel odd to be referred to as Mrs, especially in his company.

I know people will say no one uses titles, but when you're aware of it (and maybe when you're older?) you'd be surprised how often it comes up.

I think carrying on as Mrs Late-Husband’s-surname is fine if that’s what you prefer. If anyone queries the different surname to
your current DP it’s really none of their business.

It’s your surname too now so I wouldn’t worry about changing that.

I would personally use Ms (and always have, pre and post marriage) but I imagine that might also feel strange for you if you’ve been Mrs for however long! I would also guarantee no one else is giving it as much thought as you.

I’m sorry about your husband.

I changed my name when I got married (liked his name better than my father's and wanted same name as him and kids) but I never liked Mrs so I am Ms DHLastName.

I'd keep the last name you have now (it's yours and part of your family identity), but drop the Mrs.

I got married when I was 18, and I was Mrs. B for 33yrs. Everything in my life is in my married name and I like my name. It's a pretty name I think.

I am in the process of divorcing my husband, and I have a new partner. He has said that when we marry he would like me to use his name. But I am in a quandary about it. I like my name, I have been Mrs.B for the majority of my life. At the ripe age of 52, changing everything over just feels daft to me.

I also changed my name when I got married many years ago; most women still did back then and DH has an unusual last name which I liked more than mine.

I go by Ms though, not Mrs. Whatever happens in my life I will always keep DH's last name as at this stage I've had it longer than I had my original last name.

unless you are a teacher i cant think of any professional or social situations where someone would use your surname?

I would keep your surname as you’ve had it so long and it’s part of the life you had with your husband, but use Ms. rather than Mrs.

I’m still a Miss and still have my Dads Surname. Have been married and divorced but never changed my name or title.

I would just use Ms YourName.

But I have been Ms since I was a teenager, can't be doing with my title signalling my marital status.

Your name is your name - I have strong objections to women re-labelling themselves with a mans name in each new relationship.

But you have had your name so long, it is your Dcs' name, just keep it.

But its also your choice and OK to use Mrs if you prefer.

This is interesting. I separated from
husband a year ago and am starting to feel like I no longer want to be ‘his name’ although I have used Ms for years anyway.

But I also have a new partner and we will likely marry - I don’t know if I want to take his name either.

And I don’t like my maiden name. So I’m not sure what to do really. It could be a few years before I’m divorced and so more before I remarry - I don’t really want to still be ‘his name’ for all that time. Gah.

As I said, maybe it's something that you only notice when there's a reason to or maybe it's something that's reserved for older people, but the carpet fitter that came yesterday called me Mrs, the GP receptionists and the bank always call me Mrs, even Travelodge receptionists.

I can't imagine why it would come up in verbal conversation with anyone?
And if someone is calling you that it's only because you said that was your name.
Can't you just be Ms same surname? Or just only tell people your first and (if needed) last name?

But if it's because your new partner doesn't like hearing somebody say 'Mrs x' when addressing you then they really should grow a pair.

Usually (like the carpet fitter example) it's because you've filled a form in which asks for a title

I’m another one who changed their name when I got married in my early 20s I was divorced by 30 and had two kids with his name . This is nearly 30 years ago now he died a few years ago so I have my dead ex husbands name ! It’s my name now, I use Ms not Mrs .I’ve had it more than half my life it’s a nice surname and most people only know me by this name I don’t think of it as another person’s name .

Yeah that's fair enough. I'd just go with Ms as the title personally. But it really is up to you!

@EssCarGo I was in a similar situation - took xh's surname then got divorced. After a few years I felt it would be healthy to change it as I was struggling to let go (the split was not my choice).

Didn't want to go back to abusive father's surname, so I chose a new one, the name of the place I was born. Also took the opportunity to change my first name as I'd never really liked it.

Did all that just before turning 50 and everyone was great about it. There's a hell of a long list of places you need to tell though, and it's a right pain changing your email address everywhere.

Age was my first thought, as you've mentioned you're older.

I've never been in your shoes, but I think it's fine to take the most faff free option. If you want a change, title is easier, maybe try Ms out for size and see how you feel? Albeit you'll probably still get Mrs anyway, people can be both genuinely and performatively thick around the use of Ms.

You can change your name to anything you like! Would your DP also like a change?
I hate my partner's name, he hates it as it was his father's name who he depised, so if we get married, he would change his name first then we would marry and I would take on his new name. It's actually quite exciting to choose 'our' new name together!!!

I was married but changed back to my maiden name once divorced.

I would probably start using Ms rather than Mrs but I wouldn't change your surname, especially if you have grown children with the same name. I think it would be more strange to go back to your maiden name after all those years and somewhat disrespectful to your deceased dh/childrens father

I’m married and have always gone by Ms, including before I was married. So that’s what I’d use in your shoes.

And they will do that even if you decide you want to change to Ms. So it depends on how bothered you are about your title whether you would want to challenge this.

Same. Now on 2nd marriage.

I'd go with Ms and keep the same surname too. I've kept Ms Ownname through 25 years of marriage but have found that I still get referred to as Mrs Ownname from time to time, I've given up correcting them.

Continue using Mrs if you want to continue identifying yourself as your late husband's wife. If not, change it to Ms.

Has your new partner actually asked you what you want to do about your surname should you marry him?

Unless he is happy that you and you alone make this decision, you might want to reconsider whether you actually want to marry someone who's not prepared to take your point of view into account.