At my wits end with school uniform!

[Bingbongsingalong]

For context, my son has ADHD, ASD and dyspraxia, so he finds it very hard to organise himself and focus. However, I am literally at my wits end with PE kit and school uniform. He is at an independent school (mostly funded via his EHCP, we are far from wealthy, but we do have to pay around £1500 a term for various extras that his EHCP doesn't cover, so we're already struggling to find that most of the time!). My issue is that the uniform is so expensive, and he loses it so frequently. I have been in constant communication with the school about this, and they always help my son look for his missing items, I've even been in to look myself, but the items never turn up, even though they are always clearly labelled. I have NO idea where they go, it's a small school with small classes. I am in a parents WhatsApp group and am forever posting there in the hopes that his kit has made it home with someone else, but it never has. So far this year he has lost-

An ENTIRE PE kit, trainers, shin pads, brand new gum shield, kit, rugby boots, literally everything.
A school jumper
Two further pairs of school branded rugby socks
A blazer
Rugby skins
Another pair of rugby boots
Two coats
A gilet
A pair of school shoes
A calculator
His entire pencil case

I literally want to cry every time he comes home without something again! School has a second hand uniform shop, but the items are still 50% of the new price, so it's still really adding up, plus we live over an hour away from school and every time I need to go to the uniform shop, I have to take a morning off work and as i'm self employed, it ends up costing me in loss of earnings. Apart from the coat, shoes and stationary, everything else has to be school branded so I can't even order cheap second hand stuff from vinted or anywhere. I do where I can, but it's still a lot.

I know it isn't really his fault, and school have been brilliant at putting systems in place to try and help him remember all of his stuff, but it's not working. I don't feel like he's taking it overly seriously because he knows we will just replace stuff. At one point I told him his replacement PE kit was going to have to come out of his Christmas present money, but I caved because that felt really mean, but ultimately i'm spending a fortune and I can't carry on!

Any advice or suggestions? Anyone else been in this situation?! I'm at a loss!

No advice but that does sound like a nightmare!

cant the school make an exception for him re non branded uniform, given his autism?? Maybe not the blazer but trousers and shirt and pe kit?!

I think i'm going to have to speak to them and see if we can come to some sort of compromise somehow. I just can't afford to keep replacing everything! I've just opened his PE kit to sort it out before he goes back on Monday (note to self, do that at the beginning of the holidays, not the end!), and so much is missing again and I don't even have time to replace it now (that's my fault, but that's where we're at!).

I know some of the parents at our local independent school have sowen air tags or equivalent into blazers as they are so expensive. I've considered doing the same to DS PE kit as he lost his whole bag last year. I'm sure I could sow one into the bag somewhere.

Mite be something worth looking at.

that’s an impressive amount of kit to have lost in one term! Teacher here. 👋

With a child with that profile it’ll be about routines (or lack thereof). For example, coat off and immediately in locker. PE kit goes straight in locker on arrival at school, comes out as he’s going to his PE lesson and then straight back in - school can give him permission to leave 5 mins early/arrive a bit late. I’ve also had kids like this in my tutor class just leave their kit in my classroom on PE days.

If he’s year 7 then it should settle down by end of year 8 or so - it’s so different to primary.

Stationery:

you can buy clear plastic pencil cases in packs of 50 from Amazon. Also packs of bic pens in boxes of 50 and boxes of pencils.

make up several pencil cases with three pens and three pencils in and then he just gets the next one.

does he need rulers and so on as well?

calculator - ask if his maths teacher can keep it in the room. Maths and science are generally the only subjects that need it.

Air tags are a great idea actually! Particularly for the more expensive items, i'l definitely investigate this and see if we can do it, thank you 😊

How does he travel to and from school? Is he leaving stuff on the bus?

It may not be his fault, but he does need to take it seriously and try to come up with ways to help him keep track of all his stuff.

Teacher here. That's a lot. Some kids - often kids with ND - do struggle to keep track of their things but even allowing for that, it's a lot.

How old is he?

Do you pick him up from the classroom? I had a similar little chap in my class last year and his mum came and did a sweep of the classroom at the end of most days. It helps.

Also, are his things incredibly clearly named? In big, bright yellow letters? Stitched into the inside so no one can possibly take them by mistake? Sticker themes helped too - all his books and his pencil case etc all have Minecraft stickers on them so that everyone in class knows the Minecraft stuff is his.

DD is awful for this. She's 9, so quite a bit younger, but I bought her some kerinfs like these and labelled them up with coat, jumper, water bottle, etc, etc for her to tick off each day at home time. It soes work, as long as she remembers to do it...

He could have something similar and use it at the end of each lesson as a reminder of what he should have with him, maybe?

Haha, it is impressive isn't it?! I just find it so confusing, where does it all go?! Will it ever turn up again?! It's so bizarre!

School have tried to implement routines for him, and he now has a designated space to keep his things and his form tutor says she is keeping an eye on them, so maybe this will help, it's still a fairly new implementation, but i'm disheartened to see that he's missing loads of PE kit again, so i'm not sure it is working! He is in year 8, so maybe it will get better as he gets older? He didn't lose quite as much stuff last year, but he had a lot more mollycoddling, I think they are trying to encourage a bit more independence this year, but it isn't working. He also has extra time before and after PE to try and help, but i'm not sure this is helping really either!

He actually needs a surprisingly long list of stationary! But yes buying in bulk from Amazon is probably the way to go, definitely most cost effective. I'll see if he can leave his calculator in his classroom, that's a good idea!

With coats and the gilet, unless school has rules about the colour I’d buy some extremely colourful and ugly coats from vinted and then label them up.

much more likely to be recognised by other kids as not theirs and much more noticeable.

(my own son had a neon orange one that was hard to miss).

He gets a school bus to and from school, with only kids from his school. We have had issues with other children on the bus teasing him and taking his things, but that was mostly last year and school jumped on it as soon as we found out about it and I didn't think it was happening this year, or so DS says it isn't anyway?

I agree, he does need some accountability!

My daughter With ADHD was like this in primary. One summer she came home with an Ikea bag full of all the jumpers and ties she had lost. We had checked each time they went missing so god only knows where they were or how they eventually turned up.

She has been a bit better in secondary thank god! We did start having small consequences in year 7 for any bits she had blatantly not looked after.
She has an awful tendency to crack her phone screens now!

I would defo look into the air tags

How much on average are you spending on replacing kit per term?
Some parents I know who had a son with severe ADHD did this and it did work.

Decide how much you are actually spending per term. Get slightly less than that amount ( don't tell your ds it is less though). Show it to your ds then lock it away somewhere safe. Explain that this is the money you have set aside for kit replacement but if there is any left at the end of the term/ year he can have it!
You might want to say he can have it to spend on a specific treat/item (which he won't get if the money isn't still there).

It is amazing how much this actually helped.
I know that it feels weird to actually set aside the money as it feels like you are expecting him to lose the kit, but realistically, if it is a bit less than you would spend on average then you are actually quids in!

Once he has proved that he can look after his stuff given sufficient incentive, then you can renegotiate the targets.

It really is a lot!

He is 13, so in year 8. Unfortunately his school is over and hour away and due to work and having another child at school local to home, we can't go and get him, so he has to get the school bus. I do feel like collecting him would help but unfortunately it is just not possible 😕

Actually that is a good point, to me his things are clearly labelled, but to him it's actually probably no where near clear enough. I'll see if I can make or get some much bigger more obvious name labels! Everything has his name on, but just the usual school name labels, nothing overly bold!

Oh I haven't seen those before, they look brilliant! I'll definitely get some, absolutely worth a try!

It's so odd isn't it, where do they all hide when you're looking for them?! I' m assuming some of things will eventually turn up somewhere at some point! Just not useful when you need them now!

DS is good at cracking phone screens too! He's just got a new one, i'll see how long that lasts 🤣 Small consequences are a good idea, he needs to be learning some accountability I think.

That is a really good idea, I would never have thought of that! Definitely worth giving it a try. To be honest I have no idea how much we're spending, but I can add it up roughly and tell him a figure, he won't know if it's not exactly right!

2 kids at independent schools, one with Sdhd, one with asd.

• airtags in the most expensive stuff
• big name labels (the 1 inch ones!) sewin in in very visible places (neck of blazer, outside of pe kit etc!
• put pe socks on under school uniform on pe days
• minimsl uniform - forget jumpers, ski underwear is much better. forget long pe trousers, shorts and if absolutely necessary leggings underneath
• check lists , laminated , sewn on the pe bag and backpacj

oh, and stickers with your ohine number on everything as well

YPO for stationery! Bulk buy website that we get everything from for classes at school, but public can use.

https://www.ypo.co.uk/products

Just want to say that the school supporting a disabled child in the way he needs is not mollycoddling, it's reasonable adjustments.

Clearly whatever they've stopped doing since last year needs to be put back in place because he hasn't developed whatever skills they think he should have developed by now and he needs more help from the school.

In addition, that's a lot of pe kit he's losing, specifically rugby kit. Is he losing it on purpose because he's being bullied in PE? Id be investigating that.

Label everything in at least 2 places. Large clearly visible label in obvious place and at least one hidden label inside a sleeve. Don't assume that things aren't being taken. Agree with airtags too.