Should you get dolls that looks like your child

[TheZanyPinkSquid]

Hi all,

I know this is a really tiny “issue”.

My daughter’s birthday is coming up, she asked for an American Girl doll and I got her a second hand one online. I picked one of the only ones in my budget which happened to have light hair and blue eyes, I thought it was a cute doll and didn’t think much of it.
However, my sisters are telling me that I should have got a doll that looks like my daughter, as a lot of mixed race children and children from minorities grow up feeling underrepresented
and develop insecurities because of it... My daughter is mixed white/Pakistani/Arab.

Should I sell it on and keep looking for another one that looks more like her? (Olive skin, black hair, dark brown eyes) Or is it fine?

thank you

It's fine. She will enjoy the doll and probably not think too much about it.

She will have favourite books/ TV shows etc with people who look like her, so one doll won't make a difference on her self- perception.

Many decades ago, a study was done in the US with white and African American baby dolls and AA children who were being brought up in the days of blatant discrimination and school segregation.

The AA children picked the white baby dolls when asked to choose. The study was used as a way to illustrate the negative effects of racism on even the very young.

I would definitely buy your child a doll that looks like her. Your sisters are right

Can’t you just ask her which one she wants?

And meanwhile in the real world, where people have limited budgets…

I would say if you are budgeting then stick to that and maybe if it is a real concern to you, do some research into other things that may make your daughter feel represented.

I played with lots of dolls as a child (eg barbie, disney princess) and to me they were about their own characters in my imagination, nothing to do with their likeness of me.

A friend adopted a little girl from China. She never cared about the doll which looked like her...

They're all over eBay, FB Marketplace, Etsy, etc.

That might be the case. But OP clearly stated that this particular doll was the only one she could afford.

Representation is really important.

White should not be the default.

If she found one that she could afford, the chances are high that she will find another.

I agree. And manufacturers need to catch up.

But, as she said, she couldn’t.

Yes please get the doll that looks like her if she doesn’t have any or many that do.

Tbh I can’t believe this is even being asked. Have you not got her any dolls that resemble her before?

I don’t even have kids but just today picked up a doll I happened to see in a window for my friend’s kid as it looks a little like her.

In 2026 if you have a mixed race child try and be more aware of the importance of these things. Your sister is absolutely right.

My mum didnt think of this but this was way back in the 80s. I was inundated with white dolls and boy was I happy when a family friend gave me a black doll! I did like all my dolls but that became my special doll. I adored her so much.

It’s not the same as giving a white kid say a black doll because they are consistently represented in children’s media anyway via books, movies, cartoons etc. plus if they are living in the UK it’s likely they will be in the majority in their schools, in their neighbourhoods etc. and in most cases the majority of their dolls are going to be white anyway.

yes, there is more diversity nowadays but white is still the default. There are often more animal characters in children’s picture books than there are POC kids. I know this because I work in children’s publishing and it’s a real issue!

There’s a lot of studies to show it really matters to see positive representation of this sort matters for POC.

How old is your DD op? Does this really matter to her? When she has shown you an american girl doll, which ones has she pointed out to you? It may be that she genuinely just wants the doll and your sisters are overthinking it.

Of course keep the doll. And then get her other dolls that look like her. She can have more than one doll :)

That said if you have plenty of dolls that “look like her” already this may not be an issue. But the fact your sister has mentioned it suggests to me you’ve given your mixed race child all white dolls previously.

I tried to warn one of my former school friends of the importance of this kind of things and she basically ignored me.

Then she calls me up in tears years later absolutely gutted because one of her mixed race children said “ I want blonde hair and blue eyes and white skin like you mum”.

Now that is exactly what she didn’t want her brown skinned brown eyed kids to say, but the issue she wasn’t being proactive in doing things like buying books with mixed race and black characters, mixed race dolls etc. She is estranged from her kids fathers so they got no exposure to their Black aunties/family and were entirely surrounded by her lovely but all white family in an all white town. People need to think these things through.

So yeah I wouldn’t get hung up on this one doll but you need to look at wider patterns in what you’re exposing your child too.

There will be a reason why your sister has spoken up now. Correct me if I’m wrong but I think if you had plenty of cultural diversity in your kids toys and books and other media she would not have an issue with this AG being blonde and blue eyed. This is surely not about one doll but your overall style of bringing your child up.

And as I'm saying, she just hasn't yet.

She needs to keep on looking.

Op why does she want an American Girl doll? Does she know they are basically made to order? And can be any colour?

I think that might be your answer

As a young girl in the 80s, I had three main dollies I played with all the time, doing their hair, dressing them up and pushing them round in my silver cross dolls pram on the way to our next special tea party. First was Alice (white, blue eyes, long straight blonde hair), then Sally (white, blue eyes, short cropped curly dark blonde hair) and finally Jemima (black, brown eyes, short curly black hair and the most beautiful golden/amber eyes).

I loved them each so much, they had their own unique personalities, favourite colours, favourite dresses they liked to wear, and even things they would and wouldn’t eat at tea parties. I think if you can manage to find and buy a doll that better show cases your DD’s heritage, then that would be lovely for her.

Children can be very aware of when 'race theory' (for want of a better term) affects a decision that concerns them. And there's no way to get it right.

Consider the situation where a school discovers one child has same-sex parents. Suddenly a few books like 'My two Dads' appear on the bookshelf. The kid knows why. They now feel 'different', even if they didn't before.

Help!

Your dd doesn't need all her dolls to look like her, but some of them should.

My twins are mixed race so I get dolls that are white and brown. They need to see something that represents them. I also refuse to get skinny Barbie’s I always get her thicker ones. Maybe I’m ott though I don’t know.

I say keep the doll - they are expensive so if you've found a nice one that you can afford, I think it's more important that you've bought her what she really wanted than not keeping it and running the risk of not finding a more representative one in time.

I would make sure that she does have other dolls that look like her though. It doesn't have to be this particular one.

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice!
I ended up deciding to keep the doll I got her, and my mum ordered an other American girl doll for her that looks just like her!