At my wits end with school uniform!

[Bingbongsingalong]

For context, my son has ADHD, ASD and dyspraxia, so he finds it very hard to organise himself and focus. However, I am literally at my wits end with PE kit and school uniform. He is at an independent school (mostly funded via his EHCP, we are far from wealthy, but we do have to pay around £1500 a term for various extras that his EHCP doesn't cover, so we're already struggling to find that most of the time!). My issue is that the uniform is so expensive, and he loses it so frequently. I have been in constant communication with the school about this, and they always help my son look for his missing items, I've even been in to look myself, but the items never turn up, even though they are always clearly labelled. I have NO idea where they go, it's a small school with small classes. I am in a parents WhatsApp group and am forever posting there in the hopes that his kit has made it home with someone else, but it never has. So far this year he has lost-

An ENTIRE PE kit, trainers, shin pads, brand new gum shield, kit, rugby boots, literally everything.
A school jumper
Two further pairs of school branded rugby socks
A blazer
Rugby skins
Another pair of rugby boots
Two coats
A gilet
A pair of school shoes
A calculator
His entire pencil case

I literally want to cry every time he comes home without something again! School has a second hand uniform shop, but the items are still 50% of the new price, so it's still really adding up, plus we live over an hour away from school and every time I need to go to the uniform shop, I have to take a morning off work and as i'm self employed, it ends up costing me in loss of earnings. Apart from the coat, shoes and stationary, everything else has to be school branded so I can't even order cheap second hand stuff from vinted or anywhere. I do where I can, but it's still a lot.

I know it isn't really his fault, and school have been brilliant at putting systems in place to try and help him remember all of his stuff, but it's not working. I don't feel like he's taking it overly seriously because he knows we will just replace stuff. At one point I told him his replacement PE kit was going to have to come out of his Christmas present money, but I caved because that felt really mean, but ultimately i'm spending a fortune and I can't carry on!

Any advice or suggestions? Anyone else been in this situation?! I'm at a loss!

I am fully aware that these are reasonable adjustments. I fought extremely hard to get his EHCP and all of the provisions within it, and for the place at his school. I was not using the word mollycoddling in a way which was intended as anything other than affectionately. His school are lovely and go above and beyond what is prescribed in his EHCP.

Given his complex school history, his current school are very vigilent about bullying and jump on anything that is potentially concerning immediately, we are in constant communication about this and he has a lot of pastoral support, so no, I don't believe he is being bullied in PE. I do however, know that he hates rugby with a passion, so it is entirely possible that he is 'losing' his kit on purpose for that reason (although this doesn't explain the loss of non PE items). However, due to the obsession with sport in this country, and the idea that team sports apparently build resilience (which for a child with dyspraxia who hates sports and has no coordination, is the opposite of true, i'd say it builds humiliation and resentment actually, but that's a whole other thread), he is required to participate and play matches. I love his school generally, but we are currently at loggerheads about this.

Having 2 SENDs kids at independent schools as well - any chance he could get a “job” on the field outside of actually playing rugby?
One of mine helped refereeing, was responsible for bib, balls etc (he is dyspraxic and hates being touched, so Rugby wasn’t a viable option - but us excellent at remembering and following rules).
The other one just does hockey instead (he isn’t dyspraxic though).

Dd has same diagnosis and same ability to lose stuff. I've written my phone number in things and have had strangers message me.
School help by providing spare kit too from swap shop. Lucky for us its on a donation basis.
Are non branded items and option for any things?
My daughter can also put stuff in wellbeing/sen area. E.g spare PE kit.

The expensive branded uniform is a problem, but guess that comes with private school.

Oh yes, and one of my dd adjustments is to only do PE once every 3 weeks

Sew a concealed pocked with a button flap in the blazers coats and waist of the trousers and put an AirTag thingy in each.

I put these on bags so she can identify easily
https://amzn.eu/d/bNkq3VS

Everything else has big sticky label in a design she chose herself from my nametag company. Easily recognisable to her.

Good luck!

This was a bit of an issue for my ds in primary when they were going swimming (luckily in state for secondary so they just wear their PE kit on PE days). We worked with him on a routine so he put clothes in a bag, socks in shoes etc and then the reversed process. We did it a good few times so it became a ingrained. It did work and saved me from bulk buying swimming costumes! He still very disorganised but the annoyance of detentions at secondary has meant he has learnt strategies to ensure he has the right equipment. If he really hates rugby can he do something else?