Friend wanting to join holiday

[Neodymium]

My dh and I are going on holiday overseas for the first time just the two of us soon. We have travelled with kids but never alone. My friend wanted to go with us but I said it’s meant to be like a 2nd honeymoon. We would rather be alone. She said that was ok we could just meet up for a day or 2. I’m still kind of worried. They have lots of health issues and there is a fairly high chance one of them will have some problem. I feel selfish but I know if they had a major issue and landed in hospital and we were in the same country we would have to drop everything to go assist. I would rather them just go at a different time to us. I don’t know how to make it more clear though. Also I know I can’t stop them being in the country at the same time. Just a rant really.

Countries are huge, not much chance you'll bump into each other. Give her no details and it will be fine.

Can you change the time you’re going? Shift it by a week or two and say nothing.

Think it will be a lot easier to avoid friends but I can't help wondering whether it's parents or PIL who have invited themselves along which would be a lot trickier.

Nuclear option, “Sarah, we don’t want to meet up with you and John in Korea. We are looking forward to being on our own, and having no obligations of commitments.”.

I wonder if she wants to book the same place so that they do have help if something happens. However I agree with others that you shouldn't have to drop everything. Simply don't answer their texts or calls while you're away.

This, or white lie that your phone failed to transfer to a network abroad, or block her til u get home
...just make sure you don't provide any info on where you're going to be, when.
Tbh, I'd struggle to remain friends with someone as pushy as she sounds, is this typical, or unusual behaviour for her?

Is it really a friend, or is it your parents and that’s why you feel such a responsibility to help if they ended up in difficultly?

If it is a friend, I’d really consider just being blunt, almost rude if they don’t take the message. If they contact you while you’re there, at most I would be sending them details for agencies to help them. You’ll kick yourself if you let them derail a rare trip

Just be vague or say you doing day trips and wont be around.. op this is why I keep my hols vague with my mother. Or say you have change your dates around!

Damn your phone doesnt work abroad. Such a shame

Tell them that because of some spurious reason you have decided instead to have a walking holiday in the lake district/Yorkshire dales/west highland way. It will be a wonderful challenge and will give you and your DH plenty of time alone together. That way if they arrange to go to the same area as you and he has a health issue at least they will still be in the UK and not need travel insurance. Of course you will still go on your original holiday because at the last minute you will find that the tickets that you thought you had cancelled weren't actually cancelled at all and you don't want to waste them.

Ok so now they are just going to the same country? That's ok? Just block their number while you are away ... Just say you won't have roaming and you are looking forward to a digital detox as well as alone time together

You have very clearly told her what your position is, so I would ignore any further reference to her holiday and suggestions of meeting up from now on. And definitely don't give her more details about your trip...

Don't give any more info about dates, time or location and when you do go, send her a text saying you hope she has amazing amazing time, you're muting all calls and messages now and you'll see her when you're both back and can set up a coffee morning to catch up. Then actually mute her and make sure you tell the hotel to reject all calls.

"I’m concerned with her husbands poor health he will land in hospital and we will have to cut short our plans to go assist"

No you won't! She's not your responsibility.
Tell her York be switching your office off when you leave and not turning them on again until you're back in the UK.
If they travel without insurance then that's on them.

Just say what you mean…. Tactfully as you can ‘I’m worried you want to come at the same time as us because <her hubby name> might not cope as well and you want support. I want to emphasise this is mine and hubbys one off chance and we won’t be able to support you whilst there’

She said she wants to have time for themselves too. But why go at the same time as us then?

Maybe for the reason you're worried about - to have someone "handy" in case the wheels fall off?

I really hope he has got travel insurance, but you could easily make a point of asking how they'll cope if anything happens and use the opportunity to mention you won't be available

Failing that, perhaps a message to them when you arrive saying you've been hacked and are having to change your number?

Tell her, “Ok, I hope you enjoy your holiday but as I said, it’s our second honeymoon and we will be spending the time just the two of us with our phones switched off, so we’ll catch up with you once we’re all home.”

That. Then you block their numbers on your phone and on WhatsApp.

I don't say that lightly, because I'm not one for blocking people, but seriously, these people are otherwise very likely to ruin your trip.

At the risk of sounding callous, I just wouldn’t answer texts/calls from her while you are away. You are making it clear this is a holiday for the two of you, so you are incommunicado. End of.

If you're expecting the husband to have health issues, does that mean she is also expecting it to happen and is relying on you and your husband as a reliable safety net just so that she can have a holiday and therefore share some of the responsibility?

Tell her you have a refundable hotel room and you will change your destination if she insists on going at the same time.

She doesn’t care about falling out with you. So you shouldn’t care.

You absolutely don't need to assist. If you get that message you. Say oh no so sorry to hear that. Not on my phone much but keep me in the loop. Or you tell her in advance how much you are looking forward to being alone..you are going phone free ..then you don't answer at all!!

Block her number for the time you’re away? Then you won’t be contactable by her and won’t see any messages so won’t feel
guilty. Unblock when back and just say you were having a technology break while away and sorry if you missed any messages

You just don’t chat to her whilst you’re there so you can’t meet up! Say your phone wasn’t working! She sounds like a drain!

this. Make clear that you will not be contactable.

I think you need to be blunt and spell out exactly how you feel. Send her this:

Friend, I've been thinking about the fact that you have basically invited yourself on mine and dh's special holiday, our first break alone since kids. I have to say I'm quite upset that you've been tone deaf enough to go ahead and book the same place at the same time as us. Now I am feeling like the bad guy for not wanting to meet up and frankly I'm worrying you will expect our support should your dh become unwell. Really this is massive imposition on your part. Just to be very clear, we won't be meeting up or having any contact while away.