Friend wanting to join holiday

[Neodymium]

My dh and I are going on holiday overseas for the first time just the two of us soon. We have travelled with kids but never alone. My friend wanted to go with us but I said it’s meant to be like a 2nd honeymoon. We would rather be alone. She said that was ok we could just meet up for a day or 2. I’m still kind of worried. They have lots of health issues and there is a fairly high chance one of them will have some problem. I feel selfish but I know if they had a major issue and landed in hospital and we were in the same country we would have to drop everything to go assist. I would rather them just go at a different time to us. I don’t know how to make it more clear though. Also I know I can’t stop them being in the country at the same time. Just a rant really.

Has she got form for copying & planning things the other person doesn't want?

Turn your phones off while away or just don't answer calls or messages from her.

Block their numbers for the duration of your holiday. You dont need that grief on your holiday. Its not your problem. Why spoil 4 peoples holiday. In the kindest way, you have said no and no means no.

Have a great time and if they book I hope he doesnt fall foul to his health.

You will have to stand firm then.
Don't answer their calls or reply to their messages while on the holiday.

If you tell them in advance that you won't be teaming up with them at all and they ignore you, contact you and you give in - they win.

I would explain that it would be lovely but you just want to spend some time together and you'll arrange something for when you get back. A couple me and my ex were friends with years ago hijacked our holiday and it totally changed it. We'd booked something and then after a few drinks they just decided they were coming, booked it there and then with no discussion. They did things totally different to us...drank loads, stayed in bed half the day, didn't turn up for days out we'd planned and there were arguments. It was hard work.

Yes that would be the same. They can’t skip meals and would spend so much time wanting to eat. We tend just have big breakfast and early dinner and then just snacks ect while out and about during the day. Last time we went to the city with them and their kids we had to stop every 20 minutes for someone to eat.

Do not answer any calls or texts from her while you are away. Even if its a friendly 'Oh our hotel is lovely' one. So she can expect no communication whatsoever from you when you are away. You can even tell her before you go you will be turning off /not bringing your phone and if the kids need to reach you, they will be texting your hubby, (but that will only work if she doesn't have your hubbys number.)

I would explain that you've got plans for every day and really can't meet up.
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I wouldn't say this at all. It implies if you didn't have plans every day, you'd meet up with them! Just tell them you don't want to meet up with anyone at all. Plus, you'll be turning your phones off to the world as this holiday is for me and my Dh, totally alone.

I suggested that @Neodymium should tell her friend that they are switching their phones off for the entire holiday so they can spend quality time together, @Givingmytwocents - so that she knows not to even bother messaging/ringing.

I honestly can't imagine being cheeky enough to invite myself along on another couple's holiday - clearly some people have the hide of a rhino - or as they used to say when I lived in Manchester - 'More front than Blackpool'!

Look, you haven't booked flights or tolf them the accommodation, so just don't.

If they ask you anything, be vague, say you're not booking yet. Then nearer the time just say yes, you've booked, and when she asks for details just say "I'm not telling you, you'll book the same dates 😆"

That doesn’t make sense though. You’re travelling around every 2 days from one side of the country to another. So why would they want to go at the same time in cities you won’t be in? They’d know you won’t be nearby.

Just stop mentioning it and when you’re on holiday, don’t pick up the phone.

I agree with much that has been said here.

• As regards the 'turning the phone off' thing, as OP has children I wouldn't imagine that that would be doable. I know that I like to keep a line of comms open to my family. By all means tell the friend that you're switching off though, and then block her number.
• Added to this - do NOT give out any further information regarding any plans, flights, etc, whatsoever.

Good luck, and have an amazing trip.

Temporarily block them on whatsapp/phone/etc so they can't contact you while you're there if they do have a health problem. You really won't be able to assist if they do have a health problem and their travel insurance will have to do that. I understand how frustrating this must be as you will feel on edge rather than relaxed but hopefully blocking contacts will prevent that. And don't answer unknown calls.