Friend wanting to join holiday

[Neodymium]

My dh and I are going on holiday overseas for the first time just the two of us soon. We have travelled with kids but never alone. My friend wanted to go with us but I said it’s meant to be like a 2nd honeymoon. We would rather be alone. She said that was ok we could just meet up for a day or 2. I’m still kind of worried. They have lots of health issues and there is a fairly high chance one of them will have some problem. I feel selfish but I know if they had a major issue and landed in hospital and we were in the same country we would have to drop everything to go assist. I would rather them just go at a different time to us. I don’t know how to make it more clear though. Also I know I can’t stop them being in the country at the same time. Just a rant really.

Do not share any more info.

Do not share exact dates of times of flights, hotel name or itinerary.

If they call you whilst there, do not answer.

Turn your phone off, as someone else has said.

She seriously needs to take the hint. Even if she goes and she does her own thing,it'll put pressure on you to feel like you need to do something with her too. This is obviously part of her plan otherwise why on earth would she want to go to the same place at the same time? There would be no point 🤦‍♂️

Just leave your phone off/silent and enjoy your holiday

I would have an issue with roaming charges whilst on holiday.
So, l would buy a new SIM card simply for the trip.
I would use the new number for the trip and advise my children/parents/closest friend of my ‘issue’.
Then at the airport I would insert it into my phone, send a text message to children/parents/closest friend (using code word if you are terribly security conscious).
I would then have my holiday worry free.

Be firm and tell them you are going on a 2nd honeymoon and you do not want to meet up with anyone!
And in future, be mindful of sharing plans with anyone…….and they won’t have an opportunity to hijack your trip

This all day. Reasons and excuses are easily overcome by pushy, insensitive and frankly weird people like this. Lies are even worse, because you'll get found out and she'll still find ways to join you.

And if you offer to join her next year instead, she'll hold you to that and be a pain in the bum on next year's holiday. And she'll probably still try to join you on this one.

The worry is going to really spoil the run up if you let it.
They're going to the same country at the same time, but unless they are legally or morally your dependents, that doesn't mean you need to drop everything if one of them has an issue.
If you get a message saying: Dave has been admitted to hospital!

You send back: 'Oh no! Poor Dave! I do hope he is better soon!' and then follow up with a link the the NHS advice page and leave it there. You're not responsible for them OP 🩷

Jesus wept. Your Friends husband's health is NOT your concern. Go on your second honeymoon and don't spare them another thought.

They are (presumably) full grown adults and recognise and accept any risks to their health the trip may cause and have appropriate Insurance / contingencies in place.

Finally enjoy YOUR trip and make lots of memories.

She's clearly made the calculation that booking the same time and place will give them the security of having you on hand should the husband be taken ill.

Be very very clear that as this is a second honeymoon you will be incommunicado and phones will be off while you travel from place to place.

I hope for their sakes they're not planning on going without travel insurance - it certainly doesn't sound like he'd get it if they're honest.

Can you meet up for a meal?

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. In lots of places you can buy a new local SIM at the airport, can be a lot better for data etc than roaming on your usual number.
You don't give them this number, then you don't have the angst of ignoring calls etc because you simply won't know if they've tried to contact you.
Much better than stressing before or during your holiday.

No!!

I know if they had a major issue and landed in hospital and we were in the same country we would have to drop everything to go assist

I'm thinking that's exactly why she's being so persistent, it's what she's counting on. She wants to go on holiday but she doesn't want to have to deal with it on her own if her husband gets ill. So her solution - come with you and you'll do it. She's only thinking of herself and she won't take notice of you saying it's your second honeymoon just the two of you because that's not in her plans.

If a friend couldn't respect my wishes & take a polite no for an answer I would no longer be a friend.

Just tell her no and stop catastrophizing about what happens if he’s taken ill.
Is he often admitted to hospital when he’s at home?
You won’t be anywhere near them to help, anyway, even if something does go wrong for them?

@Neodymium

How important are these friends to you? I'd be prepared to sacrifice the friendship over this. They know it's a romantic break for you and they also know you have completely different holiday agendas which are quite unsuitable for them, so why the hell are they so keen to push this? Sounds to me like she's already identified you as support if her DH gets ill. Sod that. Tell them that you have no plans to meet up with them, or involve them in your holiday whatsoever.

With all due respect, friend, I’ve tried to tell you once. I need you to listen this time. We’re having time together as a couple alone. We won’t be meeting up.

Their health is NOT your responsibility. Like a previous poster said, are they likely not to take travel insurance? Maybe next time e you talk, deflect and talk ‘about an article you’ve read about irresponsible people who don’t have travel insurance’, especially those with medical conditions.

You go and enjoy your holiday, carefree.

And why would you go help them if he is in hospital? You know you don’t need to do this, right? I am in poor health (cancer). Firstly, I wouldn’t book a holiday to anywhere that I thought would be more than I could handle. If they do and get in trouble, that’s their own dumb fault.

I’d also never expect a friend to turn up and do anything if I was in hospital. Unless you are a clinician with a specialty in that area, what are you going to do but sit around? I’ve been in hospital in a developing country and honestly, other than Dh, I didn’t need any help. Let them get on with it. You enjoy your holiday. You don’t need to say how high every time someone says jump!

I would, however, hint at a completely different itinerary than you have. Don’t lie, but tell them you are thinking of going totally different places than you are, so you won’t risk bumping into them.

It sounds like she wants to go at the same time as you so she will have you in place to support them if her husband ends up in hospital. She's using you as a free support service so she and her husband can go on vacation despite his poor health. That's not fair to you. You seem reluctant to say no to her. Why? It's not your problem if she decides to take a vacation that doesn't suit her husband's health.

“I’m concerned with her husbands poor health he will land in hospital and we will have to cut short our plans to go assist. ”

OP, why would you have to assist? If her DH has very poor health, then he’s an absolute idiot to gi without health insurance because it’s not cheap and they WILL be landed with huge bills, and if they’re refused insurance, they should simply not go. It’s not your problem if they’re so stupid as to go on holiday when her husband is unfit to travel. And if you’re on your second honeymoon, it would be outrageous of them to expect you to go rushing to a foreign hospital. I think your friend’s being staggeringly unreasonable, and I’d keep all further details of your trip strictly to yourself. And if she does get in touch with some sob story while you’re away, well, tragically you were somewhere that had no internet.

Just say no each time. "As I have told you multiple times we are on a honeymoon style holiday and don't want to meet up with anyone. Please don't continue asking, I won't change my mind. We will be travelling light off the beaten track and don't plan on using our phones at all."

Then block or archive her number before the holiday. Don't answer or look at anything from her until you're back. Don't give her any details about where you'll be when. Anything that happens with her DH is her problem.

I’d tell her straight that she is actually being really rude and have no respect for you.

OP you need to be very, very clear. Your plans mean that you won't be able to see them. At all. Then I would honestly be tempted to block her whilst you're away and claim technology issues later ☠️