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Original poster

Do you ever feel you "want your mum"?

219 replies

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 23/10/2023 20:50

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 23/10/2023 10:46

Another one here with an emotionally unavailable mother. I can't think of any time in my life when I had a problem that I thought of turning to her, or now that she's dead that I wish she was here to help me out - because she never really did.

I'm very envious of the people who are so close to their mother and have such warm loving relationships with them.

Me too.
Mine looked after me in the practical sense but never gave any emotional support; it was all about her.

Azaeleasinbloom · 23/10/2023 20:51

Yes. Sometimes I just want to talk to her and have her tell me YABU or YANBU. I trusted her more to be honest than anyone else. And I am not sure I understood that while she was alive.
She died several years ago. Every time I have faced a real challenge, I have wanted her comfort and counsel.
A good mum is special, and I feel for every poster who did not get to experience that.

Flyhigher · 23/10/2023 21:17

Totally. You are not bonkers. I'm desperate for it. The certainty and support.

ValancyRedfern · 23/10/2023 21:20

I often think I want 'a' mum but my mum wasn't/isn't that kind of mum.

Flyhigher · 23/10/2023 21:20

@koalaknickers. Breaks my heart. I hear you.

HappyAsASandboy · 23/10/2023 21:27

I used to. Through my 20's and 30's I used to instinctively turn to her for support when I was struggling. 80% of the time she let me down though, so I have become far far better at not sharing any difficulties or strife with her at all!

toadasoda · 23/10/2023 21:27

FiddleMyFig · 23/10/2023 09:53

I feel this also! I’m 46 and my dm passed away when I was 4 years old. Whenever I’m sick I always cry for my mum. I don’t have many memories of her, so I’m assuming it’s a primal thing also.

God that's so sad. I'm 46 too and mine died when I was mid 20s, not the same at all but I know what you mean. I feel the same.

whoactuallyreallycares · 23/10/2023 21:30

Yes I get a feeling in my chest! I am very close with her though and I honestly can not imagine a life without her, I can’t even bare to think of it.

Bloomingmagnolia · 23/10/2023 21:31

Never had that feeling. I have no memories of maternal warmth from mine. I’m convinced we never attached and she didn’t like me. She’s a narcissistic psycho. I often observe mothers and daughters when out and about, and wish I had experienced that.

Thinkbiglittleone · 23/10/2023 21:32

Yes, very often. I would love to be able to just sit and laugh with her again. To have that secure feeling that we have always got someone to go to if we need, that lovely feeling of reassurance that she is just there. It breaks my heart and makes me angry that she is not around anymore, she was amazing.

goodgriefsean · 23/10/2023 21:33

I still have my mum and we have a great relationship she's lovely but I don't really yearn for her in this way. I would however give anything for the comfort of a hug and the smell of my Granny. My mum was a working single parent when I was little so a lot of the times I was sick or upset it was my Granny who had to step in to that role for me, she passed away 20 years ago when I was a teenager.

MrsDrudge · 23/10/2023 21:35

Oh yes.
My mum died 4 years ago and my heart and my arms ache for her.

Loubelle70 · 23/10/2023 21:36

Bloomingmagnolia · 23/10/2023 21:31

Never had that feeling. I have no memories of maternal warmth from mine. I’m convinced we never attached and she didn’t like me. She’s a narcissistic psycho. I often observe mothers and daughters when out and about, and wish I had experienced that.

Me too ♥️

3ofus3 · 23/10/2023 21:42

No but I wish I did. She's to toxic and selfish and is always jealous of her children when we achieve.

neilyoungismyhero · 23/10/2023 21:44

FiddleMyFig · 23/10/2023 09:53

I feel this also! I’m 46 and my dm passed away when I was 4 years old. Whenever I’m sick I always cry for my mum. I don’t have many memories of her, so I’m assuming it’s a primal thing also.

I'm in my 70s, my mum died when I was a year old. I know what you mean.

ThreeRingCircus · 23/10/2023 21:49

WhiskersPete · 23/10/2023 10:09

No. Whilst I do love her and appreciate her, she has never been very emotionally supportive. The last few times I've really needed someone, she has projected her anxiety onto me and just made me feel ten times worse than I did already.

Now I just don't feel l ever need her...that sounds awful doesn't it!?

Not at all, this is exactly like my mum.

She's alive, and I love her but I don't rely on her for anything and I certainly have learned not to ask her for advice or support. She's wrapped up in her own anxieties and is emotionally unavailable and always has been.

So no, I don't get that feeling because I don't think I ever had it. I'm genuinely glad for people that do, it gives me hope for my own DDs as I try my absolute hardest to be there for my own children.

Wrennie24 · 23/10/2023 21:52

My mum wasn't a great mum in parenting terms but coming from a very small family she was all we had. The decisions she made weren't made to hurt us, they were made by her thinking they were the best she could do in some awful situations. She loved me, she loved my children, I miss having her to talk to, I have no one else so yes, there are times that all I want is my mum.

stayathomer · 23/10/2023 21:52

Yes, mine lives an hour and a half away, I’m 43 with 4 kids and a great husband but sometimes I wish I was back living with her and could just give her the biggest hug

Ratfinkstinkypink · 23/10/2023 21:53

No because she's never been a mum, I have never been the daughter she wanted and I disappoint her every day. I really hope that I have broken that mould with my own daughter, I am the one she calls when she needs reassurance or comfort so I hope I have.

CeriB82 · 23/10/2023 21:54

Yes i do. Im 49, 3 kids and youngest is 15. But mum died 3 weeks after youngest was born.

lots of times i need my mum. No matter your age, we need mum

ladymuckofthemanor · 23/10/2023 21:56

Never.

My mother is a selfish, tight, toxic bitch.

grapesandplums · 23/10/2023 21:56

Yes I do. I'm estranged from my family and it pains me every single day. I miss the mum from my childhood who sadly wasn't the mum from my adulthood.

Lovelydovey · 23/10/2023 21:57

My mum passed away just over 2 years ago. I'm going through a lot now and would give anything for a conversation and hug.

LuluBlakey1 · 23/10/2023 21:57

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

Yes, often. She died 9 years ago and I still feel like that often.

Ashtara10 · 23/10/2023 21:57

Yes! It's a really strange feeling and almost feels kind of sad.