DD says she has felt anxious and sick for two weeks how can I help?

[LadyInRainbow]

DD 15 has always been a very laid back child, tonight had a total meltdown saying she’s been feeling sick and anxious since we back from holiday 10 days ago, 24/7 unless she’s with her friends and distracted, says she’s not been sleeping though this isn’t true, she’s out like a light. She says nothing is wrong and nothing is actually worrying her she just feels worried. I offered suggestions of mindfulness, exercise etc but says nothing will help.

Kicking myself as just yesterday I said how weird it was to have a non anxious child as an anxious person.

No idea how to help her

Anyone?

This might be completely far off but could she be pregnant?

Is she waiting for GCSE results?

The best person to ask is her. Try not to fix or counter what ever it is but listen to her. So if she is saying that she is having difficulty sleeping try not to say " but you were out like a light last night". Instead ask her if there is something that is causing that.... It may not be specific and
It may seem trivial to you. Sometimes the reason they give it is an opener to see if you can be trusted - she might be checking if you are going to keep her council or discuss it with your friends. She may be concerned that you are going to be angry or dismissive. Give her space and become the person she can trust. I know from experience that it is easy to say and very difficult to do.

No one on an internet forum will be able to give you the answers.

I don’t think so

I think that’s what’s frustrating her the most is that she doesn’t seem to know either. I did get frustrated last night because she wouldn’t try anything because “nothing will work”. We are about to move so wondered if it was that but she says not she’s happy about that.

No not until next year

Is there a heatwave where you live?
Did you say how weird it was to have a non-anxious child in front of her?
Maybe she has been trying to protect you from seeing her anxiety because she knows how anxious you are.

If it's only been two weeks ,does she need to try anything? She may feel like youre trying to cure or invalidate her, whereas she just wanted to share her experience with you?
Also, moving house is considered to be one of the top three life events stressors, no matter how happy you are about it.

Did something happen on holiday to knock her confidence?
Did her friends do/say something whilst she was away?
Could it be that Y11 is looming?

Did she suffer from jet lag from the holiday? I had awful problems with jet lag once which seemed to knock my gastric circadian rhythm and caused a few weeks of nausea. It gradually resolved but did take a little while.

No not in front of her

I think it could be the move, but she’s determined it’s not. I was trying to get her to try some relaxation or exercise because she was saying she hates that she feels sick all the time when she’s not distracted.

There was a sports team disappointment that she heard about just as we got back again she says it’s not that. She’s seen lots of her friends since we got back so not them and she says the only time she feels okay is when her friends are around to distract her.

Is she watching tik tok accounts that focus on anxiety?

Is she due on? I get severe PMS which causes anxiety (and more MH symptoms) right before my period

Did she get sore ears on the plane? Was it a holiday that involved a lot of swimming? Ear issues can cause nausea, and swimming and being on a plane can trigger them. It could be the nausea that is making her feel anxious.

I would think maybe the move and end of term even if she doesn't think it is.

Maybe try to finesse her into getting some exercise whether she wants to or not. Do you suddenly have a garden project that needs doing, a car to wash, a room or fence that needs painting? Though it is tricky in the heat. Obviously abandon it if it's causing distress, but if you can hook her in even for a short while it may give her body some different messages to the nausea. Some teens will push themselves more as a favour than when the sole focus of the activity is to make themselves feel better. That is, in a way, its own sort of pressure. Doing something because it's helpful takes the focus outside of themselves.

Having things to fiddle with might help but preferably introduced very lightly, not obviously "now you have ANXIETY I have bought you these special things".

Does she have a clear sense of what is happening each week of the hols? We always run a big whiteboard with a calendar and wishlist of things to do. Might possibly help if the future has some uncertainty in it. DH and I run a military operation planning things out but sometimes we forget to keep DC fully updated when things inevitably move about.

What’s her screen usage… this causes lots of anxiety for everyone.

I was going to ask about screen time too, my teen was having anxiety, we’ve taken her phone away and she’s like a different child, she’s less anxious, less lazy, more engaged just generally happier without TikTok and all that

@LadyInRainbow sorry I am away and ran out of data.

Try asking what form her sleepless takes. Is it her mind whiting, unable to switch off, a single issue or jumping about? Is it the same thought cycling around or many things. You don't have to know what the thought is and you do not have to fix it.

The aim is for her to understand you are listening and taking it seriously. I cannot stress it enough... Don't try to fix it at once. Just get into the habit of listening. She will need to develop her own tools to manage her anxiety. Support her in exploring what might help her.

My DD ended up seeing her GP who referred her to a therapist. It has taken many years, several itterations of ADs, talking therapies, journals et al. It is not a speedy fix and ultimately it has to be her fix.

And it is frustrating... Especially if you haven't experienced it. I have thankfully never been in the pit of MH. I don't get it, I don't understand why she can't look at the issue and either deal with it or forget it if it was in the past. It had been a struggle to not try and fix her or explain away the dread ...what I do know is that if I try to fix her it makes it worse.

In your DD's case it may be a fleeting cause or it might be more deep rooted. No one on an internet forum can make that call.

I wish you the best of luck. You are taking the best first step by being concerned.

Thanks I do get it in some ways as someone who worries about everything all the time, but I guess I know what, even if it’s irrational! Because of my own history I’m maybe more concerned than I should be I’ve worked with teens for years but finding it hard to know what’s just ‘normal teen stuff’ and what is massive mental health issues.

It is the move. And the heat. And being 15. Sometimes we don't know what is making us anxious do we. But those three things are enough to make anyone feel weird. When are you moving?

Exercise and activity - and packing to move and planning - are probably the answer. And a huge hug and big glass of water.

Screen time is high but at 15 struggling to cut that down as it’s so linked with friends, she did start reading a book last night that I got her because she read the first part on holiday so hoping that makes her put the phone away. Shes resistant to me making plans for her as she has lots of plans to see friends etc (which makes me less worried because she does want to see friends etc) and then we are moving next week and only one empty week and then a full on sports camp week and back to school. We are in Scotland. I also didn’t mention this previously as it’s possibly outing but she only started school for the first time in December after being home educated her whole life. School is going better than I could ever have wished but a lot has changed in the last six months so I’m aware it could just be that, but also worried I’m missing something at the same time.