Am I wrong to be miffed about BF's minor change of plan?

[Shewas]

We don't live together.

He was going training with a friend last night and had arranged to come to mine afterwards for 8:30pm. No real plans probably watch TV.

I was doing some gardening packed everything away to come in ready to be showered for 8:30pm. Check my phone and there's a message saying they've bumped into another friend and are going for a drink. He will be at mine for 9:30. So I had an hour to kill.

Obviously I can find something to, but if I'd known in advance I'd have stayed in the garden. If I'd known beforehand, I'd have said go and have a nice time, I'll see you tomorrow.

It's not that I'm gutted to have to wait an hour to see him, it's the changing plans for a better offer and the assumption that I have nothing better to do than wait for when he decides to turn up.

The friend they met has all the gossip which was of course been shared, I'm glad he saw his friends and would have been very happy for him to spend the whole evening with them, but not with choosing to change our plans to do it.

I should say he is very reliable and would never do something like that without letting me know, and he is keen to see me, hence coming after training.

If you'd taken your phone into the garden, you would've known sooner 🤷‍♂️

But why on earth did you think you needed to prepare for his arrival, pack your gardening tools away, shower, and sit in the house waiting for 8.30, especially if your only plans were watching tv — it wasn’t as if you had a dinner reservation or something?

Most people would have just kept gardening until their boyfriend actually arrived, so no hanging around waiting etc.

So when did he message? I don’t think this is his problem.

Who checks their phone while they're gardening? The whole point is to get away from gadets. And it doesn't change the fact he changed plans for a better offer.

No, if I knew someone was coming over I would of been showered and ready for them arriving. Otherwise what the bf is just sitting around while she has a shower after gardening?

I didn't wait for 8:30. I planned to be ready just in time for 8:30, and he didn't turn up until 9:30.

You'd have waited to shower until after he arrived?

He messages about 40 mins before he was due to arrive. I didn't see it until I was about to get in the shower.

Agree it's a bit annoying but if he doesn't make a habit of this kind of thing i'd let it go. He didn't obviously know he was going to bump into the friend either. How long before 8.30pm did he message?
Although on the other hand if he does this again I would definitley be saying lets leave it tonight, I'll see you tomorrow. You don't want him thinking he can just rock up whatever time of night he likes, that's a booty call!

Yeah, it sounds minor but it would piss me off too. You've ended up twiddling your thumbs while he's been having a lovely time. He should have stuck with his commitment - or actually phoned you earlier to talk it through with you. And now you can't trust that he wouldn't do that again as he's been thoughtless with your time and it makes you sound petty. I don't know how you avoid this really. Do you have another hobby that you could have picked up until he arrived? Reading or something like that? He shouldn't have done it though really...it might be a bit different if you lived together but you were expecting him as a guest and had got prepared for his agreed arrival. It's rude.

I really don't think this a big deal. He turned up at 9:30 like he said he would, it's not like he left you waiting all night then turned up pissed and you say he's usually reliable so it seems like a complete non-issue to me!

He was only an hour later than planned. I’m not sure I could get worked up about that to be honest.
How old are you and how long have you been together? I can imagine I might have been a bit miffed in my late teens/early twenties before we were too serious but I wouldn’t care now.

If it dings you can take two seconds out to read it.

What’s wrong with changing plans when something unexpected comes up? If you had a restaurant booked that would be unreasonable of him, but he was just popping round to watch telly.

If you’d showered earlier and not done any gardening, just say read a book, you’d have got his message and I assume not have been particularly bothered about the fact that he wouldn’t be at yours till later?

I think you are being totally ridiculous. An hour is nothing. It wasn’t a special dinner you prepared. If my partner was this much of a stickler with such casual plans they’d be my ex.

Just as well, if you were often so casual with my time, you'd be my ex too.

He was an hour later.

This is hardly “change the plans for a better offer”
Jeepers if I had been so rigid with H when we didn’t live together we, quite rightly, have not stayed together long. Either side.

Look at it the other way, he sent a message as soon as he knew, to give you plenty of time to not alter your very regimented timings for an evening doing not much at home. How was he to know you wouldn’t see it. Plus he turned up a bit later with lots of gossip to share making your evening surely more interesting.

And really putting and getting granting stuff away, how long does that take? Couple of minutes at most? I can get out/put away a mower, strimmer, bucket with snipers, trowel, brush, gloves, string watering can and wind extension lead up in under 3 minutes. And get clippings into compost.

I take it you didn’t express your disappointment directly to him because you know you would’ve sounded unhinged. Because if it’s as important to you to make a post about it perhaps he needs to know.

This is honestly so small in the bigger picture of things. Let it go. If something like this gets under your skin you are never going to be able to cope with a long term relationship of any sort, Plans change. People make mistakes. Life goes on.

It wouldn’t occur to me that I needed to shower in advance of someone’s arrival to watch television, no. If I was enjoying the garden, I would have been there when my visitor arrived, yes. Would I have been ‘checking my phone’ while gardening? No, but I’d have it in my back pocket and read a text if one arrived from my boyfriend, so that I wasn’t wasting my own time sitting in my house waiting!

It's long gone. Discussed, apologies and nice evening had. I don't think I was wrong to point out it was disrespectful of my time though.
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Are you an unusually rigid person?

LTB 😆

This would barely register with me. Although I probably would have told him to stay out with friends and see me another night rather than hang around for him.

You sound like really hard work tbh.

I think expecting him to come to your house just to sit and watch TV rather than spend time with a friend he's unexpectedly seen is disrespectful of his time. He gave you loads of notice, not his fault you ignored your phone. You sound quite rigid.

Exactly. I was meant to get home at 7.30 last night but was having an unexpectedly fun time so got home at 1am. My husband didn't care because he was happy I was having fun and is capable of entertaining himself.

But it wasn’t disrespectful

You said you would’ve said no worries have a nice evening if you had seen the message.

As you didn’t you took the hump, decided he was disrespectful (and regardless it isn’t no matter how you look at it) and made him chat it out.

It was you not seeing the message that got you into this spiral. Nothing he did.

It’s not endearing to be this uptight @Shewas it’s quite boring you know.