Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you ever feel you "want your mum"?

219 replies

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

OP posts:
Mi3mi · 24/10/2023 00:48

No. I love my mum and she was good at providing for me practically and being supportive in some ways but she is, I believe, ND, and has never been able to be emotionally there for me. She has never tried to do things I’m interested in - we always do what she wants to do or nothing at all. She often invalidates my feelings, not out of spite I believe, just because that’s the way she is. She doesn’t take criticism well at all, so it’s impossible to improve the relationship. Whenever I feel worried or upset about something she’s one of the last people I would turn to. I put on a happy face for me and we have a very surface level relationship which makes me very sad. I hope to be the sort of mum you all miss when I’m a mother one day.

CallieQ · 24/10/2023 01:28

ClassicStripe · 23/10/2023 09:46

I'm not sure how to explain it but sometimes when I'm not feeling great, physically or mentally, I get almost like a primal urge to see my mum. And sometimes I feel like it's not my mum how she is now but from when I was a child. Someone to make things better probably.
When I said this to DH he looked at me like I was bonkers.

Yes but she's not around anymore 🥺

purpleme12 · 24/10/2023 01:49

No I don't. But that's because we don't have a good relationship

RoyalImpatience · 24/10/2023 06:10

Definitely.

Unfortunately she's not been with us for a long time.

For those that love their mums, spoil them rotten. If I could go back and spoil my mum more I would it's my biggest regret but I had little money back when she was alive

RoyalImpatience · 24/10/2023 06:14

Infact I know a lady now who is amazing, she looks after her gc one day a week and is so respectful of her dd wishes.she will say "we were in jl and I desperately wanted to buy x shoes but I know my dd would object so I chose blah and gc wanted to sleep but dd doesn't want them to too... I tried my hardest to keep her awake". She's older and stool work's pretty much full time and is absolutely devoted to her two adult dd.

I don't think her dd appreciate her enough.
She has even spent a few Xmas days alone.

koalaknickers · 24/10/2023 07:07

Milarky · 23/10/2023 23:39

I can't sleep. My son is in in the military and going away to somewhere I really don't him to to be near.

I want my mum. To sit on her lap, snuggle in, feel her stroke my hair and for her to tell me that everything is going to be ok.

But I'm the mum now and I'm the strong one telling everyone that everything is going to be ok.

I wish I was religious so I knew she was watching over him.

I'm REALLY wanting my mum tonight.

I'm so sorry. You must be going through hell. I hope your son stays safe.

DressDilemma · 24/10/2023 15:45

No. I have never felt this way about my mother. She has been emotionally unavailable and self centred for most part. If I am in distress, she is the last person I would call for help.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 24/10/2023 16:02

Yes. She died 6 years ago but when I fell over and broke my foot a few weeks ago I was crying and just wanted my Mum.

speakout · 24/10/2023 16:13

My mother is the last person I would seek for support.
She is a narcissist and filled my childhood with trauma and shame.
Any challenges I have in life she makes it all about her.
She plays the wounded kitten and plays the victim.

I am grateful that I have found my own safety in my core, and have other amazing family around me.

It has been very healing to parent my own children- I have close relationships with my adult children, who seek my time and support- giving them the support I never had.

Sceptre86 · 24/10/2023 16:18

Every time I have a csection and am recovering, I want my mum. She knows what I need without having to be told, doesn't annoy me when she takes over and has my best interests at heart and advocates for me when I can't for myself. Her presence calms me. She's heaven sent.

JadeSeahorse · 24/10/2023 16:36

I have wanted “A mum” all of my 67 years but definitely not the one who gave birth to me.

Unfortunately, as a teenager, she fell for a playboy -my father - who disappeared as soon as he knew I was on the way, never to be seen again, and she spent all of the years before I went NC either ignoring me in favour of her new family or treating me appallingly.

I went totally NC with both her and all of her family - they all hated me for bringing shame upon the so respected Irish Catholic family 🙄 - for the last 30 years of her life and discovered she passed away 2 years ago purely by accident on the internet. All I felt was massive relief!

Having just one dc of my own who unfortunately has SLD but who I absolutely adore, I just cannot understand these women who feel little to nothing for a child they brought into the world or am I just full of romantic idealism for something I never experienced?

goodkidsmaadhouse · 24/10/2023 17:17

FiddleMyFig · 23/10/2023 09:53

I feel this also! I’m 46 and my dm passed away when I was 4 years old. Whenever I’m sick I always cry for my mum. I don’t have many memories of her, so I’m assuming it’s a primal thing also.

Similar although I was 9 when my mum died and I do remember her well. Once I was sick when I was at my in laws and though DH always looks after me brilliantly when Im poorly, there was some sort of odd child like comfort in being looked after by MIL.

ssd · 24/10/2023 21:28

Sceptre86 · 24/10/2023 16:18

Every time I have a csection and am recovering, I want my mum. She knows what I need without having to be told, doesn't annoy me when she takes over and has my best interests at heart and advocates for me when I can't for myself. Her presence calms me. She's heaven sent.

Edited

You said it so well.

Her presence calms me.

That explains why i struggle to feel calm now. Propranolol helps!!

Chiaseedling · 24/10/2023 21:31

Yes & she died 24 years ago 😢
now I’m the mum and safe space for my young adult DC - and do I get it in spades!!! The good and the bad.

Catsmere · 25/10/2023 08:25

Not for a long time. We were never able to live separately, and now I'm her carer. Most recent time I've wanted to see her was twenty years ago, after I went on holiday overseas for three weeks.

Dacadactyl · 25/10/2023 08:30

No, I have never felt like this about my mother.

We are in touch and she is a good person, but she is incapable of providing any emotional support whatsoever.

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 25/10/2023 08:31

I'm 64, my mum died when I was 36. I still have the odd moment when I just want my mum.

Stephisaur · 25/10/2023 11:12

I totally relate.

I don't always have the best relationship with my mum (she isn't always the most emotionally available and can be fairly unsympathetic!) but when I'm feeling poorly or just really down, all I want is to curl up with her on the sofa and have a cuddle.

My DH doesn't understand this either, but he (and his parents tbf) has the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon.

xogossipgirlxo · 25/10/2023 11:31

I don’t, but it’s my personality. I think your feelings are completely normal, mums are comfort and safe bay, it stays with us.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page