Would you try for a third child in this situation?

[ThirdChildDilemma]

Name changed for this. Would you try for a third child if you were in my position?

I already have two children aged just under 4 years and 9 months. I have a frozen PGT-A tested embryo that statistically would have about 50% chance to work. Trying naturally is not an option and I wouldn’t do any more ivf rounds so if this embryo wouldn’t work it’s the end of the road and that’s ok.

Pros:

• I want another child
• DH always wanted 3. Recently he’s been saying he’s not sure anymore but I think he would be up for it if I was convinced. He’s a very hands on dad that pulls his weight and more
• The house is big enough. It has 4 bedrooms, the last bedroom is a tiny box room but we’re converting the garage for a playroom which could become a 5th bedroom in the future
• We can afford it. Private school wouldn’t be an option for 3, while it’s potentially an option with 2. However, public schools where we live are very good
• Our jobs are flexible and we work from home. I realise this is not a given and could change in the future

Cons:

• I’m 41. I’ve had two c sections so need to wait before getting pregnant again. Realistically, I would probably be 43 by the time I give birth again
• I’m a bit scared of the chaos that comes with having three. Sometimes I wonder if I’m mentally and physically strong enough to not just cope but be happy with three
• We have no family nearby. The in laws live 2h away and are not very helpful. My parents live abroad and are very hands on when they visit and on holidays but they can’t help on a day to day basis

Deep in my heart I think I know the answer but would be interested to hear other people’s thoughts.

I had to make the same decision about my last pgta embryo as well . I decided no . Was tempted to hang on to the embryo for a couple of years because I’m 39 in case we change our mind but decided not to

I had my two at 29 and 34. By the time I was 46 my health wasn’t great and for the next 10 years I wasn’t well at all following two DVTS, an emergency TAH, and primary hyperparathyroidism. I had failed surgery in Ireland in 2017 for the primary hyperparathyroidism and it was nearly 9 years later following numerous scans, a couple of trips to A n E where I was very ill and finding a surgeon in England who would operate on me that I finally was cured of phpt! I would definitely not have been able to look after a young child at the same time!

No. Life is not just about your wants. Think of the other dc - you must have had younger one at 40. Collecting dc isn’t a necessity.

Also you will be feeling quite hormonal post birth. I thought I wanted a third when dd2 was a baby but it was hormonal and came to my senses.

Plus the baby / toddler stage is so short in comparison to the reality of a whole extra person. Don’t downplay how different you feel at 42 to 52. So
so different.

If you are at all on the fence and only have one embryo left then in your shoes I would try. I was in a similar situation, only wanted one child as we started trying after I was 40 but we had one good embryo left after I had my first DD and I was debating whether to go for a second at 45. I wouldn’t have done further IVF or tried naturally but we decided to roll the dice with that one embryo as I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I honestly didn’t think it would work but it did, we ended up having to sell our flat and move as it was only two bedrooms but absolutely no regrets. Both healthy kids, no issues having a second at 45, it was an easy pregnancy.

No I wouldn't. I have 2 dcs in private school and I'd rather have 2 in private than 3 in state.

The only thing that would make me think twice is the age. For both of you.

Being young active and healthy in your 40s is different to inactive unhealthy people in their 40s.

There are other potential risk factors to the baby to consider too if you get pregnant older. How would you handle it if things weren't straightforward.

No I wouldn’t. would doubt the odds of a baby are anywhere near 50%